13 March 2013

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Good morning.

Starting to get hot in the valley of the Sun, as it will be upper 80’s and tomorrow it will be in the 90’s. What happen to Spring?

I really like Sun Lakes, as the people are very friendly.  Last night I was walking Benji and was talking to a woman who lives here, who is from Portland Maine.  She knew St. Francis College in Bediford that I attended and have a yearbook from.  It is now the Univ. of New England, which is a great school.  Yet, to me the campus will always be St. Francis as that was the name of the school on that campus when I attended. It was nice talking to someone that remembers St. Francis and what a great school it was.  It was right on the ocean and I spend hours walking along that shore. 

She also lived in MA for a time.  Southern Maine where we were is about 90 minutes from Boston, so we would go into Boston all the time.  I remember once my friend Annie and I were going back to MA for the Christmas Holiday.  She was going to Worchester and I was going to Milton.  We had bought the same Winter coat in two different states, and we get ready to go and we come out with the same coat.  Annie and I took many great road trips together.

This woman is going back to visit this Summer for a month or so.  I hope to be there this Summer too.. I want to have my base either on the North Shore or South Shore.   Then I would like to take a road trip to Southern Maine and visit the campus of old St. Francis.  The coast of Maine is beautiful.  I also would like to go to the Cape and stay in Mashpee where I stayed with my dad.  It used to be a very nice area.

I still have a long way to go in my healing for the PTSD.  When I leave AZ, going back home to Massachusetts is the best thing for me and not going to Hawaii.  Massachusetts is where I need to be for the second phase of my healing and taking time to decide what my next chapter in life will be.  Being in Hawaii at this point when I don’t want to be there will make us all miserable and I don’t want to do that to my family.  If I move to Hawaii, it has to be because that is where I want to be and I think it is the best thing for me.  If I am pushed there, then I will not be happy and if I am not happy can my family who is supposed to love me be happy?

It is better to let me go to MA and spend the time there I need in continuing to heal and decide what the next chapter of my life will be.  In my heart I feel this is the best plan and I will fight for it.  I will not give in, so we will see what happens.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chXJFjrl-Q4

Because we can- Bon Jovi

Really love this song.  It will be number one.

This song makes me feel that I am on the right path in FIGHTING WHITE NATIONALIST NEO NAZI’S.

I am a ROCK and not just a grain of sand.  That it is right for me to believe in my old friend and his family that if we join together and fight them that we will WIN AND KNOW VICTORY.  That LOVE is stronger then their WHITE NATIONALIST HATE.   THAT IF WE JOIN TOGETHER THAT WE WILL MOVE THAT MOUNTAIN AND WE WILL WIN.

We might not be in the military but we MUST STILL FIGHT AND TAKE A STAND against White Nationalism.  I BELIEVE WE CAN DO IT IF WE JOIN TOGETHER.  HIS RESOURCES AND MY KNOWLEDGE OF WHITE NATIONALISM WILL MAKE US AN UNBEATABLE TEAM FOR GOOD IN THIS WORLD.

WE WON AGAINST THE NAZI’S IN WWII, BECAUSE ALL PEOPLE CAME TOGETHER TO FIGHT THEM.  THEY LOOKED AT IT AS A MORAL IMPERATIVE.  I LOOK AT MY TELLING MY FRIEND THE TRUTH AND FIGHTING ALONG SIDE OF HIM AS MY DUTY.

I know I am not explaining this right.  I write better then I speak so that is why I have this journal which Helen wants me to continue.  Remember I am sorting out my thoughts of what is true and what is a lie presented to me as truth from the Right Wing.  I have so many things that I have to ask myself is this true or is it a lie.  It would be nice if my old friend would help me sort things out and let me talk to him about things.

I know people think I am a FOOL for giving him ANOTHER CHANCE TO BE A HERO.  He is MY FRIEND AND I LOVE HIM UNCONDITONALY AND FOREVER AS MY FRIEND.  I don’t turn off love and friendship like one turns on and off a light switch.  HE IS IN MY HEART FOREVER.

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.  So he made a mistake.  I have made a lot of mistakes in this life too.  WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU ARE WRONG THAT YOU CORRECT COURSE AND TRY his best to do the right thing and talk to me.p>

THAT IS WHY I DON’T WANT HIM TO FEEL GUILTY OR TERRIBLE WHEN HE FINDS OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT ME AND REALIZES HE WAS WRONG IN HOW HE TREATED ME THAT DAY IN THE BARN WHEN I ASKED MY FRIEND TO HELP ME. I WILL NEVER HARSHLY JUDGE HIM FOR HIS MISTAKES AND I ASK THAT MY FRIEND TREAT ME THE SAME WAY. HE NEVER HAS TO SAY HE IS SORRY TO ME FOR ANYTHING HE DOES THAT MAY HURT ME. THAT IS WHAT TRUE LOVE IS, KNOWING THAT YOU ARE FORGIVEN. ALL IS ASK IS FROM THIS DAY FORWARD YOU BE A BETTER FRIEND TOWARD ME AND VALUE ME AS THE WONDERFUL PERSON I AM, WHO HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU OR BRING DISHONOR TO YOU. WHO IS YOUR TRUE AND LOYAL FRIEND FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE.

