20 Feb 2013

Good morning.  I have a busy day and I didn’t get much sleep last night.  Had a major breakthrough in my healing last night.

I was finally after all these years let go of the pipe dream of my old friend J ever realizing the truth about me and talking to me and doing the right thing by me and joining forces with me in my fight and crusade against White Nationalism.  It is never easy for me to quit, as I keep on keeping on like a good soldier.

Last night I was finally able to put into words and release the feelings that I feel regarding J and his terrible treatment of me.  His lack of compassion and his lack of listening skills.  His lack of concern for people in the world who were suffering and in pain who needed his help, but instead of getting his help they got his lack of help.

Yes, I had a crush on J and I will always love him uncondtionally, but he missed his chance for being with me and being the one to work with me in the fight against White Nationalism.  I am writting a letter to someone else… J doesn’t ever have to worry about me talking about him to anyone.  I will never do anything to bring dishonor on him or his name.  But I am moving forward and giving up on this lost cause that J has become in my life.

I grieve that my dream of us working together is dead.  I no longer can wait on J to get his act together so I am seeking help from another source.

I believe that someday the truth will come out, and J will realize what he lost.  I hope then he will finally come and talk to me so we can end things on a good note as Catholic to Catholic and human being to human being.  That day in the barn when I asked J for his help, I couldn’t reply to his answer back then because I was emtionally shattered and couldn’t speak.  I am being healed and can speak now.  I hope someday he will let me finally tell him the answer I wanted to tell him, but couldn’t, now that I am finding my voice.

I am beginning to realize that if he doesn’t do me that honor that it is on him and not me.

Please pray that the new person I am reaching out to will respond in a more compassionate and kind way to me request for his help.

My sister if flying in this morning, so I have a busy day.  Will try and write more later.

Am going to start the day with The Beatles, Here comes the Sun.

Things will get better now that I have finally let go of my pipe dream.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6tV11acSRk

18 Feb 2013

Need to start getting ready for my coping skills group, so I will write more when I get back.

Last night I had a restless night.  Sometimes I kick and talk in my sleep and fight as it releases some of the emotions I have of terrible things I have gone through.  Jeff was in the dreams last night, so I guess I was releasing some of the emotional scares Jeff left on me.

Jeff used to say women were the slaves and property of men.  I know I am old fashion and maybe because I am old fashion and believe in traditional role models it was easy for Jeff to get me to accept that to a certain point?

Not all White Nationalist men are CI (Christian Idenitity) but all CI are White Nationalist.  You have to remember that White Nationalism is one big umbrella term that includes many groups and people who believe in the 14 words, about securing a future for White children in the world.

Sometimes the old tapes that Jeff put into my mind play and I have to remind myself that I am not there living under Jeff’s control over me anymore.  That I don’t answer to him anymore and he can’t punish me with his wooden paddle when he feels like it or he doesn’t think I am showing him the right amount of respect.

No woman deserves to be hit by a man.  A real man doesn’t hit a woman, no matter how angry he is at her.  A real woman doesn’t hit a man either, no matter how angry we get at him.

I wonder if someday I will be totally free of the tapes Jeff planted in my mind that are untrue and are a lie. 

I would like to think we women are human beings and free.  Not slaves and not property to be owned and treated as our master sees fit.

Thanks go to my sister and brother in law for getting me out of there. I was lucky I had family that helped me escape.  I would be dead by now if I hadn’t found a way to escape Jeff.

Will write later after group.  Even though it is President’s Day, I still believe we are having group so am going.

Love

Chrisy

7 Feb 2013

Good morning.  Have Survivors group this afternoon.  It is very important for me not to miss one group, as I truly want healing and to get better so I can embrace my future…  I made a commitment to go to each and every group and I am living up to that commitment come hell or high water, lol.

I have always believed in leading by example.  That is why it is important that I go to every group meeting and work the program from the heart, so that I get the most out of it.  It is important for me to show other women that there is help for us out there and a much better life, if only we will take the first step of the long journey…

There is life after White Nationalism and there is life after being sexually abused as children. 

I remember when we lived in Playa Del Ray there was a long tunnel that you went through on the way to the airport.  I would hold my breath going through it.  After the abuse our life was like going into that dark tunnel.  We can choose to stay in that dark place or we can choose to begin moving through the tunnel until we reach the light.  I hope this journal will encourage and inspire other women to decide to take that first stop and begin the therapy needed to move forward in the tunnel, until one day you look up and you are out of that long tunnel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=ydZDQM-lDQM

Getting the day started with a little AC/DC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=b9iOk8PqkKs

been using homefinder to look to see where my next place to live will be.  I like the country so in Hawaii I am thinking along rt 83 heading toward the North shore.  I think that would be where I would want to live.  I don’t like cities so Honolulu is out.. I like to be where there there is less people and more nature.

Some people like the country better then the city and some like the city better.  I remember as a kid being read the story about the country mouse and the city mouse. They visit each other and each enjoyed the visiting of the other, but they liked where they lived better.  I like to visit the city for the culture of ballet and concerts, but after a couple of days get me back to the country.  I am sure people who like the city feel the same way about visiting the country.  After a couple of days they want to get back to the city..

