21 April 2013


Good morning. Want to start out with a song by Jackson Browne

For a dancer

I love the music of Jackson Browne as he was part of my youth. He put into music the thoughts of my heart. Music has always been very important to me because I sing and like to play instruments. He lyrics were always so poetic. He is a very talented song writer. Wish he would come out with more songs and be a voice for this time as there is so much going on in the world. Maybe someday I will get to see him in concert or even sing with him.

In Salina Steve Greene came to concert and he went to all the churches for back up singers and it was so much fun being on stage and singing in the choir in three of his songs.. It was an honor to feel good enough to actually sing with a professional musican of gospel music. That was a top moment in my life. We all have top moments in our lives and that was one of my top five moments.

For everyman

I played this song so much, I must have drove the other girls in the dorm at St Franics crazy. That is ok, as Marjorie played Jefferson Starship over and over, lol.

Last night I had a strange dream. I dreamed of J and his father. He was a little boy.. It is strange because I have been making progress of letting him go, but he is still in my dreams. I am very sensitive and have very vivid dreams and sometimes know things are happening or going to happen before they actually happen. Some people would call that a gift.

I might still be dreaming of J and his dad because he is still in my heart and I haven’t totally given up the belief in my friend that once he understands the truth, that he will step up to the plate and do the right thing and face me and talk to me Catholic to Catholic and we end things between us on a good note, as we should if we believe and want to practice our Catholic faith as we should. Seeking peace between us is the right thing for us to do as Catholics.

White Nationalists and Right Wing be warned. J is my friend and I can speak things about him that are not very nice, but heaven help you if you do. If I feel you ever are attacking him unfairly and twisting his words out of context like what happen when he made a statement about the death of a Political Leader in another Nation; I will fight to protect and defend him to the death. You know the saying you can say something about your family member that isn’t very nice but true, but no one else can.

He is my friend and we have unfinished business between us and things that need to be said. You are not in that same situation and I will go after anyone who tries and hurts my friend. I still protect and defend him as a true and loyal friend.

At the same time, I am not going to continue to be stuck in PTSD HELL.. I am moving forward and have started to open my heart to another person. I take it one day at a time. He seems to value me and my heart of GOLD and likes that I am old fashion.. He understands that I am waiting for the right man. Yet, I enjoy texting him. We haven’t even talked on the phone yet.

I am not sure if the dream is telling me not to give up on J or his dad my hero? That J does have what it takes to fight White Nationalism and all RACISM along side of me? That he does have courage?

Funny isn’t it that as I am opening up and moving forward that I am dreaming of J and his dad. I am sure my feelings will be revealed in time. I don’t give up and I will continue forward on my journey to heal from the PTSD and remove the emotional blocks that have kept me stuck for all these years and kept me from living my life.

Need to think about getting ready for mass. This choir is so different then St. Stevens. I am glad I decided to take the step and join the choir and be part of the music minstry again. My faith is coming back. It has been a very big struggle for many years.

I think the tapes that Jeff put in my head are finally being erased too.




  1. 1
    John Says:

    I can tell you right now what that dreams mean. It means you are finally letting go. It is common for people to have dreams of people that they are letting go of. Usually these dreams result in that persons death. Don’t make the mistake that because you are dreaming of this J that means you shouldn’t give up on him. In fact it is your brains way of telling you that you are.

  2. 2
    chrisy58 Says:

    thank you John for your comment. It does make sense, because I am moving forward in life and opening my heart to a man who values me and who makes me happy.

    I did see your comment about the Black Nationalism is real post, but I really at this point don’t want to get into a discussion about Black Nationalism with you or anyone else at this point. This is my blog and I post what I think.. I belive Black Nationalism and their HATE toward Whites and wishing us to be gone from the planet is just as wrong as a White man wishing Blacks to be gone from the planet.

    I am in the process of big change in my life right now, and I don’t really have a lot of time for discussion.. Am getting ready to take a trip to look for a new place to live and then moving.

    It should make you, as an White Nationalist happy, that I finally seem to be moving on from White Nationalism too. Not only am I leaving J behind, I am leaving my fight against White Nationalism behind too.

    Don’t know if you can understand this, but I want peace and love in my life. I want to move forward and be with a great guy.. I don’t know what is going to happen and I take it one day at a time. I met him through a friend on Facebook. He is a soldier in Afganistan.. I am happy that my texts and emails bring him encouragment and make him feel happy, when he is living in the danger zone. I worry about him as it is very dangerous there. Our soldiers need our friendship.

    Don’t stop making comments, and don’t be upset if I don’t approve every one.. It is nothing personal, but means that I can’t deal with them right now..

    You once asked how Garfield and I became friends. It is because we talk to each other and support each other and understand when we have to pull back. We really care about each other as human beings.

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