Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

I really dislike Facebook sometimes

August 23, 2016


My page is stuck and there is no help because 1.  they have it some stupid language that one can’t understand.. 2. there is no way to sign out and resign in because facebook is in a foregin language and  one is lost.  I liked to play the games but now, I guess I will find some other way to relax…  I can’t get to the games I like on my phone.  I can’t still keep up with my friends, but I won’t be spending a lot of time on facebook relaxing to the games.

I wish they would go back to English or allowing you to pick the language you want to use.  I hate facebook now. So I guess it is time to step back…




August 12, 2016


They moved Carla and no one knows where she is.  I hope she is alright and I wish her the best.  Maybe this is selfish but I don’t want to end up like Carla and that is why I started my journal and the journey to a healthy me.  Have come a long way since I began the road to overcome the PTSD..  Still working through things but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We all have areas in our lives that we need to deal with.  For some it is anger.  For others it is guilt.  Somehow we have to find a way to embrace the truth and accept what is.  Now I can start to rebuilt with what remains.  I still have to go to CA and work out my feelings there like I did in MA… CA was not always a happy place for me.

I think we all have a beast inside of us.  I know people called me a bad seed.. I don’t know why people are so afraid of people like me.  Yes, the Bible doesn’t like Witches and to them I am evil…    Maybe I didn’t pray the right way, but I never really felt he cared about me or heard my prayers.  For years I prayed and prayed and was ignored and the suffering continued.  Yes, I have a lot of anger inside of me that I need to work through…

Yesterday Carla finally agreed to go to Hospital and Katie is now starting a new future

July 31, 2016

I am glad Carla finally went to the Hospital.  We had to get Katie out of that hell.  She was so happy to be out of there.  The stink is very bad in there. Benji barked goodbye and wished his friend good luck.  I wish them both a better tomorrow.

I love Carla as my mother loved her mother, when they were friends growing up in Salina Kansas.  Hope she gets off the red wine and once she is sober she is able to function and gets her mind back.  If it is something more then the wine, then she needs to be somewhere where people can take care of her.

We all have our problems and issues.  Have been working mine through with what I learned in therapy in AZ and I have really seen an improvement.  I want to begin living life after 58 years of living in my own HELL.. So yes, I know what it is like to live in hell.

Called about Carla, but they wouldn’t give me any information.. I know what room she is in but want to wait until she is detoxed before I go and see her.    I hope she will forgive me about Katie, but it was cruel what she was doing to that dog and my other neighbor and I could not stand by and do nothing.  She was being evicted so it just happen a week earlier because Carla had to be taken to the hospital..  Get well my friend!


Carla, I am worried about you.

July 29, 2016

Carla, I know you won’t see this, but  I chose these pictures for you.  You are a proud Kansas girl like my mother.  A proud Irish American girl, who is very proud to be from Ireland.  Carla, I have told you to your face that I thought you needed to call a doctor because you are sick.   You need to let them take you to the hospital and Katie to the animal shelter.  She is shutting her and the dog in the place for three days and just lies in bed.   She has given up.

Our mothers were good friends growing up in Salina.  and so I feel obligated because of the family connection.  Yet, Carla has a drinking problem.  She likes her red wine.  She is not able to function.  That is why she is being evicted and didn’t even try to find a place.   We, the neighbor and I, talked to a friend yesterday who was going to see if she could find the number for the daughter so that someone can do something.   The police said the day before yesterday when my neighbor called the police because she was so worried about her, that there was nothing they could do.  They know about her and there is nothing they can do until they come on the 6th.  Who knows what they will find?

I couldn’t post this on facebook and I needed to release my feelings so I wouldn’t stuff them down with food.  I don’t have a drinking problem and I don’t understand.  I think there are other issues as well.  She needs to be in the hospital so they can treat her.    I am just worried that on the 6th she will be dead by then. 

I don’t understand suicide either.  I had a neighbor in Marshfield who I heard later killed himself when his wife divorced him.  I have gone through hard times, but I could never kill myself.  I am a fighter and will fight until I take my last breath.  Being a Warrior type, I don’t understand Carla.

I have gone through a lot in life, everyone has, but I and many others don’t just give up and lock ourselves in our apt and refuse to let anyone in to help us when we say we can’t get out of bed.  No one has seen her in 3 days.  She won’t answer her phone..  I hope they can find the phone number for the daughter and she can as family hopefully give the police permission to break in and see what is going on in there. 

