23 Jan 2013


Here is an article I am posting, as I think it is very important for people to read about GM foods.  I don’t like them and would like to see organic farming and small family farms the norm and agri-business and corporate farming on the decline until one day we don’t have to deal with the horrid effects anymore.


I have talked about the Land Insitute of Salina, Kansas before.. I would encourage everyone to research them and check them out.


Tomorrow I have my CSA ( Childhood sexual abuse) survivors group, where I will turn in my letter to the Greek Gardener.

I always liked flowers and gardening.  I guess I inherited it from my English Grandmum..  You know how found the English are of flowers and gardening and just being outdoors.

I wonder if that love of flowers and gardening made me an easy target for the gardener, as I loved to work in the soil and watch pretty things grow?  Love roses.

Whereas other kids who didn’t love flowers and gardening would not have been so open to talk to a gardener about that topic would they?

My mother once told me many years ago when I was still a kid and we talked about this that it was my fault, as I didn’t stop him.  I didn’t even know what sex was as we hadn’t had the birds and bees talk yet.  If it has to be one of our faults, wouldn’t it be more her fault for failing to protect me and keep me safe while she was busy with her active social life that women in our class had?

Or shouldn’t we put the blame where the blame belongs on the Greek Gardener?

Need a song now.  Starting to get emotional now.  Why has everyone always BLAMED ME?

I wish I would have been able to spend a lot of time with my English Grandmum as I looked just liked her and she would have enjoyed helping to raise me.  She too loved the UK better then the United States.

I got along better with my other grandmama then my own mother and treasured the times we spent together.  I remember when she felt her daughter was picking on me as a little girl she would stand up to her daughter and tell her to stop.  I never forgot that.

Yes, I know at some point I will have to write a letter to my mother.


Have to remember that if I stay with the program that there is healing and I can finally get unstuck and embrace the future I was born for.

Talked to Cheryl and I ask that people pray for her healing.  She is dealing with some major health issues right now and has no medical insurance.

Need to stop writing for now.  Will write later.





  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:

    Someday I will make it home to the United Kingdom!!!!

  2. 2
    chrisy58 Says:

    I always like to leave on a good note, so will play this song before I go and do errands.

    Someday I will meet the right man that I have been dreaming and waiting for all these years. I still believe that he is out there somewhere waiting for me.

    Will he be British? Will he be American? Only God knows the answer to that question and when the time is right, I believe he will bring us together.

    Whoever he is I pray that he will love me unconditonally as I am, warts and all, as I will love him warts and all. That we will be best friends who is a safe harbor in any storm for each other, and together as one team, will fight against White Nationalists and their NAZI HATE, as well as other evil in the world.

    Who will value me as the rare jewell i am and who I will value as my hero and protector.

    I will never stop believing in LOVE.

  3. 3
    chrisy58 Says:

    My mother has been driving me crazy today. Hope she will settle down.

    Tomorrow is my group and I am feeling a little nervous as I have spent my life trying to not think about the Greek Gardener and this week’s assignment was to write a letter to him. So he is in my thoughts. Trying to decide if I want to eat tonight or write on my online journal.

    So if I decide to not eat then I will be writing a seperate entry after my mother goes to bed and I don’t have to worry about being interupted as I am writing my feelings out.

    I know in my heart that the best thing for me is to stay with the CSA survivor’s group. There is light at the end of this tunnel of ptsd. Just have to stick with the program, so that I am healed and God can bring the right man in my life and I can finally have the family I always dreamed of. I never wanted a big career, but to be the best wife and mother I could be. If I can become emotionally whole and the little girl becomes a woman emotionally, then I can have that.

    By me getting well and finding the love of a good man, then the evil gardener will not have succeeded in destroying me forever. I don’t want him to have victory on that front. I want to beat him by getting healing and embracing the future I was born for and always dreamed of.

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