I don’t know if my tolerance and trying to be respectful of others is a gift or a curse.  I try and respect others thoughts and feelings and I hope others will respect mine.  I like the country with trees and flowers and animals.  I love the peace and quiet and at night seeing all the stars one can’t see in the city because the lights block them out.  Yes, I love star gazing into the night sky and seeing the different phases of the moon.

Here is another “I” statment for my letter to J.  Not going to send them but will keep them for when he decides to finally talk to me and let me talk to him about White Nationalism and child sexual abuse so he can be our voice.  He is a very powerful speaker and he would be a good voice for us to the world in bringing the truth out and shining the light on those issues.  I haven’t given up on him, realizing the truth about me and deciding that even though I asked him to help me many years ago, that he is going to help me and be a hero and protector to us women and children who need his help and protection.  I like a man who knows how to be a man.  I asked him once and he doesn’t need to wait around for me to ask him again, as the ball is in his court and it is his serve.  I expect him to just come in and take control and be the strong man who knows what he wants and doesn’t take no for an answer, because he has made up his mind to help us.. I know and believe him to be a great man, if only he would believe in himself and allow that man to come out.  I know I am not explaining this right. 

Dear J,

I felt on top of the world and marvelous, when we spent time together and just looked into the eyes and smiled, without saying a word, because we just enjoyed being together.  I would appreciate it if we can move past the misunderstandings and gossip and lies.  We were both lied to about the other, because people for their own selfish reasons didn’t want us to be friends, as they were afraid I would tell you the truth and they didn’t want me to tell you the truth about their behavior and deeds.  It didn’t work with me as I kept asking for proof of what they accused you of and my uncondtional love for you as my friend was very strong and I have always been loyal to you…  I hope someday, J, that you will see the truth about me and we overcome and show to the world that they failed in keeping us apart so that I would not succeed in talking to you about child sexual abuse and white nationalism.  That the truth is stronger then their lies and that you do care about abused children and women who need someone to speak for us and to be our hero and protector.  I still need that lifeline thrown toward me so I can be helped and then I help others with the other hand, hoping that the other person will in turn help someone else and we form a chain of light and goodness in the darkness and evil of both child sexual abuse and white nationalism.  Please don’t wait for me to ask for your help again, just be the man I know you are and step in and help.  Please don’t let them continue to think they have WON, because they lied to you about me and so now you refuse to talk to me.  The truth is on my side…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOMyS78o5YI

One of the best groups of my generation.

Need to do some things and go to the store before going to group this afternoon.

Will write later and tell you about group.

 

 

 

6 Feb 2013

Good morning.  I actually slept ok last night with the pain pill taken before going to sleep, so that was good.  Going to take it easy today and hopefully they can get me in Friday instead of Monday to do the actual work.

Still working on my “I” statement letter to J.  It feels weird to write or speak in this way, but I can see where it is better then what I did before in hitting J over the head with a baseball bat with my words.  Hopefully this will cool things down between us and both J and I will want to end things on a good note and have real and lasting peace between us.  I have always believed that someday the truth will come out and he will finally understand the true me and my heart of gold.  That we would talk things out Catholic to Catholic and both realize that we made mistakes and that we would forgive each other and that working through all this crap and coming out of the darkness into the light would make our friendship stronger and unbreakable.  Someday he will realize that any other girl in my position would have destroyed him, but I love him uncondtionally and only see the best in him and refuse to see any bad in him.  I love my friend and always will.

Dear J,

I feel the grief and sorrow in my heart very strongly, when I think that I will never be your Celtic muse to encourage and inspire you, and you will never be my Celtic warrior to fight for and with me against childhood sexual abuse and white nationalism.  Because together we would have been a powerful force for good in the world against evil.  I would appreciate it if we could talk and work things out between us J, so we can embrace the destiny we both were born for my friend.  I will always love you uncondtionally as my friend.

Love Always

Chrisy

Remember there are many kinds of LOVE and I love J uncondtionally as my friend.  I would never want to be part of anything that would bring dishonor to him.  So yes, I love him and always will as his friend.  J is my soulmate….

Everyone needs a soulmate in their life to be their best friend who believes the best in them and who is there for them no matter what happens in this life.  I am not ashamed of my unconditonal love for J.

I have been abused over it too, as my mother hated him with a passion and even though we never talked about it, I know she knew that I loved him and it made her angry with me when I defended him and stood up for him, because I felt J was right and my mother was wrong.  Some in my position would have not been honest, but I am honest and I say how I really feel when asked. 

I loved my mom as she was my mom, but she was wrong about J.  I believe in the end, the truth will prove that I am right to follow my heart and to still believe in him as the great man I know he can be, if only he will let that man out.. I believe in him and I believe in me.  Now if only J would believe in him and me working together as one team united in the fight against child sexual abuse and white nationalism, or any evil we decide to fight against as two Celtic WARRIORS who were born with ALOT OF HEART AND PASSION.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKKGRgKN2I8

Will J throw out the lifeline and help me and by helping me help others?  I have always believed I have 2 hands. One to grab hold of J’s hand and the other to grab hold of other children/women who are the victims of abuse and have to live in HELL.  Hopefully they will have 2 hands too. One to hold on to me and the other to another soul trapped in abuse hell.  So we become a chain for goodness and light, that overcomes the evil and darkness of child sexual abuse and white nationalism.

Will write later.

Chrisy

5 Feb 2013

I would like to wish my good friend Nanette a very Happy Birthday!  We are exactly one month apart as we were both born the same year.  May your Birthday wish come true.

This song is for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ

She loves the Beatles too and had every single Beatle record.

Nanette is one of my oldest and dearest friends.  We are not old in age, as we are still young at heart, but we were confirmed into the Catholic Church together and she is part of my YOUTH.

Been a rough night as I have a tooth ache so I need to find a dentist as soon as it is late enough to call. They aren’t open yet.

Yesterday in group we worked on “I” statements.  I tend to sometimes hit people over the head with a baseball bat with my words.  One can hit someone over the head with a baseball bat with words, such as ” YOU ARE A COWARD BECAUSE YOU WON’T FACE A GIRL AND TALK TO ME.” 

So my homework this week for group is to write a letter to the person who I thought and wrote that about.  I am not going to send it to him, but will keep it and refer to it, for the day he does come and talk to me with the goal of ending things with me on a good note and making a real and lasting peace between us.  I hope we can restore and have a true and lasting friendship between us.

To my old friend in MA J, I am sorry that I have hurt you with my words and that I didn’t know how to communicate what I was feeling in a way that would lead you to listen to me.. Instead of bringing you closer to where you want to talk to me, I made you more defensive and made you shut up even more.  Please forgive me.

Another I statement I wrote in my letter last night to J.

Dear J

I felt like a failure and helpless when that day in the barn you said ” IT ISN’T MY PROBLEM” without you asking me one question like what is wrong, when I asked you to help me because I was being abused over you.  I needed a safe place to hide until my mother cooled down or she was put on a plane back to CA.  I had thought you were my friend as you always smiled at me and acted like you liked me.  I would appreciate it if I could finally talk to you about 2 very important issues.  One being child sexual abuse and white nationalism.. and hope that you will want to join the fight against these evils and bring much need help to the fight.  I also would like you to speak at our night against violence march in Phoenix in March.  You are a great and powerful speaker and those of us in my child sexual survivors group  would have no better or greater hero or protector then you.  Please be our voice..  Thank you J.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koJlIGDImiU

J, I hope you decide to come out of retirement and join the fight against child sexual abuse and White Nationalism.  I could help you.

 

 

22 Jan 2012

The quote I posted is to White Nationalists women with the hope they will realize that they are believing and living a lie, that in the end only leads to their destuction.

Good morning!

Tried to call my friend Cheryl who posted that she was at the ER at Banner Hospital.  Hope she is ok.  She will call if she needs anything as I left a message.  Don’t know if it is for her or her boyfriend.  Will try again later… 

Talked to a good friend not to long ago who also left White Nationalism.  She doesn’t miss it and is slowly healing.  Once the light goes on in your head that WHITE NATIONALISM IS ONE BIG LIE, and you start the process of LEAVING, you find that once you have been out of it for awhile, that you think to yourself, ” HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID AS TO BELIEVE THE LIES OF WHITE NATIONALISM AS TRUTH”.  That is what I think sometimes.  I FEEL LIKE A STUPID IDIOT.

One of the reasons I started this journal of my journey out of WHITE NATIONALISM and the HELL I live in, is to hopefully be a light in the darkness to other women/children and show them that there is a much better life out there for us.  We just have to be willing to leave White Nationalist HELL.  The first step is the hardest step to take, but if you are willing to take that step, you are on the beginning path to a much better place.

Also if you were abused you need healing to deal with the ptsd that many abused children/women have.  So I am open about my PTSD and the therapy I am going through.  We must not be afraid to seek the help we need so that we can be emotionally whole again.

I want other woman to learn from my mistakes so that they won’t be suckered into White Nationalism.  It is like a poisoned home but people inside the home don’t know that the home they live in is slowly killing them.  They think their home is safe and so they love and live in there and raise their family, but all the time that home is killing them day by day.  One day you wake up and you have hate in your heart for Jews and think Hitler was right in seeking to kill them off the face of the earth with the final solution.

I know White Nationalists try to deny the admiration that many have for Hitler and the Third Reich, but it is very much present.  The White Nationalists I knew honored and celebrated 20 April as a great day.  Have a tender spot in their heart for Nazi Germany and would love to see a rebirth of a new nation that reflects those same values.  They feel the same way about Jews don’t even consider Jews as human beings.  They blame Jews for everything bad in the world and claim that the Jews are in control of the whole world and our out to destroy the WHITE RACE.

Listen to David Duke Vidoes or read his books and articles and you will see the hate spew forth.  He says he doens’t HATE ANYONE, BUT DOES WHAT HE DOES FOR LOVE.  That is a lie.  He might love the White race and see the beauty in the White RACE… Yet, the HATE  he has for Jews is there very deep in his heart. 

