19 May 2013

There are more examples besides those two that the artist could have included in this cartoon, but there are so many examples that there wasn’t enough room to list them all.

I can tell you exactly what the White House talking heads will say on the Sunday Morning News Shows. IT WAS GEORGE W BUSH’S FAULT, I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL THE AMERICAN PUBLIC KNEW, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL, AND ANY OTHER EXCUSE THAT CAN BE FOUND.

It makes me sick that people who I think have a good mind, refuse to use that mind to think, but blindly follow the orders they are given and LIE to PROTECT OBAMA BECAUSE HE IS A DEMOCRAT.

I may not have a fancy college degree but I KNOW HOW TO THINK AND I HAVE A GOOD MIND. I LISTEN TO BOTH SIDES WITH AN OPEN MIND AND BELIEVE IN TRUTH, JUSTICE AND MORAL COURAGE. DUTY IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. I PUT WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE COUNTRY OVER WHAT IS BEST FOR ONE POLITICAL PARTY.

It is sad but I don’t see that from DEMOCRATS. I SEE BLAMING GEORGE BUSH WHO HASN’T BEEN PRESIDENT FOR 5 YEARS. AT WHAT POINT DOES OBAMA BECOME RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS UNDER HIS WATCH AND THE DEMOCRATS STOP HOLDING BUSH RESPONSIBLE WHEN HE ISN’T EVEN PRESIDENT ANYMORE? TO ME THAT IS BEING DISHONEST. YOU ARE IN DENIAL AND SO BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FACE THE TRUTH ABOUT OBAMA YOU BLAME BUSH TO THIS DAY. HOW CAN I RESPECT SOMEONE WHO IS BEING DISHONEST WITH THEMSELVES AND REFUSES TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND?

I HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND I STILL THINK THAT IF PEOPLE OF HONOR WITH GOOD FAITH COME TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT IDEAS AND SOLUTIONS THAT WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT ON IMPEACHING OBAMA..OBAMA MUST DO THE TIME FOR THE CRIMES HE HAS BEEN PART OF. THe PUNISHMENT IS BEING REMOVED FROM OFFICE IN DISHONOR. THE HONOR OF OUR NATION AND GOVERNMENT DEMAND HIS IMPEACHMENT OR HIM RESIGNING FROM OFFICE OF PRESIDENT NOW.

IT IS GOOD FOR THE DEMOCRATS BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH BIDEN HAD BEEN PART OF SOME OF THESE CRIMES, HE IS NOT THE TOP MAN AND HE IS VICE PRESIDENT SO HE WOULD BECOME PRESIDENT. ONCE HE IS PRESIDENT THEN HE WOULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS AS HE WOULD BE TOP MAN. PUTTING THIS BEHIND THEM AND NOT ALLOWING IT TO GROW LIKE ONE SNOWBALL GROWS AND GROWS AS IT ROLLS DOWN THE HILL IS GOOD FOR THEM. IT IS BEST FOR DEMOCRATS TO ACCEPT OBAMA IS THE ONE WHO MUST PAY THE PRICE FOR THE EVIL DEEDS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE. IF THEY CAN MOVE FORWARD WITH BIDEN AND HE STOPS THE TARGETING OF CONSERVATIVES, THE MEDIA AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES OR MAKES OBAMA ANGRY THEN THEY DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SNOWBALL GROWING AND GROWING WHERE IT REACHES THAT POINT IT IS SO BIG THAT THERE IS NO STOPPING THE DESTRUCTION THAT IT WILL DO TO THEIR PARTY. THEY WILL BE ON THE DEFENSIVE FOR THE 2014 AND 2016 ELECTIONS.

IT IS GOOD FOR CONSERVATIVES BECAUSE OBAMA IS GONE NOW. THE TARGETING ON US WILL STOP. HEALING CAN BEGIN. AMERICANS CAN START TO TRUST THEIR GOVERNMENT AGAIN, IF BIDEN CAN BE LIKE FORD, AND WORK TO BRING HEALING AND TRUST BACK. IF HE CONTINUES TO PLAY THE SAME OLE SAME OLE THAT OBAMA DID THEN BIDEN WILL THEN BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE AND THE DEMOCRATS WILL LOOSE POWER IN THE UPCOMMING ELECTIONS.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE REASONABLE DISCUSSION WITH DEMOCRATS WHO CONTINUE TO BE IN DENIAL, LIE AND COVER UP, AND BLAME EVERYTHING ON A MAN WHO HASN’T BEEN PRESIDENT FOR FIVE YEARS?

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT CONSERVATIVES WILL MOVE PASS THEIR RIGHTOUS ANGER AND AGREE TO BIDEN BEING PRESIDENT FOR THE REST OF OBAMA’S TERM?

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET OBAMA OUT NOW AND TO MOVE PASS THIS. OUR NATION NEEDS HEALING. OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT. THE ORDERS CAME FROM HIM. HE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON AND ENCOURAGED IT. IF HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON THEN HE IS TO STUPID TO BE PRESIDENT AND MUST BE REMOVED BECAUSE HE IS NOT MENTALLY ABLE TO BE PRESIDENT. EITHER WAY OBAMA HAS TO BE REMOVED FROM OFFICE FOR THE CRIMES COMMITTED UNDER HIS WATCH. IT IS OBAMA’S WATCH AND NOT GEORGE W BUSH.

TO CONTINUE TO BLAME BUSH AND COVER UP FOR OBAMA IS DISHONEST INTELLECTLY IN MY EYES. HOW CAN I REASON WITH SOMEONE WHO REFUSES TO DEAL HONESTLY WITH THE TRUTH AND USING REASON TO FIND SOLUTIONS?

the highway don’t care

I am sorry if I am so PASSIONATE, but we Celts/Brits are PASSIONATE PEOPLE. Chruchill and Thatcher were PASSONATE too.

REMEMBER I AM NOT YELLING BUT AM PASSIONATE WHEN I USE CAPS.

IF I STILL DIDN’T CARE ABOUT AMERICA I WOULDN’T BE SO PASSIONATE AND ANGRY. REMEMBER ANGER IS A SECONDARY EMOTION TO THE PRIMARY EMOTION OF BEING HURT. ALL MY LIFE PEOPLE HAVE MISUNDERSTAND MY ANGER AS HATE, BUT ANGER IS NOT HATE. YOU GET ANGRY BECAUSE YOU LOVE AND ARE HURT BY THE PERSON. HATE IS INDIFFERENCE AND NOT CARING. SO WHEN YOU GET ANGRY IT SHOWS YOU STILL HAVE LOVE FOR THE PERSON, COUNTRY, OR EVENT THAT HURT YOU.