I believe TOGETHER that we would WIN in our BATTLE AGAINST WHITE NATIONALIST NEO NAZI HATE.

We are showing the house today so I need to get off, but wanted to post a few songs that I hope will inspire and encourage you.

Leaving White Nationalism is very hard if you are a woman. We love our man and our friends. They are like family to you. Yet, do you really believe all that you are being taught to believe as truth?

In your heart do you really feel that Jews are the children of satan? Do you really feel that they control the world and are out to destroy the White race off the face of the earth? These are just a few of the lies being told to you as truth.

There are extreme Jews as there are extreme Whites. There are extreme Blacks and Mexicans. To take a few of their words and to generalize and think that all Jewish people think that way is not living in reality. You are living in poison home, where you can’t see the poison slowly killing you, but it is there. One day you wake up and you hold HATE IN YOUR HEART and BELIEVE THE WHITE NATIONALIST LIES AS TRUTH.

You lie to yourself and think you are a White Nationalist because of LOVE. Yet, is it really LOVE you hold in your hearts?

My choice to leave and seek to talk to my old friend who HATES me, has not been easy. I chose DUTY over FRIENDSHIP. HE AND I TOOK AN OATH. MY OATH WAS AS A DAUGHTER OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION. I AM A POLITICAL DAUGHTER AND NOT NSDAR. I MEANT MY OATH AS A DAUGHTER AND EVEN THOUGH I FEEL THE GOVERNMENT TODAY HAS STRAYED FROM WHAT IT STARTED OUT TO BE BY MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT IN THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION AND WERE PART OF FOUNDING IT; I WILL FIGHT AGAINST ALL ENEMIES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC. WHITE NATIONALISM AND THEIR SUB GROUPS FALL INTO THE DOMESTIC GROUP.

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU TAKE AN OATH IT LAST FOREVER. EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT LEAVE THE OFFICE OR GROUP YOU TOOK THE OATH WITH, YOU MUST STAND UP AND FIGHT AGAINST THOSE WHO ARE OUT TO DESTROY WHAT YOU HAVE SWORN TO PROTECT, DEFEND AND FIGHT FOR. THAT IS WHY I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT WHEN MY FRIEND KNOWS THE TRUTH, THAT HE WILL STAND WITH ME AND FIGHT AGAINST WHITE NATIONALISTS. THAT HE WILL SEE AND BELIEVE THAT TOGETHER WE CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS AND ACHIEVE WHATEVER WE NEED TO ACHIEVE.

Love is

I was really listening to the words in this song. It talks about LOVE breaks the chains. I think that is true. I am still breaking the chains, but as I choose love and forgiveness and healing I believe one chain will be cut and broken at a time and finally there will be no chains around me hold me down.

One thing I really want to do this Summer is go to a Red Sox game at Fenway Park. Love my Red Sox and love Fenway Park. It is next to impossible to get tickets, but if I am living there for the Summer I might be able to go to one home game. Boston has the greatest fans.

I don’t know if my nephew remembers coming to visit one Christmas and I got him his Red Sox Jacket. He collected baseball cards at the time. We had a lot of fun and we took them to Concord as well as other sites of interest. He even got to ride Tia. She was such a great horse. I miss her and riding.

Was talking to one of the other women in the neighborhood and her family has a horse ranch and they rescue horses and other animals that need a home. If I could start riding again it would be part of my healing.

Feels like tonight.

Just like this song and I need to get going now.

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1 Comment »

  1. 1
    John Says:

    “This song makes me feel that I am on the right path in FIGHTING WHITE NATIONALIST NEO NAZI’S.

    I am a ROCK and not just a grain of sand. That it is right for me to believe in my old friend and his family that if we join together and fight them that we will WIN AND KNOW VICTORY. That LOVE is stronger then their WHITE NATIONALIST HATE. ”

    “VEN THOUGH I FEEL THE GOVERNMENT TODAY HAS STRAYED FROM WHAT IT STARTED OUT TO BE BY MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT IN THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION AND WERE PART OF FOUNDING IT; I WILL FIGHT AGAINST ALL ENEMIES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC. WHITE NATIONALISM AND THEIR SUB GROUPS FALL INTO THE DOMESTIC GROUP. ”

    OH yeah I really feel like this is someone I can reason with, with posts like these…
    How does Garfield put up with it?

    “Leaving White Nationalism is very hard if you are a woman. We love our man and our friends. They are like family to you. Yet, do you really believe all that you are being taught to believe as truth?

    In your heart do you really feel that Jews are the children of satan? Do you really feel that they control the world and are out to destroy the White race off the face of the earth? These are just a few of the lies being told to you as truth.”

    Subtle, Tokyo Rose.


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