They talk about White Genocide but can’t give you one example of a real case going on right now, so that we the people of the world can in real time put a stop to it.  There is real religious genocide going on in the world by Muslims toward Christians,Jews, Hindus, and anyone else who isn’t ISLAM.  That isn’t WHITE GENOCIDE BECAUSE THE PEOPLE BEING MURDERED AND TORTUED FOR THEIR FAITH, ARE OF ALL RACES.  We know the world is silent when it comes to RELIGIOUS GENODIDE..  WHITE NATIONALISTS ARE NOT GOING TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST THE MUSLIMS WHO MURDER AND TORTUE PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE JEWISH, WHICH FITS INTO RELIGOUS GENEOCIDE.

White Nationalists take the side of the Muslims against the Jews, so they are all for Religious genocide if the victim is Jewish.

Where is the Jewish murder and tortue of people just because they are White?  Name me one case of the state of Israel murdering people just because they are of the WHITE RACE?

We can name Islamic states like Iran, that murder and put people in prision just because they are Christian.  We have case after case of Christians being murdered just for being Christian in the middle east by Muslims.  Yet the world is silent.

White Nationalists, Religous Genocide is real and there is case after case that can be named.  Yet, your claim of  White Geneocide by Jews and the State of Israel, can’t be proven, as you can’t seem to name one real case of Jews murdering people just because they are WHITE.

I know the response by White Nationalists will be repeating their mantra over and over and over again, thinking that just repeating THE LIE, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN MAKES THE LIE BECOME TRUTH.

Or I will get accused of being an evil Liberal/Progressive when I am a CONSERVATIVE.  I will get accused of BEING ANTI WHITE, WHEN I AM A VERY PROUD WHITE PERSON AND HONOR MY CELTIC/ BRITISH HERITAGE AND BLOODLINE.  I believe that all people should be PROUD OF THEIR RACE AND WORK FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THEIR RACE.  YET TO WHITE NATIONALISTS, BECAUSE I FIGHT AGAINST THEIR LIES, I AM ANTI WHITE AND A TRAITOR TO THE WHITE RACE.

I agree with MLK jr that all people should be judged by their character and not the color of their skin.  That is why I oppose Black Nationalism that hates WHITES.. BLACK NATIONALISM IS JUST AS EVIL AND WRONG AS WHITE NATIONALISM..

I ALSO OPPOSE MEXICAN NATIONALISM WHO ALSO HATES WHITES AND BLACKS.  ALL NATIONALISM IS WRONG THAT BELIEVES THAT HATING SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY ARE OF A DIFFERENT RACE THEN YOU…

SO I ALWAYS GET BACK TO THE QUESTION, OF IF I FIGHT AGAINST ALL NATIONALISM, ( WHITE, BLACK, MEXICAN, ASIAN, ETC) THEN HOW AM I ANTI WHITE?

HOW CAN I BE ANTI WHITE WHEN I FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT OF CELTS AND BRITISH PEOPLE TO SUCCEED AND BE THE BEST THEY CAN BE IN THE WORLD, AS I EXPECT PEOPLE OF OTHER ETHNIC GROUPS AND RACES TO DO THE SAME THING FOR THEIR RACE AND ETHNIC GROUP. 

ITALIANS WANT TO HONOR THEIR CULTURE AND PASS IT DOWN TO THE NEXT GENERATION.  I LOVE THE ITALAIANS AND ADMIRE THERE KEEPING THEIR CULTURE ALIVE IN THIS COUNTRY.  GROWING UP WE HAD BOTH ITALIANS AND IRISH IN OUR CATHOLIC CHURCH AND COMMUNITY.  WE RESPECTED EACH OTHER AND ADMIRED THE WAY WE BOTH HONORED OUR HERIATAGE AND TRADITIONS.

Hispanics should be proud of their ethnic groups and races and work toward making sure they can be the best they can be.  Blacks should be proud of their ethnic groups and race and strive to be the best they can be. 

 
I believe that all good people of all races and ethnic groups can and should stand together against all racist people in all races and ethnic groups who hate someone just because they are a different race or ethnic group then they are.

That we must stand up and say it is ok for every human being, including the White Ethnic groups, to be proud of their ethnic group and race and it is ok for all people to strive to be the best they can be. What is wrong with all people wanting their own ethnic group to do better then the previous generations? why do progressives think it is only racist for whites to want their fellow Irish or Italians etc to do better then their parents and grandchildren, when Hispanic or Black ethnic groups are encouraged to take pride and work toward doing better then their parents and grandchildren?

Let us be honest and stand up against all RACISM and not just condemn Whites for RACISM, when RACISM IS FOUND IN ALL RACES.

Start the day with a little Stones. Good song.

Hope everything is ok with Cheryl and her boyfriend.

Is anyone else tired of the double speak from government. they talk the talk and say let us work toward unity, but their actions lead to more divison between us. I think they are all liars. Both Dems and Republicans are LIARS AND I DON’T TRUST THEM.

Hope everyone is having a great evening.

Glad I got the journal entry out of the way and the other paper they wanted us to fill out…  Still have a letter to write my mother, but will do that at a later date.  The letter today was enough for now.