ALOT OF US WHO SUFFER FROM PTSD HAVE ANGER ISSUES BECAUSE WE WERE HURT.

THERE IS RIGHTOUS ANGER. MINE IS A RIGHTOUS ANGER. IT MAKES ME STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND HONOR. IT GIVES ME THE MORAL COURAGE TO FIGHT THE MORAL IMPERATIVES IN LIFE. I CHANNEL MY ANGER INTO FIGHTING FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND A BETTER WORLD.

HAVE A LOT TO DO TODAY. SORRY TO VENT MY DISAPPOINTMENT OF DEMOCRATS WHO REFUSE TO BE INTELLECTLY HONEST AND LISTEN WITH AN OPEN MIND TO SOMEONE WHO IS A CONSERVATIVE AND WHO IS WILLING TO LISTEN TO THEM WITH AN OPEN MIND, WITH THE HOPES OF FINDING A SOLUTION THAT WORKS FOR BOTH OF US.

THEY KEEP BLAMING BUSH, BUT WHERE IS THE PROOF THAT BUSH IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING SINCE HE LEFT OFFICE. THE PROOF LEADS TO OBAMA AND NOT BUSH.

MAYBE THEY ARE NOT USE TO PEOPLE ASKING FOR PROOF? JEFF HATED IT WHEN I WOULD ASK FOR PROOF AND YELL AT ME. I WAS TOLD I WAS TO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND OR THAT REBELLION WAS THE SIN OF WITCHCRAFT AND I WAS A WITCH FOR NOT EMBRACING HIS CI/WHITE NATIONALISM.

I WONDER IF I WILL EVER FIND AN AMERICAN WHO UNDERSTANDS ME AND VALUES MY MIND? WHO DOESN’T WANT A ROBOT BUT A WOMAN WHO IS FAIR AND OPEN BUT UNDERSTANDS THE ISSUES ON HER OWN AND AFTER LOOKING AT ALL THE PROOF MAKES UP HER OWN MIND. MOST AMERICANS WANT A WOMAN WHO PARROTS WHAT SHE IS TOLD. THEY GET ANGRY AND CAN’T HANDLE IT WHEN A WOMAN ASKS FOR PROOF TO VERIFY WHAT THEY ARE SAYING… I DONT’ MEAN TO BE DIFFICULT BUT BEFORE I EMBRACE A BELIEF I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHY THEY BELIEVE WHAT THEY DO AND MAKE THE CLAIMS THEY DO.

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A GOOD MIND DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T BELIEVE IN TRADITONAL ROLES OF MEN AND WOMEN. I WANT TO USE MY GOOD MIND TO BE A GOOD HELPMATE AND HELP THE MAN I LOVE BE THE BEST MAN HE CAN BE AND ACHIEVE HIS DESTINY. I LIKE BEING A WOMAN AND DON’T WANT TO BE A MAN. I JUST WANT TO BE A GOOD HELPMATE. I AM STRONG BUT ENJOY BEING AN OLD FASHION WOMAN WHO IS VALUED AND CHERISHED BY AN OLD FASHION MAN, WHO SEES ME FOR THE RARE JEWEL I AM.

Soon I will be moving to the country. I will still be active on my blog and speak out on what I consider is important.

Hope everyone has a great day.

16 May 2013

Good morning. I picked this picture today, because I still hope and pray that someday I will meet a man who is strong enough to handle me and reign me in when I need it. Have yet to meet my match. I need a strong man who can show me he can put me in my place… Have never met that person.

Am a strong Celtic/British woman who needs a man who isn’t afraid to stand up to me and tell me I am wrong and when I am right listen to me and know that I am not stupid. That one can be smart and not have a fancy college degree from some ivy league school. I have common sense and knowledge from the school of hard knocks.

You see I want a man who I can respect and I will respect the man who is strong enough and has the courage to face me and reign me in when I get to wild for my own good. Have always liked to go fast. I have always loved fast horses, cars, and bikes( motor).

I think that is why if I had been born boy/man I would have joined the navy. My brother was Air Force. I have a nephew in the Army. Yet, I have always liked the Navy myself.

The funny thing is the doctor told my parents I was going to be a boy. they were going to name me after my Scottish/British grandfather John Robert. They didn’t have any girls names. I like both those names for boys as they are strong names. Surprise, I was born a girl. They didn’t have a name for me as they had been told I would be a boy. They finally found a name for me. They named me Camela Julie. Camela is a pretty name but no one could ever pronounce it correctly. It is pronounced like Pamela but only with a C. Or Camelot but only with an a at the end. I always had to correct everyone. Family called me Camie but people still try and call me TAMIE.. I got tired of having to say I am not Tamie with a T but Camie with a C. My English/British Grandmum was Emma. I wish they would have called me Emma. as I like Emma. It is a good English name.

When my father died and I was living in MA I legally changed my name to Christine Camela and dropped the Julie after my mom. Sometimes my mother said I hated the name Camela. I didn’t hate it or I wouldn’t have kept it as a middle name. I just didn’t like having it as a first name and having to deal with people not pronouncing it correctly. I chose Christine because when we were in Europe there was an English boy I became close and kept an eye out on the tour. His name was Christian so Christine was I thought a fem version of Christian.

My mother never understood me and always twisted things so that the truth was always distorted to the point it became a lie about me. It wasn’t her fault as some people are not able to think outside the box and look at the whole picture… or try to see and understand why people feel or do the things they do and look at the heart.. sometimes the truth is hidden very deep in a person and isn’t always on the outside and easy for people to see. You have to dig deep for the truth. You have to be willing to do your own research and really talk and listen to a person.

With Helen I was talking about an old friend who once told me I was pretty enough on the outside but didn’t have anything between the ears. I didn’t say anything. But I was thinking he doesn’t know me at all and doesn’t see the true me; how am I going to help him see the true me and the truth of what I am saying. How am I going to get him to open his mind and really listen and want to find the truth. I am a deep thinker, but this friend couldn’t see that because I kept my thoughts to myself. With the PTSD I can’t express very well the thoughts I have and say the things I have to say and put them into words. I write better then I speak. It is my fault that I couldn’t communicate in such a way for him to see the truth and join the fight against White Nationalism and other evil in this world.

Plus add that because I was verbally abused in my life and screamed at in anger and the most nasty things said to me by my mother, I will not do that to anyone else. I have learned to remain calm and be silent until I can speak to the person and not at the person. That is where the turtle comes into play and I retreat without a word. That is why I offered to play backgammon with this person so we can take our anger and passion for the other person in beating them at a game that allows us to still talk. We could even play for stakes. that way we both are talking to each other and not at each other because we both have celtic tempers.. I have over 20 years of anger passion toward him and he will be angry with me when he hears some of the truth I need to say to him…Yet, I believe if we can cool down our anger toward each other down enough we can talk things out and make peace and join forces to fight against White Nationalism and other issues we need to work together on as one team.

I have always been his wing person, but I know he isn’t mine.

Someday I will meet the right man for me. Who understands that truth, justice, duty, courage, and moral character are the most important things to me. I think that is why I have always liked the Navy because those are values that are very important to those who serve in the Armed Forces of both the United Kingdom and the United States. Though in the United States the President and Commander in Chief Obama doesn’t value the lives of the men and woman in the United States Arm Forces, like PM David Cameron values the lives of the men and woman in the Royal Armed Forces.

You have to remember that before 1972 and what happen to by dad under Nixon I loved the United States under President Kennedy first and the United Kingdom second. After the British Government saved my dad’s life it changed and I loved the British Government first and the United States second. Under Nixon I learned the truth that the United States Government looks at its people as cannon fodder and not human beings.

President Kennedy looked at us as human beings.

Obama looks at us as cannon fodder.

I haven’t even talked about the what the Government under Obama did to the AP reporters. He thinks he can lie and blame it on some low ranking person when everyone knows he gave the orders to do it and people followed those orders because they didn’t want to know the wrath of Obama upon them. That is 4 items that are coming out about the crimes of Obama. Hopefully Americans in Government of both Political Parties will find the courage and honor to do the right thing and start impeachment hearings.

We must show the people that the American Government does value truth, justice, duty, and has the courage and moral character to punish wrong and evil behavior even if the person doing the wrong and telling the lies is PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

People complain about BIDEN, but Biden would be better then OBAMA at this point. IT IS A MORAL IMPERATIVE THAT WE SHOW THE WORLD THAT JUSTICE STILL EXISTS IN THIS NATION AND WE STILL HAVE A FREE PRESS WHO WILL MAKE THE PRESIDENT AND HIS GOVERNMENT ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. WITH THE AP STORY, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE 1ST AMMENDMENT. IT IS TIME FOR THEM TO STOP LYING AND COVERING UP FOR OBAMA, BUT TO JOIN THE VOICES THAT CALL FOR HIS IMPEACHMENT, EVEN IF IT MEANS BIDEN WILL BECOME PRESIDENT FOR THE REST OF OBAMA’S SECOND TERM. I TRULY BELIEVE IN MY HEART IT IS THE BEST THING FOR THE COUNTRY TO HAVE JOE BIDEN BECOME PRESIDENT AND FINISH OUT OBAMA’S SECOND TERM. SO THAT WE AS A NATION CAN BEGIN TO HEAL THIS NATION AFTER THE DISASTER PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS BEEN. I BELIEVE JOE BIDEN CAN BEGIN TO BRING THIS COUNTRY TOGETHER AND WE CAN MOVE FORWARD AND BEGIN TO TACKLE THE IMPORTANT ISSUES FACING THIS COUNTRY. YES HE IS A DEMOCRAT, BUT I STILL BELIEVE HE HASN’T BEEN GIVEN A FAIR CHANCE TO SHOW THE REAL MAN AND LEADER HE CAN BE.

I THINK BACK ON TRUMAN, WHO DIDN’T LIKE BEING VICE PRESIDENT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT REALLY IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING. I DON’T THINK BIDEN IS A BIG FOOL AS SOME PAINT HIM OUT TO BE. I BELIEVE THAT FOR THE HONOR OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY THAT THEY WILL HAVE TO IMPEACH OBAMA AND PUT BIDEN AS PRESIDENT. ALLOWING A FELLOW DEMOCRAT WHO HE APPOINTED AMBASSADOR TO BE TORTUED AND KILLED WHILE YOU ORDER THE TROOPS TO STAND DOWN NOT ONCE BUT 3 TIMES AND THEN FIRE THE GENERALS WHO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH NOT SENDING SUPPORT AND HELP TO AN AMERICAN AMBASSADOR IS UNFORGIVABLE. OBAMA THINKS HE CAN CONTINUE TO LIE, COVER UP, SPIN, THROW AN UNDER PERSON UNDER THE BUS. WE MUST MAKE IT VERY CLEAR TO OBAMA THAT HE CAN’T GET AWAY WITH HIS CRIMES ANYMORE THEN NIXON DID..

IF I SEE THE DEMOCRATS AND THE REPUBLICANS IMPEACH OBAMA AND PUT BIDEN INTO POWER AS PRESIDENT THEN I WILL BEGIN TO HAVE MY FAITH IN THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT AGAIN. IF OBAMA FINISHES OUT HIS SECOND TERM AND THE SAME OLE SAME OLE OF POLITICAL GAMES AND SPIN CONTINUES AND HE DOESN’T ANSWER FOR HIS CRIMES THAT HE HAS COMMITTED AS PRESIDENT, THEN I WILL CONTINUE TO BE ANGRY AT THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT AND THINK THAT ALL POLITICAL LEADERS OF BOTH POLITICAL PARTIES ( DEMOCRAT AND REPUBLICAN ) ARE COWARDS AND NO LONGER FOLLOW THEIR OATH TO THE CONSITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES. THAT THEIR LOYALITY OATH IS TO OBAMA AND NOT THE CONSITUTION AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

I DON’T KNOW WHY I STILL BELIEVE DEMOCRATS HAVE SOME HONOR LEFT INSIDE OF THEM AND THEIR PARTY? IS IT BECAUSE MY ONLY TWO AMERICAN HEROES IN MY LIFETIME WERE DEMOCRAT? IS IT THAT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP BECAUSE I HATE FAILURE SO MUCH?

I STILL BELIEVE THEIR IS HONOR IN REPUBLCIANS TOO. IS THAT BECAUSE MY DAD WAS A REPUBLICAN?

