Monday Evening

Here is a video that I am posting because I think one needs knowledge in order to vote wisely.

At this time in my life I have a very hard time voting for either a Republican or Democrat for very good reason. I gave up on the Republican Party. If my old friend, who I am at least willing to talk to, shows moral courage and turns the wrong into a right for both of us, then I will give it all I have from the heart and campaign and vote for the right Democrat candidate.

Elizabeth Warren, I have never met in person and never had a conversation talking about different topics. If she can prove she is a real leader who leads by example, knows she must earn respect and not just demand it without earning it, and has the courage and honor to stay true to the people and cause, then I could support and maybe believe again.

As always I continue to have an open mind.

Red Flag!

Tonight I just need to write my feelings out in my journal, instead of stuffing them down with food. Went on Facebook tonight and on my newsfeed was a picture the guy I had the first date with a few weeks ago like that really offends me. It was Obama with a noose around his neck, with a words printed underneath saying, ” one can only hope “. Those who read my journal know Obama made this Daughter of the British Empire angry at him, but this crosses a line with me of sanity. That is another White Nationalist, Christian, Republican man. I don’t think so!

All my life people have said I was crazy for not believing as they do. Yet I am not the one who holds hate in my heart toward others. I am not the one who doesn’t have an open mind or doesn’t judge people without talking to them first. Yet I am the one deemed crazy by them?

I am very homesick for Boston and am hoping and dreaming of going to the Witches Ball in Salem on Oct 31 this year. I love Salem on Samhain/Halloween and I need to go home for the final phase of my treatment.

I like New England guys better because there is less ” crazy ” talk and just enjoying the moment. Life is to short to hate.

Since we are Facebook friends he will see my Green Party stuff so he might unfriendly me at some point.

Sweet dreams

Oh, I have now lost 35 pounds. I want to have lost 50 pounds before going to Boston with Myrna and her daughter, and put flowers on my dad’s grave. It is coming to peace with my past. I remember one really great Halloween in Marshfield. I can’t think of a better place and time to come out of the Wicca closet.

An article about Flora MacDonald

http://carolynemerick.hubpages.com/hub/Flora-MacDonald-Heroine-of-the-Scottish-Highlands-and-Islands

Those of you who know me know I am proud of my MacDonald bloodline. Flora’s courage gave me the inspiration to do my duty, even though I knew I would face hardship.

I know that I admire her so much for being loyal and true toward her Prince. Flora did her duty and never betrayed him.

I think of my prince, lol. I look at him now and I see a man in a rut. What would inspire him to do more with his life? I am not pointing fingers, because I have not done much with my life either.. The sad thing is that if we worked together and joined forces, we could fight against White Nationalists and win. There would be no stopping us!

I am tired of being in a rut and watching others achieve, while I give up and just settle. For me, I am determined that I am going to start moving forward. Loosing weight, facing my shadows and fears, find a way to be active in the political realm, and fight for truth, justice, honor, and the moral imperatives I was taught as a youth in the 60’s. There is still so much hate, injustice, corruption in our Government. I don’t want to reach the end of my life and feel that both of us failed in the destiny we were born for.

We all have a destiny.

Maybe the United States Government is to far gone? Maybe it is to late for us to even try and set things right? I hope not!

4th of July is almost here

I am posting a picture of George Washington. It is with sadness that I have come to the conclusion that there are no modern day George Washington’s in Government today who have the courage needed to fight against White Nationalism. He was honest too.

Our system of Government is busted. It is no longer like we were taught in the 60’s or as I heard on the Thom Hartmann show like school house rock. They don’t listen to the people anymore or care about the true condition of this nation and our daily struggles.

I believe in duty, so will always put duty first, second, and third in my life. Sometimes I fear I have lost my faith in the Government and both Dems and the GOP. They both lie and are corrupted and ignore the requests of people who only seek to do the right thing and need help in finding the right people to talk to and actually care. It was not easy to seek to do the right thing in deciding that a so called friend needed to hear what was going on.. I am not sorry I tried to get help in the fight and bring much needed resources, even though it meant failure.

Tomorrow is my friend Anne’s birthday so I want to wish you a very special day. Love you!

You are a true friends and always have been. I am finally starting to see the toxic people as they really are and moving forward without them. Just today one made herself very clear and after calling me at 1 am and I told her I was sleeping and unless it was an emergency I was hanging up, wrote me a text saying I was very rude and I was never to talk to her so rude again and it was my fault that I was woken up by her call as I didn’t put my phone on mute. That is crap!

First I saw the name of a friend and didn’t know if it was an emergency, so I answered.

I need to stay on track and this person hinders me from getting to where I need to be. I am healing my body, mind, and spirit. I don’t need people who are toxic and try to hold me back in drama, drama, drama.

If she had not written the angry email toward me when she was the one who called me in the middle of the night. I was not mad or spoke in anger. I just said is it an emergency.

Results of an online quiz

I needed this quote this morning, to remind me of how far I have come and encourage me to keep on the same path I am on.

I took a quiz by a British doctor who works with emotional eaters like me. There are 4 kinds. I am the emotional wounded profile, which seems reasonable to me. In the article it was suggested I tell myself I am worth something, that it is ok to open up and trust someone this time, that they will really listen to me with an open mind, and my past will not dictate my present and future.

I have lost 5 more pounds for a grand total of 25 pounds so far. Still more to go. My goal is to loose 15 more by the end of Summer and then 20 more by Yule.

I am working through what we started in AZ. They would be proud of me I hope.

Looked into if there is a KS Green Party, as I want to get active again in Politics. On the site it asked for anyone who wanted to start a group in KS to contact the National Green Party. Right now I am not in the position to do that, as I am working on healing of body, mind, and Spirit. That is the most important thing to get rid of the toxic people and things in my life. I will see where I am next Summer. So I think this election I will do what I can to help the Green Party get their message to Kansas, yet not take away from the most important thing I am working on right now. I have to heal and move forward in life.

Plus I am planning on taking a year and a day class, which is very important to me. I have started them before but didn’t finish because of Catholic/Christian guilt. Yet if someone is born a certain way, then how can the Bible and Church condemn them as evil and going to hell?

I have finally decided that I am going to get healthy and embrace life.

Inch by inch, step by step, I will do what is needed to achieve what I must to leave the past behind.

Happy Summer

Not planning a big ritual this weekend for the coming of Summer. Beltane was fun. looking forward to a big party on Samhain. Hope they have a witches Ball this year. Went to one in AZ one year and had a blast.

Thinking of going to Salina and working out at the Y and use the pool and hot tub. Called my friend Anne to see if she wanted to be my guest and exercise too. I miss Tara as it was nice to have a workout friend.

Every day I continue to move forward inch by inch. lol. like that ant that moved up the rubber tree plant inch by inch because he has high hopes. It brings a smile to my face, as I was thinking about a discussion we had at Euro 2004 in New Orleans. You would have to be there to understand the connection about the moving forward inch by inch to achieve success.

During meditation this morning I was thinking of how far I have come in just a few years. I still have work that I am doing to bring healing and peace into my body, mind, and spirit. I am on the final stage of working on loosing the weight and overcoming the emotional eating. I am even letting myself cry a little as the pain comes the surface this time. I am continuing the work we started in AZ.

Patience has always been a strength of mine. I let things take the time they need to grow and take root.

I am also releasing the thoughts that I know now were lies and never truth.

My mind has always sought knowledge and so I feel a whole new world is opening up and will open up for me as I let new people and ideas in life that are true.

I know people can not understand or agree with me in how I feel LOVE is the answer and not hate. I don’t hate Joe or his family. It take two to communicate in such a way as the other person can understand what you are trying to say. I am very shy and with the other issues I couldn’t say what needed to be said.

I TAKE THE FULL BLAME FOR THE FAILURE.

DUTY FIRST, DUTY SECOND, AND DUTY THIRD has always been my motto.

Let me ask the question out loud, How does by being angry at Joe and seeking to expose his honest mistake as being dishonorable, honorable behavior?

I know the word honest mistake makes the difference in why I view Joe’s behavior of that day the way I do and wanting us start over in talking about different topics and issues like WHITE NATIONALISM AND THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT.

We didn’t make a good impression on each other. I want another chance for both of us to talk and do the right thing and join forces to fight the coming battle that must be fought if we are going to have any real future in this nation.

What I have to say regarding these issues and getting then truth out demand that I put my duty first over personal feelings of the hurt of rejection!

I can accept the truth that Joe was never a true friend to me. You win, WN as I admit you are right that I will die if I hold my breath waiting for Joe to ride in and bring much needed resources to my fight against you.

My question how does just rolling over and allowing you to bring into reality your vision of America, is my doing my duty?

If I put duty first as I do, then I need to not let personal feeling of hurt and anger stand in the way of doing what is best in the fight against WN and others.

I am me and I will continue to seek to do the right thing.