I feel better now.  This is for Carla.  I feel like you have slipped away from me and that the Carla I first met is gone now.  She slipped into a bottle of red wine.. Please get well!  I do love you…  Maybe this is my goodbye to you…

Am going to start posting again.

July 28, 2016

I know it has been awhile since I have posted here.  Going to start as I have some anger to get out my system.  Having Christian/Catholic friends on facebook I don’t share the witch stuff and sometimes I want to save it as I want to have it for my online book of shadows.

When I started this blog and my journey from White Nationalism I didn’t ever think things would have turned out the way they did.  I am glad I started the journey as 10 years later I am ready to embrace life.  Still have a lot of work to do, as my anger is not healthy.  Now that I know that root feeling and that feeling of wanting revenge, I can sort it through and find a way to forgive and movie forward.

Tonight a neighbor had to call the police because we were worried another neighbor might be dead.  Our mothers were girls here in Salina and knew each other from 13 or so.  I was feeling obligated.  A weakness of being a caregiver of everyone else.  Anyway, she is known by the police because she is a wino.  She is a drunk.  Her life is a mess and I had to admit to myself that I can’t help her.  She doesn’t see her red wine as a problem.  I don’t know what her rock bottom is. 

Something is going on but there is nothing anyone can do.  She is being evicted in a week and hasn’t even try to find a new place. 

I wanted help.  I wanted to heal from the PTSD.    Today I am so much better emotionally then I was before I started my journey 10 years ago. 

For my Book of Shadows.

July 27, 2016

Lugh, Lucifer and the First Harvest

Aug 1 is almost here so I am posting this as I want to read it and save it to my online book of shadows.  Some things I don’t want to post on facebook, because I know that they would be offended… 

Here on my blog Christians should not be offended if I want to explore my Witch side.

Greetings from Hawaii

March 6, 2016

Today is sorting hat Saturday on one of my Harry Potter facebook groups so I am posting a picture of my House Slytherin.  Yes, I was sorted into slytherin.

It has been a good birthday and I am resting a little before getting ready for dinner.  Going to have steak tonight.

I don’t like the results in Kansas.  I will not vote for Cruz.  Will stay home and give it to Sanders if there is not a Republican I can vote for.  Some may ask why I will not vote for Cruz.

One he is a Christian Conservative who I feel does not represent Pagan Witches like me.  Christians have told me I should be killed because their Bible says Witches are evil and should not live.  Then add the nutter Glenn Beck endorsed him, and you have someone who this Pagan can not vote for.  Not all Conservatives are Christian………..

My Democrat friend in KS will be disappointed as she loves Clinton.  Sanders won Kansas.  I wonder if Sanders will be the next President if Cruz is nominated.  How many non Christians are offended with Cruz and pushing his Catholic/Christian faith down our throats?

Yes Cruz won the Christian vote in the Bible belt.  Will he win the non Christian vote in states that are not in the Bible Belt like Texas, OK, and KS?  Yes, he won Maine, but will states like CA or Hawaii go for Cruz?

Need to Vent

February 29, 2016


I couldn’t watch the OSCARS tonight because Chris Rock made it racist with his anti White statements.  Instead of honoring the best, they now will be nominated based on RACE.  I replied to a post and of course was attacked.  Yet, Blacks are allowed to attack WHITES and are praised as HEROES, and those of us who are offended are labeled EVIL WHITE PEOPLE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE EVIL IN THE WORLD, AND POOR BLACK PEOPLE NEED TO BE GIVEN A FREE PASS AND NOT BE NOMINATED FOR TALENT BUT FOR THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN.

The Oscars are ruin now.

The women don’t even have the class that they used to have and some of the dresses show why to much.  No class.  Who wants to see their tits hanging out?

My sister is watching it so I left the room as I could not stay and watch it without comment and I don’t want to ruin for her, but I refuse to watch that bullshit crap of how evil WHITE PEOPLE ARE.


Tony Blair Interview

February 23, 2016

Very good Interview.

I am posting their pictures because I admired them so much.    I ask myself what would they tell us if we could have a conversation with them for one hour on how they think we should move forward in this fight against terrorism?

Being strong Tories, I believe they would tackle the problem with every ounce of courage and energy they have.  They would roll up their sleeves and begin to do what needed to be done to WIN.  That is the difference between Brits and Americans.  Americans don’t seem to have the courage and strength to stand up and do the right thing because it is the honorable thing to do.  We Brits have that strength of character running through our blood…  We are not the ENGLISH BULLDOG FOR NOTHING.

We are living in very important times.



February 21, 2016