Yes, I have some feelings to sort out about my mother, but not ready to do the letter to her yet.

Been thinking about VNN and their comments about White women being whores and a disgrace to the White RACE if they have at least one tattoo.  I have the one on my shoulder in honor of my MacDonald line, so to the White Nationalists that makes me a WHORE,  even though I haven’t been with a man in a sexual way in 13 years…  Most people don’t even know I have one tattoo.

I have been thinking for a years about getting the Union Jack flag over my heart..  That will be the next and last one, as I will have honored both my CELTIC and ENGLISH BLOOD.  I just haven’t decided if I want only the Union Jack or if I want to put the Betsy Ross flag next to it to honor my American side.  Right now, NO, but a part of me KEEPS HOPING THAT MY FAITH AND TRUST WILL BE RESTORED IN AMERICANS AND THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT.  Since I would want to do it at the same time, if I decide to have both my nations represented; I keep on putting it off.  My birthday is 5 Mar, so this might be a birthday present to myself. 

Why is it that only women who have one or more tattoos are condemned as whores but men are looked upon as not a disgrace to the White race if they have a couple of tattoos that are important to them?

Yes, men and women sometimes choose to do stupid things with tattoo’s like putting the name of a person they just met, who they aren’t going to be a couple with in a year from now.  So for the rest of their lives they have the name of someone they once loved, but now hate… Is that smart?

But honoring one’s culture and ancestors is not having a man’s name tattooed on myself.  So does it really make me a whore that is a disgrace to the White race becacuse I have a rose and a sword tattooed on my shoulder to represent the Jacobite Cause my MacDonald ancestors fought for?  Does it really mean I can no longer be thought of as a ” Lady” because I now have one tattoo that no one even sees and would even know I had, unless I told them?

White Nationalist women who have at least one tattoo, how does that make you feel that WN men on VNN think you are a WHORE because you have a tattoo? 

Do you really want to be involved in a Cause that you are considered a WHORE and a DISGRACE TO THE WHITE RACE BECAUSE YOU HAVE A TATOO OR TWO?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egJR3K6UIJY

Feel like some Phil Collins

I really like him. 

I guess to the White Nationalist man I am stupid, a witch, and now a whore.  Sad the LIES have more POWER then THE TRUTH.  THE TRUTH IS THAT I AM SMART, NORMAL, AND A NICE GIRL.

The White Nationalist CAUSE is no place for WOMEN.  Please wake up before it is to late.  See the truth that you are being brainwashed to believe A LIE as TRUTH.

HATE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. HARSH JUDGMENT OF OTHERS IS NOT THE ANSWER EITHER.

LOVE IS THE ANSWER.  BEING COMPASSIONATE AND OPEN MINDED IS THE ANSWER.

Hope that someday you will choose to leave White Nationalism.

Chrisy

 

17 Jan 2013

Good morning.

Have a busy day, as my mother is in the hospital and should be coming home today and then I have my Survior’s group this afternoon.  She is alright, it is just that she wanted to go to the hospital so she went.  She seems to go about once a year..  At least they can sort out her meds and see if they need to change her meds or up the dose.  My mother is a fighter she is a control freak and she is not someone to give up.  She is 90 and could live to be 95.. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIrJK19dADI&playnext=1&list=PL8F6055C32E72446D

Start the day with some Van Morrison

Reading the White Nationalist site VNN, they have a thread on there where they call any White woman who has a tattoo a whore.  It is sad that they have such a view that any White woman who has a small tattoo is a whore. 

Does it really hurt White Nationalist men for a woman to have a few tattoos that mean something to her?

Is it the end of the world for a White woman to have a tattoo?

I admit it is not to smart to have a man’s name tattooed on them as you never know when you are no longer a couple, but men make the same mistake an have a woman’s name tattooed on them. So why is it less of a sin for a White man to have a tattoo, but a woman she is thought of as a whore and a disgrace to the RACE?

One thing that makes it hard for you White Nationalists to keep women within your ranks is your double standard in regards to men and women. Go and read VNN someday and you will see the many posts blamining women for the sad state of the world today.

For the record, I have one tattoo on my shoulder it is the rose of the Jacobite Cause and the sword over the rose to show we fought. It is my Scottish heritage and a tribute to my MacDonald bloodline.

I want to get the Union Jack flag over my heart to represent my love and loyality to my British side. Like many Scots today, I have mixed blood of Scottish and English. My tattoos will reflect that mixed Scottish and English heritage. That will be the last tattoo I get. So does this make me a whore?

White Nationalist men must think a whore is a woman who hasn’t had sex with a man in 13 years because I am waiting for the right man. A whore used to mean a woman who had sex with many men and even at the same time. One who a man payed to have sex with and who would have sex with his friends at the same time. A real dirty girl….So under the White Nationalist meaning of the word whore, a white girl having a tattoo I would be considered a whore, even though I haven’t had sex with anyone in 13 years, because I am waiting for the right man.

