15 Oct 2012

Good morning.  Hope everyone has a good Monday.  Not PTSD Group today as they are moving.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egJR3K6UIJY

Take me home- Phil Collins

Will make it out of the United States someday and to Skye, Scotland..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmfqLOLCNi8

True Colors- Phil Collins

maybe someday people will see my true colors and the true me.  It is hard to keep the faith that the truth always comes out in the end and the right thing will be done, because year after the year nothing good happens on that front.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_V4GViNixY

groovy kind of love- Phil Collins

This is the way I felt about my old friend in MA when we first met, that no matter what HELL I went through at the hands of my mother that I was always happy to be around him.  then the day happen in the barn when I asked him for help, because I NEEDED a SAFE PLACE AWAY FROM MY MOTHER A DAY OR TWO and instead of the friend I thought I had, I FOUND THE ENEMY…

I dreamed of him again last night… I dream of him a lot…. I get mad at myself when I dream of him, because I KNOW BY HIS ACTIONS THAT HE ONLY PRETENDED TO BE MY FRIEND, WHILE I WAS HIS TRUE FRIEND AND STILL AM.  I AM SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW CAN I STILL LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY AS MY FRIEND WHEN HE WOULD REFUSE ME AIDE WHEN I WAS A LADY IN DISTRESS?

I THOUGHT HE WAS A REAL MAN OF HONOR, COURAGE, AND VALUED TRUTH.  THAT AS I WAS HIS WING PERSON IN A FIGHT OUT OF LOVE FOR A FRIEND THAT HE WAS MINE TOO.  BOY WAS I WRONG AND DISAPPOINTED ON THAT SCORE….

NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE HAVE I BEEN TREATED AS BADLY BY ANYONE WHEN SEEKING HELP AND A SAFE PLACE TO HIDE FROM MY MOTHER OR ANY OF THE BAD GUYS….  HE IS THE FIRST ONE TO REFUSE ME SHELTER OR HELP….

HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SUCH A GREAT CATHOLIC, YET REFUSES THOSE IN TROUBLE AIDE AND SHELTER FROM ABUSE… IN MY EYES HE IS A TERRIBLE CATHOLIC…  AT LEAST I DON’T PRETEND TO BE A GREAT AND DEVOUT CATHOLIC LIKE HE DOES….. DO I  USE THE WORD HYPROCRIT?

I want to MAKE IT LOUD AND CLEAR THAT I DON’T HATE THIS PERSON.  I AM ANGRY BUT I STILL LOVE HIM AS A FRIEND….. WHY DOES EVERYONE JUST ASSUME THAT IF YOU ARE ANGRY AT SOMEONE OUT OF RIGHTOUS ANGER THAT YOU HATE THEM?  THAT IS A LIE AND A FALSE ASSUMPTION…. YOU GET MORE ANGRY WITH THOSE YOU LOVE WHEN THEY HURT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=manxPVTLth8

In the Air- Phil Collins

I really love Phil Collins… I listen to him a lot.

Someday I will get this man out of my heart and won’t dream about him anymore….  Will move out of the United States to the United Kingdom which is my homeland….

One thing that makes me angry with this person, is that others in his family say things like we help others who are in trouble because it is the Catholic thing to do to help others without a thought of what you get in return… I guess their oldest brother didn’t get the memo on that topic…

How can he sleep at night knowing that he REFUSED AIDE AND A SAFE PLACE TO HIDE TO SOMEONE WHO WAS BEING ABUSED HORRIDLY?  HAVE YOU TOLD THAT TO YOUR PRIEST?

OH BUT THAT IS RIGHT, HE IS A RICH CATHOLIC SO THEY WILL LET IT SLIDE AS THEY WOULDN’T WANT TO PRICK HIS HEART OF HIS SINS SO THAT HE WOULD HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE FEEL A LITTLE SORRY FOR BEING SO INDIFFERENT TO A LADY IN DISTRESS WHO NEEDED A SAFE PLACE TO HIDE FROM EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT PRETENDING.  I HAVE A LOT OF ISSUES TO WORK OUT WITH THE CATHOLIC/CHRISTIAN FAITH….. I LOST THE FRIENDSHIP OF A NUN WHO WAS VERY DEAR TO ME BECAUSE SHE CHOSE TO ACCEPT MONEY FROM THIS FAMILY INSTEAD OF HER LONG STANDING FRIENDSHIP WITH ME.  I WAS TOLD HE IS A VERY COMPLEX PERSON SO JUST LOOK AT THE HORRID WAY HE TREATED YOU AS GOD’S WILL AND LET GO, AS EXCEPTIONS ARE MADE IN HIS CASE….

I DON’T GO TO MASS… I DON’T TRUST THE CHURCH ANYMORE TO DO THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE I KNOW BECAUSE OF THIS PERSON AND HOW THE CHURCH ACTED THAT THERE IS ONE STANDARD FOR HIM WHO IS RICH AND POWERFUL AND ANOTHER FOR THE REST OF US.  IF THAT IS THE TRUE CHURCH OF CHRIST THEN NO THANK YOU.

I TRY AND TRY TO COME BACK TO THE CHURCH, BUT THE SOUR TASTE OF THIS PERSON WHO I WILL CALL THE PRINCE, IS STILL WITH ME….. WE HAVE SOME UNFINISHED THINGS TO SAY WHICH IS WHY I MOST LIKELY STILL DREAM OF HIM ALOT.  SO MAD AT MYSELF BECAUSE I CAN’T MAKE ME STOP DREAMING OF HIM IN MY SLEEP…..

Sorry for the all caps.  I am not yelling, I use them for my level of PASSION…

I am a very passionate woman….

Need to deal with my mother so will vent more later.

We don’t have to take abuse anymore.  I know you are thinking who is she to talk as she is still under the control of her mother.. I am trying my best to pull things together so that I can leave the United States and out of the crazy house and start a new life with normal people who understand my BRITISH SIDE in SCOTLAND AND THE UNITED KINDGDOM…..

I WILL MAKE IT THERE SOMEDAY AND LEAVE THE UNITED STATES BEHIND..

Will end with a song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKUBTX9kKEo

Baba O’Riley- The Who

My Irish side comes from O’Riley

Today is a new day and I need to move on from the dream I had last night.

Love

Chrisy

 

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