7 March 2013

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Good morning.

Have my last Child sexual abuse survivors group today.  I know we are supposed to write letters to the next group of people who start.  Think I am going to tell them, that this group is the first step on the journey to get healing and peace. That they are brave to begin the journey to a better them.  That we must not give up but continue to seek a better mind, body, and spirit, even if right now we have to live and deal with the pain and terror we don’t want to deal with, so we numb the pain through food or drugs or booze.

That this group will bring them to the point of what is a blook for them emotinally.  That it is the journal assignments that they can’t write about that are very revealing.  I am blocked where my family is concerned.  Now I will begin the second part of my journey doing the one on one with Helen who I came to trust doing the group with her.

That the first part of my journey ends today but the second part of my journey begins at the beginning of April.  That I am proud of them and anyone who takes the first step in getting treatment for the PTSD that they suffer from because of abuse and hell they have had to live in during this life time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

For my birthday I bought myself the Breaking Dawn II dvd..  I know what it is like to love someone uncondtionally and never ending.  No matter who they are, you are still there for them and are loyal to them.  You are willing to go through HELL for them, because you want to spare them that pain.  You are willing to DIE to save them.

In the movie there is a happy ending.  I love happy endings. Real life is different, and there is NO HAPPY ENDING.  In real life, I am still being punished by my mother for daring to love and trust a Progressive Democrat that she HATED WITH A PASSION. 

White Nationalists like my mother think you CHOOSE who you fall in love with.  WRONG, YOU DON’T CHOOSE WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH.  ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULDN’T CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO THEY GET ABUSED OVER BECAUSE HE IS DIFFERENT THEN THEM.  INSTEAD OF BEING REPUBLICAN HE IS DEMOCRAT.  Instead of being CONSERVATIVE he is PROGRESSIVE. 

White Nationalists focus on the skin color, but one can be of the same race and because they are of a different Political Party and view point, the person may go through hell, because of that love, trust, and friendship.  Very SAD, isn’t it, that people are still being punished for falling in love unconditonally with someone who is different then them?

I am open to  meet someone else.  Yet, there has been no one else that has made me feel that way this person made me feel.  HE captured my heart.  I also know that he is not worthy of me, because if he was, he would talk to me face to face and I would be able to talk to him about two very important topics that I need to talk about.  1. White Nationalism and 2. Child sexual abuse.  He would be the hero and man I believe him to be, and join the fight against those evils.  Talk to me and talk to others I know who are fighting and need help because we lack resources…

Do Progressives have compassion in their hearts?  I really don’t know the answer to that question..  I know J doesn’t, because if he did, he wouldn’t treat me the way he does.

I will never give up the HOPE that J finally realizes the truth about me and sees what a rare jewell I am and decide to do the right thing and talk to me, so we can end on a good note and work together in fighting White Nationalism and child sexual abuse.

Last night I had a weird dream.  I had to choose what side I was on.  Would I come back to the White Nationalist side and work to bring their Political View into POWER?  Remember White Nationalists showed me more compassion and help when I needed it due to the abuse in my life, then my Progressive friends J and S.  Who was it that gave me a safe place to stay when I needed time away from my  mother?  It was White Nationalists..  Who was it that knew the true meaning of friendship?  It was White Nationalists and not J and S.

Then J was in the dream.  Even though he proved himself to be unworthy of being my friend, I still had to choose between doing the right thing and choosing J’s side or choosing the side of people who helped me when I needed help and didn’t say ” IT ISN’T MY PROBLEM” when I was being abused by my mother.

J is on the right side on the fight against White Nationalism.  Do I continue to choose to fight against White Nationalism because it is a moral imperative as taught to me by my dad and childhood American hero?  Does duty come before friendship?  I chose duty over friendship…

Does J and his family even value truth?  Do they seek TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND SEEK TO BRING OUT THEIR OWN COURAGE INSIDE OF THEMSELVES?  Do they RESPECT PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE COURAGE TO DO THEIR DUTY, EVEN WHEN TO DO SO MEANS YOU PAY A VERY HEAVY PRICE?

I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN LEADING MY EXAMPLE AND THAT IS WHAT I ALWAYS TRY TO DO.  THIS JOURNAL BLOG IS AN EXAMPLE OF ME TRYING TO LEAD OTHER WOMEN BY EXAMPLE SO THAT THEY TOO WILL SEE THE TRUTH AND DO THE RIGHT THING.

I have no ending for the dream, as I woke up before there was an ending.  I think there is no ending in the dream because J and I haven’t talked in all these years.  Until he talks to me and I talk to him, there will be no ending.

Please pray that a miracle will happen and J finally comes to talk to me and we can talk things out and find a good solution that will be A HAPPY ENDING in this REAL LIFE DRAMA.  That he will join the fight against White Nationalism and child sexual abuse.  That he will bring the much needed resources to the FIGHT.That J will prove himself to be worthy of me and my friendship, because he found the courage within to do the right thing and talk to me and allow me to prove I am telling the truth. I will take a lie detector test and answer any questions he wants answered.

Have a good day everyone.

Chrisy

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2 Comments »

  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:

    One of the greatest love songs.

  2. 2
    chrisy58 Says:

    Great song.


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