I have friends that I write and talk to, but I am not having sex until I know in my heart without a doubt, that I love them unconditionally and respect and trust them unconditonally too. To me there is nothing more beautiful then having sex with someone who who love and loves you. The two become one…

Yet, I know that men need sex and so they will go and find a whore to have sex with them. It is not the same meaning, as there is no real love between them, just sexual.. There is a difference. These women don’t even know the men they have sex with because how can you know someone in just one or two dates?

To White Nationalists I am a whore because I have a tattoo.. They also consider me a witch because of my rebellion. You know what Jeff used to say ” rebellion is the sin of witchcraft and you are a witch. The Bible says to burn witches.”

White Nationalist women who have a tattoo, do you like being considered a dirty whore just because you have a tattoo? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t had sex in a long time because you are a nice girl; but if you have a tattoo you are a whore in their eyes.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wu6bjBkU31k&list=PL8F6055C32E72446D

I like this song

I never have liked any double standards in this life.  I think that it is a double standard for Progressives on MSNBC to think that people who use the name Obama to address Obama as a terrible sin, when they called Bush, Bush and other terrible names.  Why is it ok for Progressives to call Bush, Bush and other terrible names, but a great sin, for people to call Obama, Obama?

I call Obama, Obama.  I called Bush, Bush, I called Clinton, Clinton.  The only President that gets President in front of his last name is Kennedy.  He is the only President I liked and during his term as a little girl I loved and respected and trusted the Government.  Under Johnson and Nixon that changed.  They weren’t my Presidents and like all the rest Obama isn’t my President either.

Because people in the United States Government told my dad and I F you when we went to help by saying ” it wasn’t my problem”, and the British Government saved his life, the feelings of love, respect, and trust I felt under President Kennedy went to the British Government who is the Government I love and am loyal to, since they saved my dad’s life because his parents were British which made he and I British too.

What makes Progressives on MSNBC hyprocrits is that the next Republican that becomes President they will call him by the last name and other names worst.  Yet, heaven help people like me who refer to Obama by his last name, Bush by his last name, Clinton by his last name and on and on the list goes back until President Kennedy.  Johnson is the first one I stopped putting President in front of his last name because I don’t think he deserved it.  I don’t think any of the Presidents deserved it but one.

I admit that part of the anger I feel toward American Political Leaders is because of how my dad and I were treated.

I am not a hyprocrit and only call the Dems by the last name, but I also call Republicans by their last name too.  I think they all LIE and HAVE NO REAL LOVE FOR THE CONSTITUTION OR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.  WE ARE PAWNS IN THEIR EVIL LITTLE GAMES AND WE ARE ACCEPTABLE DAMAGE IN THE PURSUIT OF THEIR GOALS.  WE THE PEOPLE ARE DISPOSABLE.  HOW CAN I LOVE, RESPECT, OR TRUST A GOVERNMENT WHO LOOKS AT ME AND MY DAD, AS DISPOSABLE TRASH?

If a Progressive would like to talk about this subject of refering to Presidents by their last name only, I will be glad to discuss this with you and other topics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHzxLNZheVg&list=PL8F6055C32E72446D

There are so many great Van Morrison songs.

Will write later after group.

I believe that I can have an honest discussion with Progressives and anyone on any topic…  but we both have to be willing to listen with an open mind to what the other person is saying.  We can’t just pre judge the person or be so unwilling to admit that the other person has truth on their side too.  We can both have truth on our sides.  We can both have pre- conceived ideas on our side that we need to be willing to admit that might be wrong.

White Nationalists have their mantra and can’t really discuss issues without repeating their mantra over and over again.  Progressives too I find have their own mantra that they too repeat over and over and over again, and not willing to admit that they have pre- conceived ideas about people, things and issues that are wrong.  Are Progressives more open minded then White Nationalists?

Still waiting to see if Progressives are willing to have a real and honest conversation with me in person, where we both ask questions and both look into each other’s eyes and tell the truth to the questions both sides have.  To go into discussion with the mindset of sorting out the misunderstandings and misjudgment, and seeking solutions and real peace between us.

Let both sides be men and women of courage, honor, and honesty.  Let us lead by example and show that two sides who are opposite can come together and find solutions and join forces and work together in fighting WHITE NATIONALIST NAZI HATE.

The truth is on my side.  The truth is on your side.  Let us both find the courage to do the RIGHT THING AND HELP EACH OTHER DO THAT RIGHT THING.

Have a great day

Love

Chrisy

 

4 Jan 2013

Good morning. Posting a picture of George Washington today.

Would like to send congrads to a man who the last time I saw was a little boy, who has been sworn into Congress yesterday. You are a man now, and I hope you will be a great Congressman and be a Representive of the PEOPLE… You are smart, kind, and have a good heart and have compassion for others.. Don’t loose that.. Please listen to the people and never be afraid to talk to them one on one. Be fair in your dealings with all people.. If someone asks you for help don’t just answer it isn’t your problem without first finding out what kind of help they are looking for. You never know if your refusal to help that person causes them to be stuck in HELL. You might just realize at a later date, that they were trying to talk to you and wanting your help in fighting White Nationalist HATE, and you miss out on being a hero and protector to women and children in need.

I wish you the best and am very happy that you have grown into such a fine man. I wish your brother happiness too. It is hard for me to think of you both as all grown up and soon starting famlies of your own.