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL THAT AMERICANS WERE AMERICANS AND THEIR POLITICAL PARTY AND VIEW CAME SECOND TO PUTTING AMERICA FIRST AND THE CONSITUTION. HONOR WAS FOUND IN BOTH PARTIES THOUGH THEY HELD A DIFFERENT VIEW. THAT IS GONE NOW. MAYBE WE CAN FIND A WAY TO WORK TOGETHER TO STAND UP FOR A FREE PRESS AND THE FIRST AMMENDMENT?

IF THAT WERE TO HAPPEN IT MIGHT RESTORE MY FAITH, TRUST, RESPECT A LITTLE BIT FOR THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT. THAT IT IS NOT HOPELESS BUT TRUTH, COURAGE, AND DUTY TO THE CONSITUTION DO MATTER AND WHEN IT IS VIOLATED BY CORRUPT PRESIDENTS THEY ARE MADE TO LEAVE OFFICE AND HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR EVIL DEEDS AND CRIMES. THEY ARE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR EVERY LIE AND COVER UP. THEY ARE HELD ACCOUNTABLE WHEN THEY ABUSE THEIR POWER.

12 more days and then I will be moving out of AZ and back to Kansas in the country. Looking forward to the Smoky River Festival..

Hell Yeah

Love this song. I have always been one to stand up and not afraid to FIGHT… GUESS I AM LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO IS ANOTHER CELTIC WARRIOR. WE BOTH ARE WING PERSON FOR THE OTHER IN THIS LIFE AND KEEP EACH OTHER ON COURSE. I WANT US TO FEEL THAT BEING WITH THE OTHER AND FIGHTING ALONG SIDE OF THE OTHER IN THE MORAL IMPERATIVE BATTLES IN THIS LIFE IS THE BEST DAMN RIDE ONE COULD HAVE EVER IN THIS LIFE.

one of those nights

thunder road

Someday the right man will ask me if I want to be with him and be his helpmate and wing person in this life and I will say hell yeah.

Have a lot to do so will end for now.

7 May 2013

Good morning. Hope everyone has a great day.

There is a lot I could say about American Politics, but I won’t because I don’t believe that the United States Government represents the PEOPLE anymore… Don’t believe that WE THE PEOPLE can make a difference for GOOD in our current GOVERNMENT. The Government is full of lying scum bags who believe that the people are acceptable damage in the pursuit of their selfish goals. THEY DON’T CARE.

There are no men or women like GEORGE WASHINGTON WHO BELIEVE IN TRUTH, HONOR, OR MORAL CHARACTER. The men and women who are our POLITICAL LEADERS, LIE, ARE CORRUPTED, AND DISHONORABLE… THEY ARE BOUGHT AND PAID FOR BY THE HIGHEST BIDDER. The POLITICAL PARTIES ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM TOO, AS POLITICAL PARTIES COME FIRST OVER THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

I hear people say sign this petition or call your Representive, Senator, or President and I think what is the use? Done that and I never saw any good results. THEY DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH! THEY DON’T WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING! THEY DON’T GIVE A DAMN AND IF YOU DO GET A RESPONSE IT IS A LIE. YOU CAN’T TRUST THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INSANITY IS DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER THINKING YOU WILL GET A DIFFERENT RESULT. IT IS INSANE TO CONTINUE TO WRITE AND CALL OUR GOVERNMENT LEADERS, HOPING THAT THIS TIME THEY WILL DO THE RIGHT THING, WHEN ALL YOU EVER GET IS ANOTHER LIE… IT IS TIME TO REALIZE THAT YOU WILL NOT EVER FIND THE SOLUTION TO OUR PROBLEMS FACING US THROUGH GOVERNMENT.. IT IS TIME TO FIND ANOTHER COURSE TO TAKE, THAT WILL BRING ABOUT SOLUTIONS.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT VIOLENCE. VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. INSTEAD OF PUTTING OUR TIME AND ENERGY TRYING TO CALL ADN WRITE OUR POLITCAL LEADERS, LET US PUT OUR ENERGY IN REACHING OUT TO THE PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE BUT ONLY IF ENOUGH OF THE PEOPLE JOIN OUR VOICE.

Don’t put your faith in the United States Government to help you or save you, because if you are ever in trouble and need a helping hand in life, you will be told ” IT ISN’T MY PROBLEM”. You will be allowed to suffer and be abused, because after all you the people are acceptable damage, as you mean NOTHING TO THEM. YOU ARE CANNON FODDER AND YOUR LIFE MEANS NOTHING TO THE ELITE WHO SERVE IN THIS GOVERNMENT. THE ONLY THING THAT IS IMPORTANT TO THEM IS THEIR GOALS AND THEIR POWER. KARMA IS A BITCH SO WHAT THEY DID TO ME AND MY DAD, WILL COME BACK ON THEM. NIXON HAD TO LEAVE OFFICE SO KARMA BIT HIM, AND THE CONGRESSMAN THAT WAS SO COMPASSIONATE NOT, TO ME WILL HAVE KARMA BITE HIM ONE DAY TOO. HE WILL NEVER SUCCEED AND WILL NEVER BE A GREAT MAN OF HISTORY.. HE COULD HAVE BEEN BUT HE WILL NEVER BE NOW.

I just have to sit back and watch them self destruct. I am like the turtle and I reach the place where I know there is nothing I can do, I retreat back in my shell. I no longer want to be part of the Government of the United States. I am moving to the country and I am going to sit back and watch them play POLITICS and play their POWER GAMES and know that someday all the LIES and CORRUPTION WILL ONE DAY BITE THEM IN THE BUTT. My childhood GOALS and DREAMS are DEAD.

I was a stupid child who believed that Politics was an honorable profession, but the truth is that it is a dishonorable profession of liars and men/women with no real love for this nation. Great American Political Leaders like George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson no longer exist in American Politics or the Government.

I don’t want to hear how I am the cause of the failure of WE THE PEOPLE TAKING THE GOVERNMENT BACK FOR THE PEOPLE, BECAUSE I GIVE UP TRYING TO WRITE AND CALL MY POLITICAL LEADERS. I REFUSE TO CONTINUE TO WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY ON A LOST CAUSE.

I am moving to the country and just going to live life. I want peace and if God blesses me a good man who I love uncondtionally and who loves me uncondtionally. To ride horses again and even do some camping and fishing. To play my music and to sing. To live at peace and not have to FIGHT anymore.

