3 Dec 2012


Good morning.

Have Group this morning…  This afternoon I think I will look and see if I can find a nice potted Christmas tree.. Found some really small ones, but they are to small.  Love this time of year and all the lights at night…


children of Christmas – Michael Bolton


This is the time- Michael Bolton

Great song.

Last week we were talking in group about the progress we had all made.  I have made a lot of progress…  If I keep moving forward then 3 months from now, I will be even further along in putting the abuse behind me and embracing life.

It is not easy, but nothing in this life worth having is easy…

Maybe next Christmas I will have someone to share the Holidays with that is worthy of my unconditonal love, respect, trust, and submission.  It won’t be any White Nationalist..  It won’t be any Christian Idenitity  White Nationalist either, who pretends to be Christian and really isn’t.  I am tired of being harshly judged and told rebellion is the sin of witchcraft so I am a witch and the Bible says to burn witches…. Sadly while there is a part of me that misses the Catholic Church, I can’t deal with the whole church thing anymore.

I know if I had stayed with Jeff the CI/White Nationalist he would have killed me in the name of his God because in his mind, I was a witch because I couldn’t accept his teachings.  How could I a person who has a good mind, though self taught, accept his CI/White Nationalist teachings of the Jews being the children of Satan, and the Blacks being the children of Cain who are cursed.. That the true Israel was the White race. Tell me how can a sane person believe that CI/White Nationalist crap. I call it crap because it is crap.

I have a lot of good qualities and am a very loving person.  I have a lot of love to give the right man.  Because of that, I am taking my time and waiting for the right person for me. Jeff seemed normal at first too, but after awhile he showed the true Jeff and I was already trapped there.  A girl/woman has got to be careful, because White Nationalist men like Jeff seem really charming at first.  That is part of the plan to bring you into White Nationalism.. They slowly reveal themselves to you once you are in love with them and are more likely to accept their teachings as your own.

Right now, I am going to focus on loosing the weight and not believing the lie that White Nationalists told me that I am to ugly to be with. That made me feel like crap so I ate even more because I thought I was born to ugly for any nice guy to want to be with.  Yet, before when I was still living in New England, guys made me feel pretty.  Maybe to New England guys I am pretty, but to White Nationalist men I am ugly because I am Celtic/English and not the blonde hair/blue eyed German girl.. Sorry but I didn’t inherit my mom’s blue eyes and light hair.  Took after my British side…

Part of the getting better is to be able to look in the mirror at some point and think I am pretty and that I am not the ugliest person ever born because I have brown hair and brown eyes and fair skin with freckles….Need to remember New England guys thought I was pretty. Since I take after my British side, British guys also think I am attractive.. So maybe that is what I should do is to stick with Brits and guys from New England who value all woman and not just Blonde/ Blue eyed women who meet their idea of what a White woman should look like.

Not all White Nationalist men are like this.  But enough are that there was always a debate going on that turned into a man against woman thread with the result that the thread would be closed until the next time…

Hope that other women will realize the truth about White Nationalism and leave.  Haven’t reached the end zone yet but slowly I am making my way there.  There is healing and life after White Nationalism.  I believe that with all my heart.  Hope you can believe it too.  Hopefully, this journal of my journey to the light from the darkness will inspire and encourage you to leave White Nationalism too….

Merry Christmas




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