18 Feb 2013


Need to start getting ready for my coping skills group, so I will write more when I get back.

Last night I had a restless night.  Sometimes I kick and talk in my sleep and fight as it releases some of the emotions I have of terrible things I have gone through.  Jeff was in the dreams last night, so I guess I was releasing some of the emotional scares Jeff left on me.

Jeff used to say women were the slaves and property of men.  I know I am old fashion and maybe because I am old fashion and believe in traditional role models it was easy for Jeff to get me to accept that to a certain point?

Not all White Nationalist men are CI (Christian Idenitity) but all CI are White Nationalist.  You have to remember that White Nationalism is one big umbrella term that includes many groups and people who believe in the 14 words, about securing a future for White children in the world.

Sometimes the old tapes that Jeff put into my mind play and I have to remind myself that I am not there living under Jeff’s control over me anymore.  That I don’t answer to him anymore and he can’t punish me with his wooden paddle when he feels like it or he doesn’t think I am showing him the right amount of respect.

No woman deserves to be hit by a man.  A real man doesn’t hit a woman, no matter how angry he is at her.  A real woman doesn’t hit a man either, no matter how angry we get at him.

I wonder if someday I will be totally free of the tapes Jeff planted in my mind that are untrue and are a lie. 

I would like to think we women are human beings and free.  Not slaves and not property to be owned and treated as our master sees fit.

Thanks go to my sister and brother in law for getting me out of there. I was lucky I had family that helped me escape.  I would be dead by now if I hadn’t found a way to escape Jeff.

Will write later after group.  Even though it is President’s Day, I still believe we are having group so am going.




1 Comment »

  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:


    They didn’t have group this morning.

    I like this place enought to want to see it in person. I love Nahant, as my dad and I went there a lot.

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