——————————————————

Feel like a little Tom Petty.

My mother has been very demanding today. She is trying my patience.. She can drive a sane person crazy with her crazy talk.

I feel like I want to fly away for a little free falling away from her for a week or two. Just having fun and enjoying life and not have to listen to her bark out orders and telling me she is going to die any moment, when she is barking out orders at me… I am not cold or cruel but I think as long as she is barking out orders and demanding this or that from me, that she doesn’t need 911 called.

Alot of things are just in her mind.

Yet, I am the one she alwyas said was crazy… I am actually the sane one.

I am learning with the ptsd that the problem child isn’t the problem but just the symptom of the problem within the family because we are the most honest… We act out the problem.. We are the scapegoat…

I keep on hoping that I can talk things out with an old American friend, as before I apply for my British Passport and renounce my American citizenship, I want to leave this nation without any unfinished business between us. We have things we need to say to each other and he needs to put on his big boy pants and face me and talk to me one one one. He is 60 years old, so he needs to start being a man and face me. I have never wanted anything from him but that he face me and we tell each other the truth and we give each other the sign of peace as Catholics. I mean the real sign of peace.. I STILL ONLY WANT THE TRUTH TO COME OUT AND THE RIGHT THING DONE. He needs to find the courage to face me a girl who has ptsd so even though I am a woman, emotionally I am still a girl… Because I am stuck in my childhood because of the trauma I have endured in this life. So it isn’t like I am a scary monster, but just a girl who need him to be a man and face me and we act like adult Catholics and talk things out with the goal of making real peace between us.

When that happens then I will be free to move to the UK and renounce my American Citizenship. I think he HATE ME, so you would think that would be enough to get this 60 year old man to put his big boy pants on and face me and we talk things out and hopefully end things on a good note for both of us.

I am the best friend he has ever had in this life and always will be… He COULD DO A LOT WORST THEN HAVE A FRIEND LIKE ME WHO LOVES HIM UNCONDITONALLY. I KNOW WE WILL NEVER BE MORE THEN FRIENDS, BUT I CAN BE HIS BEST FRIEND WHO TELLS HIM THE TRUTH, INSPITE OF HIS GETTING ANGRY WITH ME, BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO HEAR THE TRUTH… HE NEEDS TO HEAR THE TRUTH SO THAT HE CAN BE A BETTER MAN AND BECOME THE GREAT MAN I BELIEVE HE WAS BORN TO BE. I HOPE THAT EVEN AFTER I MOVE TO THE UK THAT WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH HE IS AMERICAN AND I WILL BE ALL BRITISH AS I WILL GIVE UP MY AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP.

So my journal entry today is about FATHER and SON.

I WILL NEVER SAY WHO IT IS, SO PLEASE DON’T EVEN TRY TO ASK, AS I TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, I WILL LIE AND MAKE UP NAMES. DON’T TRY GUESSING, BECAUSE 90% OF THE TIME WHEN YOU ASSUME THINGS THEY ARE WRONG.

Someday I pray that my prayers will be answered and the FATHER will find it in his heart to face me and listen to the truth. May he realize I have never lied to him. Yes, he was lied to about me, but it wasn’t I who lied to him, it was others who lied to him. May the truth finally come out and justice be done after all these years AND HE BRING THE MUCH NEEDED RESOUCES TO THE FIGHT AGAINST WHITE NATIONALIST HATE.

PLEASE PRAY HE WILL FINALLY HAVE AN AWAKENING ABOUT ME AND DECIDE TO DO THE RIGHT THING TOWARD ME, SO THAT I CAN LEAVE AMERICA AND GO HOME TO THE UK, WITH PEACE BETWEEN US.

Love
Chrisy

3 Jan 2013

Good morning. I wanted to post a picture of one of my heroes. Margaret Thatcher was a great woman. I admired her strength and courage. She wasn’t called the IRON LADY for nothing, lol.

Anthony,

I wanted to add to my reply to you from yesterday.

I fight for any WHITE person who is in danger just because he is part of the WHITE RACE. I FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT OF WHITES OF ALL WHITE ETHNIC GROUPS TO BE ABLE TO BE PROUD OF THEIR HERITAGE AND CULTURE AND TRADITIONS. I FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHT TO PASS ON THE TRADITONS OF THEIR ETHNIC GROUP TO THE NEXT GENERATION. IT IS NOT WHITE NATIONALIST TO BE PROUD OF BEING IRISH, SCOTTISH, ENGLISH, GERMAN, ITALIAN, SPANISH, FRENCH, POLISH, RUSSIAN, ETC. IT IS NORMAL TO BE PROUD OF YOUR ANCESTORS AND ETHNIC GROUP.

I RESENT THE WAY YOU WHITE NATIONALISTS TRY AND TWIST THE WORD RACISM TO MEAN THAT ANY WHITE PERSON WHO OPPOSES YOUR WHITE NATIONALIST MESSAGE ( NOT THEIR RACE) IS ANTI WHITE.

