3 April 2013

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Good morning.  I have a lot to do today.  They are inspecting the house this morning so I have to leave early for my empowerment group meeting…  Yesterday I think we got a lot out in the indiviual.  Helen mentioned that I have known a lot of pain and suffering and being treated unjust in my life time.  Yes, I have..  I have always felt I would not treat others the way I have been treated in this life.

White Nationalists think I and others like me who believe in LOVE being the answer and not HATE, THE IDEALISTS who LOOK AT THE WORLD AND THINK WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THIS A BETTER PLACE, and THOSE WHO HAVE A HEART OF COMPASSION FOR OTHERS are WEAK.. YET I BELIEVE IT TAKES A STRONG PERSON TO MEET HATE WITH LOVE, TO ROLL UP ONE’S SLEEVES AND WORK TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS OF OUR GENERATION SO THAT THE NEXT GENERATION INHERITS A BETTER WORLD, AND TO SHOW COMPASSION TOWARD OTHERS WHO ARE HURTING AND NOT JUST WALK AWAY AND IGNORE THEIR CRIES AND PLEAS FOR HELP.

I am strong but kind.  I am true and loyal and yet am not afraid to tell those I love the truth, so that they can make wise decisions based on truth and not bad decisions based on lies.  Because I have known so much pain, mistreatment at the hands of others, and suffering; I tend to take it upon myself to bear and try to spare others from having to go through it.  Yet, even the best soldier needs R/R from time to time to get their strength back, so when I seek a safe place to hide for a few days, I expect them to answer that call for help. 

When they don’t, I ask myself why didn’t they?  If they didn’t understand and based their decisions without knowing the truth, then I forgive them.  How can you be angry with someone who didn’t understand and base their decision based on the truth, but on a lie or ignorance?

Please pray that someday J will face the truth and find it in his heart to talk to me about what happen and we can move forward and either join together and fight the EVIL OF WHITE NATIONALISM AS ONE TEAM or We end things on a good note.  Either way we have unfinished business between us that we need to finish.

I have people tell me I should have screamed at him for what he said to me that day in the barn when I asked for help.  My reply to them is 1.  I was emotionally shut down and couldn’t speak.  My only thought was WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW AS THE ABUSE IS NOT GOING TO STOP AND I AM STUCK IN THE HELL.  2.  I WILL NEVER SCREAM, BLAME, ETC AT J BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE SCREAMED AT. WHEN I HAD TIME TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND TALK TO HIM IN A CALM MATTER ABOUT THINGS, I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM.  I am still hoping that he will give me that chance for me to talk to him and he talk to me.

People think I am a FOOL for even wanting to talk to him and hear his side of the story about reports given to me by people who lied about me.  Since these same people LIED ABOUT ME, then I believe they were ABLE TO LIE ABOUT J TOO.

I WILL NOT JUMP ON THE I HATE J AND HIS FAMILY BANDWAGON BASED ON HEARSAY AND GOSSIP.  J AND I ARE NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, WE HAVE PEOPLE WHO FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH REASONS LIE ABOUT US.  I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH THE STORIES BEING TOLD ABOUT ME, KNOWING THAT PEOPLE IF THEY WANTED TO KNOW THE TRUTH WOULD COME AND TALK TO ME FIRST BEFORE MAKING FINAL JUDGMENT AGAINST ME.  I GUESS I THOUGHT THAT J WOULD UNDERSTAND ME AS I UNDERSTAND HIM.  THAT I WOULD REAP WHAT I SOW.  IF I SOWED FAIRNESS WITH HIM THAT I WOULD REAP FAIRNESS WITH HIM, BUT SO FAR, I HAVEN’T SEEN ANY FAIRNESS FROM HIM…  I AM NOT GIVING UP THE HOPE THAT HE HAS MANY OF THE SAME QUALITIES OF HIS DAD INSIDE OF HIM.  I BELIEVE HIS DAD WAS A FAIR PERSON AND GAVE OTHERS A CHANCE TO PROVE THEY ARE TELLING THE TRUTH AND NOT JUST CLOSE THEIR MIND, HEART, AND DOOR TO THEM WITHOUT HEARING THEIR SIDE OF THE STORY TOO.

I was a true LADY IN DISTRESS AND HE REFUSED TO HELP.  HIS DAD WOULD HAVE AT LEAST ASKED WHAT KIND OF HELP I NEEDED AND I BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE HELPED A TRUE LADY IN DISTRESS WHO WAS BEING ABUSED OVER HIM AND HIS FAMILY. 

I believe that deep down inside of J is a GREAT MAN.  I just have to be patient and if given the chance to help him bring that GREAT MAN OF OUR GENERATION OUT OF HIM…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5vz6iwV38U

Man in the mirrior

Feel like a little Michael Jackson this morning.

I write later about empowerment group.

Please pray that my old friend J, who I still love uncondtionally as my friend inspite of himself, will see the truth and finally talk to me and give me a chance to prove I am telling the truth.  I will gladly take a lie detector test and answer any questions he has.

Chrisy

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