Anywhere with you- Jake Owen

Someday I will meet a man who loves living in the country as much as I do. Who will want to race horses, 4 wheel drives and when we get to be old and in wheel chairs in a nursing home will race wheel chairs with me. Who likes girls who don’t like to wear make up and fancy designer clothes but blue jeans.

Remember when – Alan Jackson

Someone who we can look back and remember the good times. Someone to share our golden years with.. It is never to late to find your best friend, soulmate, lover, and start building good memories.

Bless the broken road- Rascal Flats

One year they sang at the Smoky River Festival.

Am looking forward to the festival this year..

5 May 2013

I love this picture. It reminds me of where I am moving to. When I was there looking for a place, I heard from people that it was supposed to be a cool Summer. That will be so nice.

A good friend of mine left for VA last night. They are moving there so I wish them a safe trip. She too is moving from the city to a small town. I am very happy for her and wish her and her man the best as they start a new chapter in VA.

Tim McGraw- One of those nights.

Love this song.

George Strait- Yes or No

Am looking forward to the Smoky River Festival this June. It is always so much fun.

Alan Jackson- Good Time

http://www.riverfestival.com/2012/

Big Band Dance, featuring
Bobby Layne & His Orchestra
with vocalist Trudy DuMay

Friday, 7-10:30 p.m., Bicentennial Center

Celebrating 56 years in Big Band, Layne is a master of the beloved music of the 30′s, 40′s, and 50′s, including such tunes as: “String of Pearls,” “In the Mood,” “Stardust,” and many other favorites. Trudy DuMay has been a featured vocalist with the Orchestra since 1974, with a talent for “bringing out the best in a song, in the big band style.” Don’t miss the “Salute to the Troops” and other nostalgic, sway-able tunes.

My uncle Jack really enjoyed the Big Band Night, as he was a very good musican and played the drums. He knew all the Big Bands that came through town. He would talk to them after the show as he knew them and they knew him.

I think that is one reason why I like the music of the Big Band era.. Glenn Miller was very talented. I like his Little Brown Jug version. He wrote that for his wife. In the Mood is another great song.

Glenn Miller- In the Mood

Little Brown Jug

There are so many kinds of music I enjoy listening to and even playing. I like Classical too…

I am really enjoying learning how to play the Bodhran..

Hope everyone has a great day.

3 May 2013

Good morning. Hope everyone has a great day.

Will continue to work on getting things sorted and get everything ready for the move. It is starting to get really hot here so am happy that I have less then a month to go.

I have a good friend moving to VA this weekend. She is happy to be getting out of the AZ heat too. She will like VA as it is very beautiful there. Wish her a safe trip. I know she will be very happy..

I started to binge eat yesterday, but that is because of emotions. Why is it that some men think they can get women to send them money or expensive items by sweet talking them? I have fallen for those tricks before and aren’t falling for them again. They think that by saying I love you to an ugly girl that she will give them material goods.

They act like they like you and you can trust them and then will you buy me this or that?

I know I am not beautiful. Never was and never will be. I am ok with that and can live with not having a man in my life. I would love to find the right man and find true love.. Every human being alive on the planet would like to love and be loved unconditionally and have someone to walk along side of in this life. I am no different and have those same feelings. Maybe someday I will meet a man that is not the most handsome man on the planet but who has a good heart and is honest and is ok with a woman who is not the most beautiful woman on the planet who has a good heart and is honest?

I am not going to buy a man!!!! If one has to buy a man so they are not alone in this life, then there is no real love between them. I would rather have five minutes of a true relationship then 5 years in a relationship based on you having the money to buy the man the material goods he wants or a one way ticket to America because he is trying to flee Greece.

Where I am going, I think I will have a better selection of men to choose from. Those who love horses and we can race each other on horses and even 4 wheel drives.. My horses Jet and Tia were really fast. I thought about racing someone on a 4 wheeler once and asked how fast he thought his 4 wheeler would go. Who love dirt bikes and don’t mind getting dirty. There will be country men where I am moving too that like pick up trucks and getting mud on the tires, lol..

Who likes country living better then city living. Who would rather be out in the middle of no where so you can see the stars and the moon in the night sky without a lot of city lights getting in the way. Who like camping and being outdoors enjoying nature then being stuck in some city that is smelly, noisy, and people can’t relax because they are always in a hurry to get somewhere else..

If someone can’t see that beauty on the inside makes a person beautiful on the outside, then he isn’t worthy of me. I have a heart of Gold and a beautiful smile and that inner beauty makes me beautiful on the outside.

Some women can be the most beautiful person on the outside but inside have no heart. They are ugly inside and that at some point makes them ugly on the outside. I would think men would rather be with someone who is beautiful on the inside who they know will treat them right, then someone who is a beauty on the outside only?

Maybe it is only me, but I would rather be with a man who is handsome on the inside and I know will treat me right then someone who is handsome only on the outside and inside is an ugly person because he has no heart.

Janis Ian- At Seventeen

Old song, but it fit the mood I am in today.

One of the goals I am working on in empowerment group is to be able to look in a mirror and think I look good in an outfit.

I like the line in the song where she says that dreams were all they gave to ugly girls like me. That is true.

It is American men who have my whole life made me feel I was to ugly to love. The British men have always made me feel pretty in their eyes, but I guess it is because I look like my British Grandmum so my looks appeal more to Brits then Americans. I keep on hoping that there are American men who can value me for the woman I am.

I love British men, because they look at the whole package. American men I have known in my life in a romantic way only look at the outside. I remember listening to them whining about being hurt by women who were beautiful on the outside but just using them for money and material things. Yet, the women who are not as pretty but have a beautiful heart and would treat them right and be good helpmates in life are left sitting at home,as American men want the beauty queen over the nice girl who would make them happy because she loves them for who they are as people and not what material things they can give her.

I had a chance to be loved by a nice guy who was in England. We both have the English look so to me he was handsome and to him I was pretty. Yet, him being in Surry and me being in America stopped us from going to the next level. I think that is one reason my mother wanted me to go to the UK and spend some time… I haven’t given up that dream, as it would be nice to spend time with my own people of my own heritage and culture.

The Daughters of the British Empire have a nice and active chapter in KS so I am going to try and rejoin them as it will be nice to meet and spend time with other British woman.. Plus they help the British Vets, which is very important to me.