I FIGHT AGAINST ANYONE WHO WOULD TELL ME IT IS WRONG FOR ME TO BE PROUD OF BEING CELTIC AND BRITISH. I AM PROUD OF MY CELTIC ANCESTORS AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO HONOR THEM. I AM ALSO PROUD OF MY BRITISH ANCESTORS AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO HONOR THEM TOO.

SO THIS IS ONE WOMAN WHO IS ANTI RACISM/WHITE NATIONALIST WHO DOES FIGHT FOR THE RIGHTS OF WHITES TO BE ABLE TO BE PROUD OF OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS I WANT BLACK PEOPLE TO BE PROUD OF THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF BLACK PEOPLE, OR HISPANICS TO BE PROUD OF THE ACCOMPLSIHMENTS OF HISPANIC PEOPLE, OR ASIAN PEOPLE TO BE PROUD OF THE ACCOMPLSIHMENTS OF ASIAN PEOPLE.

ANTI RACISM/WHITE NATIONALISM DOES NOT EQUAL ANTI WHITE.

As I said you tell me of one real life case of a White person who is being targeted for genocide just because he is WHITE, AND I WILL DO ALL I CAN IN MY POWER TO BRING HELP AND SAVE THEM. I AM BEING SERIOUS. IF YOU CAN BRING A REAL CASE OF A WHITE PERSON OR GROUP OF WHITE PERSONS BEING MURDERED JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE WHITE, THEN I WILL DO ALL IN MY POWER TO BRING POLITICAL LEADERS TO TASK FOR DOING NOTHING WHILE WHITE GENOCIDE IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD TODAY.

I AM A COMPASSIONATE HUMAN BEING WHO HAS A HEART OF GOLD. I OPPOSE ALL GENOCIDE.

I know that Christians in the MIDDLE EAST are being targeted because of their Christan FAITH by Islamists and the world is silent. That is not WHITE GENOCIDE BECAUSE THE PEOPLE TARGETED FOR DEATH ARE NOT TARGETED BECAUSE THEY ARE WHITE BUT BY THEIR RELIGION. SO YES WE DO HAVE RELIGIOUS GENOCIDE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD TODAY.. I HAVE SPOKEN UP AGAINST GENOCIDE OF PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE CATHOLIC/CHRISTIAN AND NOT ISLAM AND WILL CONTINUE TO SPEAK UP AGAINST RELIGIOUS GENOCIDE.

I FIGHT AGAINST ALL NATIONALISM.. WHITE, BLACK, HISPANIC, AND ASIAN NATIONALISM THAT HOLDS HATE IN THEIR HEART TOWARD OTHERS WHO ARE NOT OF THEIR RACE… RACISM COMES IN ALL RACES. I EVEN CONDEMN THE PRESIDENT AND HIS AG HOLDER FOR THEIR BLACK NATIONALISM, IN GIVING A FREE PASS TO THE NEW BLACK PANTHERS TO BULLY WHITES INTO NOT VOTING. THEY ARE ALLOWED FREE REIGN TO BREAK ELECTION LAWS. I AM NOT ANTI BLACK BECAUSE I THINK HONEST BLACK PEOPLE ARE AGAINST BLACK NATIONALISM THAT WOULD LIKE TO MURDER EVERY SINGLE WHITE PERSON ON THE PLANET, AS HONEST WHITE PEOPLE STAND UP AND FIGHT YOU WHITE NATIONALISTS WHO BELIEVE IN A WORLD OF ONLY WHITE PEOPLE.

I do not oppose Obama because he is BLACK. I oppose him because of his actions and character. I WANTED HIM TO SUCCEED BECAUSE HE IS A GRADUATE OF PUNAHOE WHERE MY NEPHEW AND HIS DAD AND UNCLES WENT TO SCHOOL. HIS UNCLES KNEW OBAMA THEN, AS THEY WERE THERE AT THE SAME TIME. I WANT EVERY CHILD WHO GOES TO PUNAHOE TO DO GREAT IN THIS WORLD. Sadly, I think Obama is a poor excuse of a President and a man.

If I ever meet Obama in Hawaii I will tell him to his face, what I think and have written about him. Don’t say or write something if you are not prepared to tell them to their face your honest thoughts. Obama needs to hear some honesty, as I DON’T THINK HE HAS PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH KNOWING THAT THEY WILL GET HIS WRATH. EVERY POWERFUL MAN NEEDS PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE WHO ARE NOT AFRAID TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH INSPITE OF GETTING THEIR WRATH POURED DOWN UPON THEM. THAT IS WHAT MAKES THE PERSON WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL SO THE POWERFUL LEADER HEARS THE TRUTH, THEIR VERY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD.

Anthony, I hope someday that you as a MAN, will realize the truth that WHITE NATIONALISM is one BIG LIE, and will decide to LEAVE.

My good friend’s husband left after many years of being a White Nationalist. I am very proud of him for having THE COURAGE to do the RIGHT THING.

I DON’T HATE YOU AS I DON’T HATE ANYONE. PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME IN LIFE, KNOW I AM A VERY LOVING, COMPASSIONATE, AND SWEET PERSON..THOUGH I AM ALSO STRONG, BRAVE, AND HONEST.

I do hope that you will leave White Nationalism.

Chrisy