Monday Night

Just thinking about British Politics tonight. Always have been a Political girl. In some ways I value and understand both systems of Governments, though I prefer Scottish/English Politics over American.

Having Boston roots, and Celtic blood running through my veins, I have an interest in Irish Politics too and have my Irish flag hanging in my living room.

Will Scotland vote to separate?

Anyway just thinking about that and what the future will be if the yes vote wins.

life is good

I love this picture as this is how I feel about the Union Jack. I loved the American flag too, though now it is the Betsy Ross flag that I love and honor as the American flag.

I am on the journey to see what happen to me that made me feel all hope is lost.

In AZ I learned so much that I am applying and still working through. I have accepted that Joe was never really my friend. It is okay, as I want real friends and not fakes who only pretend to be my friend because they want me to do something.

I want to learn kick boxing and get my emotions and anger out. I am not a girl who allows herself to cry. I ate. now I am working out and I think it is helping to heal body, mind, and spirit. I just miss my workout friend, as Tara went back to Ohio. i am keeping with the program.

i heard about the latest shooting.

I still think getting my British Passport, that I have wanted, since I was 14 is my number one goal and plan. I can’t help that I love my British side better then my American.

I am trying to like my American side, but how can I respect people who won’t talk to me?

As I continue to heal and loose the weight once and for all, then maybe I will make new friends. hopefully a man who understands and sees my heart of gold.

Some thoughts

I love this picture because it has two of my heroes in the same picture. I loved America when President Kennedy was in the Oval Office. Of course I have always loved my British side.

I was remembering how John once posted on my blog that I was a White Nationalist who didn’t like and fought against White Nationalists. I wonder if I am an American who doesn’t like Americans because of how I was treated by White Nationalists and the Christian Right?

I guess I felt that if America had become the reality of their vision then I didn’t want any part of America? Interesting topic to discover the answer too. What was the exact turning point for me to give up the hope of ever being successful in my quest for help and resources to arrive so I could fight White Nationalists and the Christian Right?

I discovered an emotion that makes me eat. Feeling like I am still living in exile. Feeling like I can’t ever return to New England and MA. I don’t feel at home here and feel very out of place. The people are nice and I love them, but their is a difference.

Slowly I am working through the PTSD. Working on becoming the best me I can be.

Went to the water park yesterday with a friend. Going again Thursday with a group of four of us as two of our group of four girls is leaving KS because the pipeline is done. We want to have fun one more time.

My friend from Ohio wants me to go to Ohio for a week, leaving this weekend. I am thinking about it.

To Joe Kennedy II

I know it has been very many years since we spoke, but I saw something in the news regarding you and I wanted to reach out my hand again to you in friendship. I am not angry with you, but am still your loyal friend who believes in you. I see your Celtic Warrior heart.

In the Boston Globe a challenge was made to you, which made me angry for you, not at you, lol. I feel it is very unfair and an impossible challenge for you to succeed at. At least with my challenge you have a chance to win the victory and become the hero of the day.

My mother hated you, and your family. That is putting it nicely. She used to think it was fun to abuse me over you. That last time was when you were on Bill O’Reilly defending buying oil from Venezuela. It didn’t matter I hadn’t spoken to you in years, I was still punished for daring to trust and befriend a Kennedy. I always defended you, my friend, when anyone called, and still calls you a communist.

I have always told the truth, even though it meant I would be punished by my mother and White Nationalists like Jeff.

I read the challenge to you about demanding Venezuela release political prisoners and about human rights that are being violated. There are human rights being violated in this country which very little compassion is shown to the victims who pay the price everyday for standing up and fighting evil and hate. We have political prisoners in our own nation.

I would hope you would have compassion in your heart for Americans who are having or had their human rights violated by White Nationalists and the Christian Right! Don’t our human rights mean anything to the world!

I have to wonder what power the people who issued the challenge think you have over the Government of Venezuela? You are an American, unless like me, you are a dual citizen. I am American/British.

Do they really think you have that kind of Political power?

If you do have that kind of Political power, then I humbly ask again to please help me. Remember that day in the barn. We need to have a heart to heart as friends and seek to do the right thing for both of us. I want you to be happy. We need to sort things out so we both can move on. I would hope you want good things for me as I do for you. That is what real friends do for each other.

Yes, I am a Political girl. I am who I am.

I hope that this plea will reach your heart and you will come and talk to me. We might be a small town of about 300 people, but we laugh and have a great time.

Happy Memorial Day.