2 Nov 2012

Good morning.  Hope everyone has a great Friday.

Continuing my homework assignment I came up with a con for the question of what does my mother’s manupilation cost me.


It limits my freedom and choices I make and have in my own life as I am under her total control.


This quote came from one of my wiccan groups on facebook called Wicca Radio:

Three things of life that, once gone, never come back: time, words, and opportunity

Three things of life that must not be lost:  peace, hope and honesty

Three things of life that are valuable, unconditonal love, self confidence and friends.

Really love that quote so am sharing it with you.


Before I comment on the quote will play a song.


Stevie Nicks- Crystal/ Practical Magic

Love the singer and the movie. Stevie Nicks is from AZ my friend Cheryl has seen her many times when she comes to Phoenix to perform.  I hope to catch her the next time she gives a concert here.  ————————————–

I know Christians think I am an evil witch because I have heard so many times that rebellion is the sin of witchcraft and I am a witch and that they burn witches.  Jeff used to tell me that all the time.. I couldn’t submit and obey Jeff and his Christian Idenitity/White Nationalism.

Yet, it was my wiccan friends who have been a healing presence in my life.  They didn’t push their faith upon me but encourage me to find the spirital path that is right for me.  They don’t judge me for my special gifts I was born with..  To Christians those gifs are evil and from the evil one, but my wiccan friends encourage me to develop them and use them for the good of others.

We are all born with certain gifts.  How can something be evil if God gave you that gift?

I love that quote as it is something that I have always tried to do.  I have always love unconditonally, have compassion for others, and be honest.  Never give up hope and try to give hope to others when they are feeling depressed.  I have never known depression as I never give up hope nor do I quit easily, so I keep on being the little engine that could and overcome the struggles to achieve my dreams and goals.

There are other areas that I am working on.  To not say hurtful words when I hurt and angry.  Still speak the truth, but do it in such a way as to not be mean or cause other pains the way that others have caused me pain for their words spoken to me in anger.

I need to develop self confidence and believe in myself that I can achieve what I was born to achieve.  We are all born with a destiny.  Every single one of us.  With therapy I hope that this lost child will be allowed to discover and develop my talents and gifts and not made to feel guilty because I am different then my peers…

In the movie when they were little girls and the other children threw rocks at them for being witches, I could relate.  I was different and they would say the most mean and terrible things to me.  Was never good at sports so I was always the last one picked for sports teams.  I don’t have good balance and cordination.. The only sport that I was half way good at was riding horses.  The horse was the one who had the balance and cordination. My dad who I inherited his not being good at sports, was good at sailing, so I could learn how to sail.  Was just learning to sail when we moved out of Playa Del Rey… I inherited my mother’s musical side…

For so many years I have gone back and forth between accepting my wiccan side that I was born with and the Christian side I was taught as a child…. I am not Pagan in that I believe in Jesus and Mary and the Deity of the Catholic Church I was taught, but at the same time, I don’t feel my gifts like reading Tarot or other such gifts are evil and from the devil.  I love the old Celtic Ways and don’t feel that they are evil… My honor my Celtic side and ancestors and their beliefs.  I find when I allow myself to listen and heed their ways and call that I am a better person inside and stronger.  When I listen to the Catholic/Christian side then I feel that I am scared into returning and trying to renounce my Celtic Wiccan side by hearing I am going to hell if I don’t renounce it and repent.  So the battle within continues and back and worth I go like a willow tree swaying in the wind.

A Catholic friend posted a video the other day of a Christian Pastor getting rid of demons in a man who was a druid before Christian.  He made it seem like the Celtic symbols tattooed on this man were evil and of the devil…. I posted on her facebook, that I wondered if this was true or just poor acting for Halloween.

Christians don’t like Samhain/Halloween either, so I wasn’t sure if this was posted to convince people that Halloween is evil and that if you allow yourself and your kids to celebrate Halloween that you too could be pocessed by the devil and have to be exorcised?

I have studied a little about druids as they are not wiccan but they are part of a Celtic Religion rebirth… They honor nature like Wiccans do.   Haven’t been to a druid cermony in person but I have been to a Wiccan and one doesn’t get pocessed by the devil for taking part in a circle or ritual… That is why I have to wonder if that video is true or just bad acting to scare people into thinking that the old religions like Wiccan and Druids are EVIL and the only path to God is through their church.

Wiccans and others are coming out of the closet now and are being more open about the faith, but I also worry that other faiths like Christian and Islam will at some point when they gain power will bring back the burning days.

I know people will talk as they always do and say she is a witch… I really don’t care anymore.  I know the truth, that I don’t know what I am at this point.  I can’t fully embrace the Wiccan faith and I can’t fully embrace the Christian faith…  One of the things I am working on is to discover if I am Wiccan or if I am Christian.

The college doesn’t take appointments so I am going to go down today and talk to someone about taking a few classes.  They do have voice classes which I want to take and I also want to start playing an instrument again.  Guitar 1 is what I am thiking.  They offer piano which I already know and guitar which I don’t know as well.  A guitar I can take with me like my fiddle and don’t need a moving van…  Also music theory…  Would even like to try and compose a few songs myself as I am very poetic and have good verbal skills and writing skills, so I could get my feelings out in writing songs which will help in my healing.

They do have choirs that I can try out for, so it looks like the community college has a decent music program… Whereever I go from here, I can continue on with my music and allowing myself the freedom to make the choices I want to make and not be made to feel guilty because others don’t like the person I am.

If it turns out I am more wiccan then christian then others are going to have to accept it.

I don’t know who I am at this point.  Never really been allowed the chance to discover who I really am.  Is it really so evil, if it turns out I am Wiccan inside?


Stevie Nicks- Rhiannon

Love this song too.

Will let you know what I find at the college later.

Have a good day.






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