3 May 2013


Good morning. Hope everyone has a great day.

Will continue to work on getting things sorted and get everything ready for the move. It is starting to get really hot here so am happy that I have less then a month to go.

I have a good friend moving to VA this weekend. She is happy to be getting out of the AZ heat too. She will like VA as it is very beautiful there. Wish her a safe trip. I know she will be very happy..

I started to binge eat yesterday, but that is because of emotions. Why is it that some men think they can get women to send them money or expensive items by sweet talking them? I have fallen for those tricks before and aren’t falling for them again. They think that by saying I love you to an ugly girl that she will give them material goods.

They act like they like you and you can trust them and then will you buy me this or that?

I know I am not beautiful. Never was and never will be. I am ok with that and can live with not having a man in my life. I would love to find the right man and find true love.. Every human being alive on the planet would like to love and be loved unconditionally and have someone to walk along side of in this life. I am no different and have those same feelings. Maybe someday I will meet a man that is not the most handsome man on the planet but who has a good heart and is honest and is ok with a woman who is not the most beautiful woman on the planet who has a good heart and is honest?

I am not going to buy a man!!!! If one has to buy a man so they are not alone in this life, then there is no real love between them. I would rather have five minutes of a true relationship then 5 years in a relationship based on you having the money to buy the man the material goods he wants or a one way ticket to America because he is trying to flee Greece.

Where I am going, I think I will have a better selection of men to choose from. Those who love horses and we can race each other on horses and even 4 wheel drives.. My horses Jet and Tia were really fast. I thought about racing someone on a 4 wheeler once and asked how fast he thought his 4 wheeler would go. Who love dirt bikes and don’t mind getting dirty. There will be country men where I am moving too that like pick up trucks and getting mud on the tires, lol..

Who likes country living better then city living. Who would rather be out in the middle of no where so you can see the stars and the moon in the night sky without a lot of city lights getting in the way. Who like camping and being outdoors enjoying nature then being stuck in some city that is smelly, noisy, and people can’t relax because they are always in a hurry to get somewhere else..

If someone can’t see that beauty on the inside makes a person beautiful on the outside, then he isn’t worthy of me. I have a heart of Gold and a beautiful smile and that inner beauty makes me beautiful on the outside.

Some women can be the most beautiful person on the outside but inside have no heart. They are ugly inside and that at some point makes them ugly on the outside. I would think men would rather be with someone who is beautiful on the inside who they know will treat them right, then someone who is a beauty on the outside only?

Maybe it is only me, but I would rather be with a man who is handsome on the inside and I know will treat me right then someone who is handsome only on the outside and inside is an ugly person because he has no heart.

Janis Ian- At Seventeen

Old song, but it fit the mood I am in today.

One of the goals I am working on in empowerment group is to be able to look in a mirror and think I look good in an outfit.

I like the line in the song where she says that dreams were all they gave to ugly girls like me. That is true.

It is American men who have my whole life made me feel I was to ugly to love. The British men have always made me feel pretty in their eyes, but I guess it is because I look like my British Grandmum so my looks appeal more to Brits then Americans. I keep on hoping that there are American men who can value me for the woman I am.

I love British men, because they look at the whole package. American men I have known in my life in a romantic way only look at the outside. I remember listening to them whining about being hurt by women who were beautiful on the outside but just using them for money and material things. Yet, the women who are not as pretty but have a beautiful heart and would treat them right and be good helpmates in life are left sitting at home,as American men want the beauty queen over the nice girl who would make them happy because she loves them for who they are as people and not what material things they can give her.

I had a chance to be loved by a nice guy who was in England. We both have the English look so to me he was handsome and to him I was pretty. Yet, him being in Surry and me being in America stopped us from going to the next level. I think that is one reason my mother wanted me to go to the UK and spend some time… I haven’t given up that dream, as it would be nice to spend time with my own people of my own heritage and culture.

The Daughters of the British Empire have a nice and active chapter in KS so I am going to try and rejoin them as it will be nice to meet and spend time with other British woman.. Plus they help the British Vets, which is very important to me.

I am not going to be rejoining the Daughters of the American Revolution as I don’t fit in with them. I can’t support the United States Government so I am not going to pretend that I have a love fest when I think the American Government is corrupted and full of lying scum bags. I have good reason to not think highly of those who serve in the United States Government, which in turns makes me think badly of the United States Government. If the men who serve in them are evil men, then the Government is evil, isn’t it?

People can only get away with lying and corruption for so long, before good people know they can’t trust them or their government.

The Government today is not the same Government my ancestors on my mother’s side founded.

Jackson Browne- For A Dancer

Need a little Jackson Browne this morning. I wore out this album too along with For Everyman at St Francis as Anne and I both loved Jackson Browne and his music really spoke what was in our hearts…

Jackson Browne- I thought I was a child

Sing my song/For everyman

Need to get going.


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