31 Jan 2013


Good morning, hope everyone slept well.

Have my childhood sexual survivors group this afternoon..I wonder if it will be as intense and emotional as last week?

Tomorrow will be one week since my mother died. It seems so quiet here without her.


my mother used to sing this song to me as a baby.  My mother had a beautiful voice.

I know I am aging myself but we used to watch the Lawrence Welk show.. One of the biggest memories I have visitng my grandparents in Salina, KS was watching that show.  My uncle Jack had an offer to play with his band, as he was a great drummer.  I inherit my musical ability from the Buell side.  Every once in awhile I still watch the re-runs on PBS on Saturday night, when I am thinking of them.

I would think a lot of us baby boomers had that song sang to us as babies, so it might be a trip down memory lane for you as well.





1 Comment »

  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:

    Been thinking if people value loyality anymore. Been a true and loyal friend to J for years and he still doesn’t value me as a person or a friend. Love him unconditionally as my friend, forever, but I wonder if that means anything to him?

    My mother hated J with a PASSION. I know I tried to PROTECT J and keep her away from him because I WAS AFRAID OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AND WHAT SHE WOULD DO TO BOTH OF US.

    My roomate at the time told me once that he had seen a blowup and a really nasty verbal fight between them. I don’t know if it happen because my mother never told me and J won’t give me a chance to talk to him and find the truth about certain things that I need answers too..

    People were lying about me to him and also lying to him about me… The lies became stronger then the truth and J and others I thought were my friends turned out to be no different then those who abused me. They joined the Americans who were throwing stones at me instead of helping me deal with the childhood sexual abuse and other horrid events in my life. I was looking for someone to SPEAK FOR ME AND DEFEND ME AND TELL THE TRUTH and I FOUND MORE PEOPLE JOINING THE WITCH HUNT AGAINST ME.

    J, you have nothing to be afraid of from me. I am not going to hurt you or betray our friendship. I would think after all these years that I have proved to you that I am a true blue friend and love you unconditonally as my friend. Please do the right thing and talk to me Catholic to Catholic and help me.

    I have never lied to him, nor would I ever look into his eyes and lie to him. Not afraid to tell him the truth nor face the effects of telling him the truth.

    Through the years I have chosen to stay in my HELL, rather then ever hurt him. I don’t want to make him look bad by telling the truth. So I keep on hoping that he will finally see the truth and do the right thing and talk to me Catholic to Catholic and we both be honest with each other. I have never nor would I ever allow anyone to use me to get to him and make him look bad.

    When I finish my therapy here, I will go back to Boston and Marshfield. J is part of the PTSD because I was abused over him. Yet, even if he continues to lack the strength and compassion to face me and we talk things out with the goal of ending things between us on a good note and giving each other the Catholic sign of peace from the heart, then I will still do a cleansing ritual…

    When I leave the mainland of the United States, I want to be healed and have expelled the bad memories that have been holding me back. I want to move forward free to embrace the future I was born for.

    This is a long journey and I have taken one step at a time.

    Someday, good things will start to happen to me.

    Someday the right man will enter my life and I will finally know the joy of having someone in my life who loves me unconditionally as I love him uncondtionally who we will respect and trust each other. We will be best friends, lovers, and a safe harbor in any storm that comes our way.

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