I am not going to be rejoining the Daughters of the American Revolution as I don’t fit in with them. I can’t support the United States Government so I am not going to pretend that I have a love fest when I think the American Government is corrupted and full of lying scum bags. I have good reason to not think highly of those who serve in the United States Government, which in turns makes me think badly of the United States Government. If the men who serve in them are evil men, then the Government is evil, isn’t it?

People can only get away with lying and corruption for so long, before good people know they can’t trust them or their government.

The Government today is not the same Government my ancestors on my mother’s side founded.

Jackson Browne- For A Dancer

Need a little Jackson Browne this morning. I wore out this album too along with For Everyman at St Francis as Anne and I both loved Jackson Browne and his music really spoke what was in our hearts…

Jackson Browne- I thought I was a child

Sing my song/For everyman

Need to get going.

2 May 2013

Good morning.

Highway Don’t Care

I wish I didn’t care about Joe so much. I tell myself I don’t care and can walk away and not look back, but I find it is just lying to myself. I DO CARE that because he didn’t really talk to me and give me a chance to prove I was the one telling the truth; that I was not able to bring much needed resources to my FIGHT AGAINST WHITE NATIONALISM. I DO CARE THAT WE FAILED and because of that FAILURE, White Nationalists are growing in numbers…

I WISH I COULD HAVE FOUND AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH JOE SO HE UNDERSTOOD THE TRUTH AND WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND HELP THIS LADY IN DISTRESS. YET, DID JOE REALLY WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH? OR WAS IT EASIER TO PRETEND THAT THE LIES WERE THE TRUTH? AS IT WAS EASIER FOR HIM? SOMETIMES HAVING TO FACE THE TRUTH AND SEE THE TRUTH MEANS YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE BETWEEN DOING THE RIGHT THING MORALLY, WHICH CAN BE A DIFFICULT PATH; OR PRETENDING THE LIES ARE TRUTH AND TO TAKE THE EASY PATH OF DOING NOTHING.

Hoping that with time, I can come to accept my failure and Joe’s failure..

Maybe with time I can let some other man into my heart and I can love him uncondtionally like I love Joe as my friend? I hope so as I have a lot of quality love to give and would make someone a very LUCKY MAN. AS I WOULD LOVE HIM LIKE HE HAS NEVER BEEN LOVED BEFORE.

Keep on trying to open up and give some other man the chance to WIN MY HEART.

Maybe when I get to the country I will meet a guy who likes to ride horses and country living as much as I do?

Helen asked me why I started to fight WHITE NATIONALISM? I said because of the SEED Joe’s father planted inside of me when I was a little girl. That seed bore the fruit of me knowing I had a moral imperative to fight WHITE NATIONALISTS AND THEIR NEO NAZI HATE.

Talking about childhood dreams and goals, I haven’t shared with anyone yet, but mine was to work for the government and join forces with my hero’s son, and work together as one team… I thought together we made a strong team. He is a powerful speaker while because of the PTSD I have trouble communicating my thoughts and feelings. He would be the voice.. I would be his Celtic muse and help him be the best he could be. I am not stupid.

The way I feel about the American Government now, makes it impossible for me to ever want to work or help them. Joe isn’t the only reason I feel betrayed by the United States Government. Joe is just the icing on the cake. What they did to my father under Nixon is the cake.

The only Government I want to work for now is the British Government. I am not in the UK at this time,so that is unlikely.

Helen asked me how I woke up to the truth about White Nationalism. I told her that Joe brother Max wrote a book of quotes that their dad, my hero, loved. It woke me up. The funny thing is that I started to post and read them to other White Nationalists as I was pondering them. I didn’t tell who said the quotes or where I got them as I knew that it would shut their minds to thinking about them… Everyone who received those quotes and really thought about them, left White Nationalism too.

I had forgotten what my dad and Joe’s dad had taught me as a child. I believe we all do things for a reason and I believe God wanted Max to write that book, as God knew that it would be a tool for good in this life.

Today I am thinking what would my hero want me to do? I know the saying of what would Jesus want me to do, and I am not saying my hero is like God. I am just pondering what his thoughts would be… That is normal to think about what people you admire would think of situations in life. I also am thinking what would my hero Margret Thatcher want me to do.

She was a strong woman who wasn’t afraid to fight. She had courage… She didn’t quit. I don’t like quiting and letting go either, but does there come a time, when we must face the truth, that no matter how hard we try that there will never be victory? I feel that way with Joe and his family, that no matter how hard I try to make them understand the truth and try to talk to them about White Nationalism, that all I am ever going to get is silence and hitting my head on a brick wall, because there is no door or window on that wall.

Joe’s father didn’t like to quit either. We both share the quality of passion and admire people of courage…

How do I give up on my friend? How do I accept that he will never talk to me? How do I accept that he doesn’t care to fight against White Nationalism and neo nazi hate along side of me?

White Nationalists I didn’t fail because of my lack of courage, but because I don’t have the resources to fight you. If a certain friend of my past would find it in his heart to talk to me and decide to join my fight against you, then I would be able to continue my FIGHT against you.

I have a lot to do today… Slowly I will work through my PTSD.

Jackson Brown- For a Dancer

Happy May Day

Good morning. Hope everyone has a great day. Gooing to start with a song.

The Highway Don’t Care

Really love this song. I was lucky to see Tim McGraw in concert with my sister one year and he was great. Taylor Swift I really don’t care for, but I think in this song she sounds good. She tends to be to teeny bopper to me. Glad to see she is singing an adult song and not singing about her ex boyfriends… lol..

She is coming to concert here and the kids have already bought out all the tickets, so that is good. The children have their groups and singers that they like. I was crazy about Barry Cowsil and the Cowsils. I saw them in concert in 1968. Back then Barry or his brother John were on the cover of 16 mag. Bobby Sherman was also popular at that time. Taylor like Barry Cowsil and his family are talented musicans. People make jokes about their talent, but they started out as kids and as they continued with their music developed into song writers that were able to put their message into music.

Sadly Barry Cowsil died in 2005 in New Orleans during Katrina. But both Barry and his brother Bill who is also dead were very talented musicans who were never taken as seriously as they should have been. Taylor seems to be doing a better job of being accepted as an adult then Barry Cowsil did.

