Good morning. I actually slept ok last night with the pain pill taken before going to sleep, so that was good. Going to take it easy today and hopefully they can get me in Friday instead of Monday to do the actual work.
Still working on my “I” statement letter to J. It feels weird to write or speak in this way, but I can see where it is better then what I did before in hitting J over the head with a baseball bat with my words. Hopefully this will cool things down between us and both J and I will want to end things on a good note and have real and lasting peace between us. I have always believed that someday the truth will come out and he will finally understand the true me and my heart of gold. That we would talk things out Catholic to Catholic and both realize that we made mistakes and that we would forgive each other and that working through all this crap and coming out of the darkness into the light would make our friendship stronger and unbreakable. Someday he will realize that any other girl in my position would have destroyed him, but I love him uncondtionally and only see the best in him and refuse to see any bad in him. I love my friend and always will.
I feel the grief and sorrow in my heart very strongly, when I think that I will never be your Celtic muse to encourage and inspire you, and you will never be my Celtic warrior to fight for and with me against childhood sexual abuse and white nationalism. Because together we would have been a powerful force for good in the world against evil. I would appreciate it if we could talk and work things out between us J, so we can embrace the destiny we both were born for my friend. I will always love you uncondtionally as my friend.
Remember there are many kinds of LOVE and I love J uncondtionally as my friend. I would never want to be part of anything that would bring dishonor to him. So yes, I love him and always will as his friend. J is my soulmate….
Everyone needs a soulmate in their life to be their best friend who believes the best in them and who is there for them no matter what happens in this life. I am not ashamed of my unconditonal love for J.
I have been abused over it too, as my mother hated him with a passion and even though we never talked about it, I know she knew that I loved him and it made her angry with me when I defended him and stood up for him, because I felt J was right and my mother was wrong. Some in my position would have not been honest, but I am honest and I say how I really feel when asked.
I loved my mom as she was my mom, but she was wrong about J. I believe in the end, the truth will prove that I am right to follow my heart and to still believe in him as the great man I know he can be, if only he will let that man out.. I believe in him and I believe in me. Now if only J would believe in him and me working together as one team united in the fight against child sexual abuse and white nationalism, or any evil we decide to fight against as two Celtic WARRIORS who were born with ALOT OF HEART AND PASSION.
Will J throw out the lifeline and help me and by helping me help others? I have always believed I have 2 hands. One to grab hold of J’s hand and the other to grab hold of other children/women who are the victims of abuse and have to live in HELL. Hopefully they will have 2 hands too. One to hold on to me and the other to another soul trapped in abuse hell. So we become a chain for goodness and light, that overcomes the evil and darkness of child sexual abuse and white nationalism.
Will write later.