31 Dec 2012

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Good morning. It is hard to believe that today is the last day of 2012. We will have to get used to writting 2013. I hope that 2013 will be a year of love and peace. That people will be willing to make peace. That old wars and misunderstandings will be ended and that truth will be stronger then the lies. Most important I hope that LOVE conquers HATE.

My New Years resolution is to continue to do the PTSD therapy and work at allowing myself feel safe to loose the weight. Because of what happen to me as a child when I was thin, I don’t feel safe being thin. My weight was and I guess is still a way to keep the bad men that I don’t want near me away from me. The problem with WALLS is that they keep the good men that I would want in my life away too. Hoping that continuing on the path I am now, that I will learn to build a DOOR in my wall, that I can close and open as needed..

I wonder if I will ever get to see my beloved Boston again, and put flowers on the family graves.. It will be 23 years since I have been home. Feel badly that I haven’t been able to put flowers on the graves, as nothing looks so sad as a grave that has no flowers.. When I lived there I would always put a Christmas wreath on my dad’s grave and flowers in Spring and Summer. Now for 23 years nothing.

Not going out tonight but stay home and ring on the new year on the computer, so I will be writing more later.

Going to work on taking more Christmas decorations and the tree down today.

Love
Chrisy

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