Barry Cowsil and the Cowsil in Going Home. One thing I loved about Barry Cowsil was his humor. Some very funny parts. Great song and it shows his talent. Love it when they go home to Fenway Park. They were from New England, Rhode Island, so going home for them was going back to New England.

Barry Cowsil-Some Good Years

Tim McGraw- One of Those Nights.
Great song.

My session with Helen went ok. We talked about my feelings toward the United States Government. I was telling her they don’t exist for me. I turn them off as they lie and are corrupted. I am not angry nor to I hate, but I just ignore them. Can’t trust them, respect them or even have faith at them.. The love I felt under President Kennedy died under Johnson/Nixon and all the rest.

Joe is part of the reason but not the whole reason. What happen to my dad under Nixon when he went for help to the United States Government when he was in Asia and told F you by the government, when they refused to help him played a bigger role. Joe was just the icing on the cake. Sadly Joe has to be part of restoring my trust, faith and respect and even love in the United States Government again. Since I don’t believe he will ever find the courage or compassion to face me and talk to me Catholic to Catholic where we tell each other the truth, and knowing the other person will not use it against us, I don’t hold my breath that I will ever feel toward the United States Government as I did under President Kennedy.

At 14 I learned that it was better to be British then American. That it was better to hold a British Passport then American. That my loyality and love are for the British Government that SAVED my dad, because he was half British because of his parents ( my grandparents).. If it was you, don’t tell me you wouldn’t pick the British Government over the American Government.. If it was the Americans who told her dad f you and refused to save him and it was the Brits who saved his life, you too would love and be more loyal to the British Government.

I don’t dislike Obama as a man but the office he holds. I don’t like any President of the United States since President Kennedy.

We are working on goals. My virtues of truth, courage, honor, and duty are very important to me. As a child, before Johnson and Nixon and all the rest up until today, I thought one could hold those virtues and work in Government. I guess I thought men of moral character like George Washington still existed in the United States Government. I WAS WRONG.

The virtues in the American Government are LYING, CORRUPTION, DISHONOR, AND BETRAYAL. THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE. WE ARE ACCEPTABLE DAMAGE TO THEM. WHILE THE BRITS CARE ABOUT THEIR SUBJECTS AND SAVE THEM WHEN THEY ARE IN DANGER AND GIVE THEM A HELPING HAND, THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT TELLS THEIR CITIZENS F YOU. IT ISN’T MY PROBLEM AND ALLOW YOU TO BE KILLED OR SUFFER. WORKING IN GOVERNMENT IS NO LONGER AN OPTION FOR ME, AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. SINCE JOE WILL NEVER FACE THE TRUTH THAT HE WAS A TERRIBLE CONGRESSMAN WHO MADE A BIG MISTAKE AND WANTS TO TALK TO ME CATHOLIC TO CATHOLIC WITH THE GOAL OF MAKING PEACE BETWEEN US, MY FAITH, TRUST, RESPECT AND LOVE WILL NOT BE RESTORED.

Need more music..

George Strait- Heartland

cross my heart

Someday some wonderful man who I can love uncondtionally will love me uncondtionally too. Then we both will be blessed with what is really important in this life. Uncondtional love is more valuable then riches, power, or fame….

I am moving back to the Heartland and to the country. It was good to see my good friend who I have known for years. We both have really missed each other. She has a couple of horses and her grandson wants to start 4H so I told her I will help him learn about horses. I will be able to start riding again. Those who know me in person know I love horses and being in the saddle riding.

I will be at peace and will just sit back and watch things unfold.. Whatever happens happens.

I am not going to continue to hit my head against the brick wall that I keep finding, because Joe and those who have his power, don’t care about learning about White Nationalism… Yes, I was right to start fighting them and to seek help from someone who acted and pretended to be my friend. HOW CAN I CONTINUE TO FIGHT WHEN NO ONE GIVES A DAMN AND I HAVE NO RESOURCES TO FIGHT WITH? I am not insane. I am strong willed and DON’T LIKE TO GIVE UP, but even I HAVE TO FACE THE TRUTH AT SOME POINT THAT I FALED!!!!!!!!!!!! I FAILED BECAUSE I COULDN’T NOT COMMUICATE IN SUCH A WAY AS TO MAKE JOE AND HIS FAMILY UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH.. PTSD IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T SAY THE THINGS YOU NEED AND WANT TO SAY. I take and accept my fault in the failure of not being effective in the FIGHT AGAINST WHITE NATIONALISM….

I AM NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO FIGHT ALONE, WITHOUT HELP AND RESOURCES…

So you White Nationalists win and are free to continue work toward your goals. Know that my failure to gain much needed support in the fight is because I couldn’t communicate in an effective way to make Joe understand. It wasn’t from my lack of trying or because I was afraid to fight you. I still have the courage to fight, but don’t have the resources.

Have to think about getting ready for my enpowerment group.

Happy St George’s Day

Good morning.  Today is St George’s Day and people of English heritage are flyiny the flag of St George.  Fly the flag proud.

Today I have my session with Helen and then tomorrow I leave for Salina.  Looking forward to being back in KS.  I have always loved it there.  The farmers are happy as they got some snow and they need the moisture for the crops.

I am looking foward to getting out of this heat for a few days.  It has been in the 90′s and 80′s are hot to me.  I am looking forward to be in the 50′s to 70′s.

The first place I want to go when I get to Salina is the cozy inn.  They have the best hamburgers I have ever tasted in my life.  On Saturday on what would have been my mother’s 91 birthday I may try and go to the Brookville hotel as they have the best fried chicken and cream corn.  She loved their cole slaw.  I never liked cole slaw, but for those who do, their cold slaw is wonderful.

I love food and so I really enjoy good food. 

I am not binge eating anymore.  Yet I can still enjoy good food and eat as a normal person does and not use food as a wall to keep me safe from bad men.  I am learning to build a door in my wall.  The little girl inside of me is hopefully beginning to feel safe enough to let the weight go as a way of protecting myself against unwanted advances by bad men.

Even if my soldier friend and I become nothing more then pen pals, I will always be grateful that he is making me feel it is ok to open up to a man again and be safe.  That not all men are bad.

I am a strong woman or I wouldn’t have survived what I have survived in this world, but with the PTSD, the little girl inside of me is still afraid so she used weight as a way to protect herself against the unwanted advances of bad men.  The problem with walls is they not only keep the bad men away, but the good men away too.

Having a friend to write to who says nice things to build me up is helping me feel better about myself.  I hope that by writing him when he is in the danger zone of Afganistan is helping him deal with what he is having to go through.  It is hard on our soldiers being so far away from home and their loved ones.  So we both are being supportive of each other as true friends are for each other.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Chrisy

21 April 2013

Good morning. Want to start out with a song by Jackson Browne

For a dancer

I love the music of Jackson Browne as he was part of my youth. He put into music the thoughts of my heart. Music has always been very important to me because I sing and like to play instruments. He lyrics were always so poetic. He is a very talented song writer. Wish he would come out with more songs and be a voice for this time as there is so much going on in the world. Maybe someday I will get to see him in concert or even sing with him.

In Salina Steve Greene came to concert and he went to all the churches for back up singers and it was so much fun being on stage and singing in the choir in three of his songs.. It was an honor to feel good enough to actually sing with a professional musican of gospel music. That was a top moment in my life. We all have top moments in our lives and that was one of my top five moments.

For everyman

I played this song so much, I must have drove the other girls in the dorm at St Franics crazy. That is ok, as Marjorie played Jefferson Starship over and over, lol.

Last night I had a strange dream. I dreamed of J and his father. He was a little boy.. It is strange because I have been making progress of letting him go, but he is still in my dreams. I am very sensitive and have very vivid dreams and sometimes know things are happening or going to happen before they actually happen. Some people would call that a gift.

I might still be dreaming of J and his dad because he is still in my heart and I haven’t totally given up the belief in my friend that once he understands the truth, that he will step up to the plate and do the right thing and face me and talk to me Catholic to Catholic and we end things between us on a good note, as we should if we believe and want to practice our Catholic faith as we should. Seeking peace between us is the right thing for us to do as Catholics.

White Nationalists and Right Wing be warned. J is my friend and I can speak things about him that are not very nice, but heaven help you if you do. If I feel you ever are attacking him unfairly and twisting his words out of context like what happen when he made a statement about the death of a Political Leader in another Nation; I will fight to protect and defend him to the death. You know the saying you can say something about your family member that isn’t very nice but true, but no one else can.

He is my friend and we have unfinished business between us and things that need to be said. You are not in that same situation and I will go after anyone who tries and hurts my friend. I still protect and defend him as a true and loyal friend.

At the same time, I am not going to continue to be stuck in PTSD HELL.. I am moving forward and have started to open my heart to another person. I take it one day at a time. He seems to value me and my heart of GOLD and likes that I am old fashion.. He understands that I am waiting for the right man. Yet, I enjoy texting him. We haven’t even talked on the phone yet.

I am not sure if the dream is telling me not to give up on J or his dad my hero? That J does have what it takes to fight White Nationalism and all RACISM along side of me? That he does have courage?

Funny isn’t it that as I am opening up and moving forward that I am dreaming of J and his dad. I am sure my feelings will be revealed in time. I don’t give up and I will continue forward on my journey to heal from the PTSD and remove the emotional blocks that have kept me stuck for all these years and kept me from living my life.

Need to think about getting ready for mass. This choir is so different then St. Stevens. I am glad I decided to take the step and join the choir and be part of the music minstry again. My faith is coming back. It has been a very big struggle for many years.

I think the tapes that Jeff put in my head are finally being erased too.

Chrisy

20 April 2013

Next Saturday I will be in Kansas and it is my mother’s birthday.  She would have been 91 if she hadn’t died earlier this year.  It is going to feel weird not celebrating her birthday with her.  I will do something in her memory.

I am really looking forward to going back to Salina for the weekend, as it has been a long time since I have been home. 

I am moving forward in life and overcoming the emtional blocks that kept me stuck in the past.  I don’t want to fight with anyone anymore.  I just want peace and hopefully know uncondtional love with someone who loves me back the same way.  That best friend who you can tell anything to and know that they will never judge you as you never judge them for anything they say or do.  That person who values you for who you are and doesn’t make you feel terrible or worthless.

I am finally being able to let go of J and White Nationalists.  I finally realized I am not a failure, because I tried to do the right thing and talk to my friend.  There was nothing more that I could do, so it is not my fault that I failed in bringing much needed help and resources to the Battle against White Nationalist Neo Nazi Hate.

Denial is not a good place to be.  Now I am moving into acceptance.  I haven’t skiped the other steps, but have worked through them, even though I never left denial.  You can work more then one step at a time and not necessary in order.

I am not angry, nor do I hate J.. It is not all his fault.  It is part of my fault too for having PTSD and not being able to communicate in a way that made J understand the truth…I left a sign hoping he would come and talk to me, but he never did.

J is not a bad person, I really believe that inside.  J is J and is his own person.  I accept him the way he is and thought we would be good friends who built each other up instead of tearing each other down. To be that safe place for each other as friends where we didn’t have to face verbal abuse.  How can you be angry with someone or hate someone because they don’t understand?

The White Nationalists on the other hand do understand and know exactly what they did and are doing.

As I was saying yesterday with every battle in life, you have to ask yourself is this Battle for the greater good of mankind.. Yes, fighting White Nationalism is one of those fights that at some point people must fight.  So I was not WRONG to start FIGHTING WHITE NATIONALISTS.  I WAS NOT WRONG TO SEEK HELP FROM THE ONLY PERSON IN REAL LIFE THAT I KNEW IN PERSON WHO HAD MUCH NEEDED RESOURCES TO BRING TO THIS JUST BATTLE.

Then the next question is do I have the support and resources needed to fight this Battle and WIN?  The answer to that question is NO.

So I am fighting alone and in vain, because there can be no victory on my part because I don’t have the resources and support needed to WIN.

So in the end, I must give up the fight at some point and admit and face the truth that NO HELP IS COMING.

With my getting healing for the PTSD, I am overcoming one emotional block at a time.  Funny how J and White Nationalism had become one block that I became stuck in and that letting go of J is freeing me of the White Nationalist block too.  This insight I just thought of this morning.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqT59dDf8EU&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Guess Who, No Time Left For You

In the City

Next Time I Fall In Love

I am single and am open to falling in love with someone who can really love me as I deserve to be loved. Have taken steps in that direction and I believe that Love will enter my life at some point. Just take things one day at a time and allow someone new to enter my heart and life.

I deserve to have a wonderful man in my life who will love me as much as I love him. Time to embrace the NEW and LET GO OF THE OLD AND TOXIC.

Need to continue my sorting things out.

Chrisy