2 May 2013

292712_10151127461792309_1604804234_n

Good morning.

Highway Don’t Care

I wish I didn’t care about Joe so much. I tell myself I don’t care and can walk away and not look back, but I find it is just lying to myself. I DO CARE that because he didn’t really talk to me and give me a chance to prove I was the one telling the truth; that I was not able to bring much needed resources to my FIGHT AGAINST WHITE NATIONALISM. I DO CARE THAT WE FAILED and because of that FAILURE, White Nationalists are growing in numbers…

I WISH I COULD HAVE FOUND AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH JOE SO HE UNDERSTOOD THE TRUTH AND WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND HELP THIS LADY IN DISTRESS. YET, DID JOE REALLY WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH? OR WAS IT EASIER TO PRETEND THAT THE LIES WERE THE TRUTH? AS IT WAS EASIER FOR HIM? SOMETIMES HAVING TO FACE THE TRUTH AND SEE THE TRUTH MEANS YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE BETWEEN DOING THE RIGHT THING MORALLY, WHICH CAN BE A DIFFICULT PATH; OR PRETENDING THE LIES ARE TRUTH AND TO TAKE THE EASY PATH OF DOING NOTHING.

Hoping that with time, I can come to accept my failure and Joe’s failure..

Maybe with time I can let some other man into my heart and I can love him uncondtionally like I love Joe as my friend? I hope so as I have a lot of quality love to give and would make someone a very LUCKY MAN. AS I WOULD LOVE HIM LIKE HE HAS NEVER BEEN LOVED BEFORE.

Keep on trying to open up and give some other man the chance to WIN MY HEART.

Maybe when I get to the country I will meet a guy who likes to ride horses and country living as much as I do?

Helen asked me why I started to fight WHITE NATIONALISM? I said because of the SEED Joe’s father planted inside of me when I was a little girl. That seed bore the fruit of me knowing I had a moral imperative to fight WHITE NATIONALISTS AND THEIR NEO NAZI HATE.

Talking about childhood dreams and goals, I haven’t shared with anyone yet, but mine was to work for the government and join forces with my hero’s son, and work together as one team… I thought together we made a strong team. He is a powerful speaker while because of the PTSD I have trouble communicating my thoughts and feelings. He would be the voice.. I would be his Celtic muse and help him be the best he could be. I am not stupid.

The way I feel about the American Government now, makes it impossible for me to ever want to work or help them. Joe isn’t the only reason I feel betrayed by the United States Government. Joe is just the icing on the cake. What they did to my father under Nixon is the cake.

The only Government I want to work for now is the British Government. I am not in the UK at this time,so that is unlikely.

Helen asked me how I woke up to the truth about White Nationalism. I told her that Joe brother Max wrote a book of quotes that their dad, my hero, loved. It woke me up. The funny thing is that I started to post and read them to other White Nationalists as I was pondering them. I didn’t tell who said the quotes or where I got them as I knew that it would shut their minds to thinking about them… Everyone who received those quotes and really thought about them, left White Nationalism too.

I had forgotten what my dad and Joe’s dad had taught me as a child. I believe we all do things for a reason and I believe God wanted Max to write that book, as God knew that it would be a tool for good in this life.

Today I am thinking what would my hero want me to do? I know the saying of what would Jesus want me to do, and I am not saying my hero is like God. I am just pondering what his thoughts would be… That is normal to think about what people you admire would think of situations in life. I also am thinking what would my hero Margret Thatcher want me to do.

She was a strong woman who wasn’t afraid to fight. She had courage… She didn’t quit. I don’t like quiting and letting go either, but does there come a time, when we must face the truth, that no matter how hard we try that there will never be victory? I feel that way with Joe and his family, that no matter how hard I try to make them understand the truth and try to talk to them about White Nationalism, that all I am ever going to get is silence and hitting my head on a brick wall, because there is no door or window on that wall.

Joe’s father didn’t like to quit either. We both share the quality of passion and admire people of courage…

How do I give up on my friend? How do I accept that he will never talk to me? How do I accept that he doesn’t care to fight against White Nationalism and neo nazi hate along side of me?

White Nationalists I didn’t fail because of my lack of courage, but because I don’t have the resources to fight you. If a certain friend of my past would find it in his heart to talk to me and decide to join my fight against you, then I would be able to continue my FIGHT against you.

I have a lot to do today… Slowly I will work through my PTSD.


Jackson Brown- For a Dancer

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: