Good morning. I have a busy day and I didn’t get much sleep last night. Had a major breakthrough in my healing last night.
I was finally after all these years let go of the pipe dream of my old friend J ever realizing the truth about me and talking to me and doing the right thing by me and joining forces with me in my fight and crusade against White Nationalism. It is never easy for me to quit, as I keep on keeping on like a good soldier.
Last night I was finally able to put into words and release the feelings that I feel regarding J and his terrible treatment of me. His lack of compassion and his lack of listening skills. His lack of concern for people in the world who were suffering and in pain who needed his help, but instead of getting his help they got his lack of help.
Yes, I had a crush on J and I will always love him uncondtionally, but he missed his chance for being with me and being the one to work with me in the fight against White Nationalism. I am writting a letter to someone else… J doesn’t ever have to worry about me talking about him to anyone. I will never do anything to bring dishonor on him or his name. But I am moving forward and giving up on this lost cause that J has become in my life.
I grieve that my dream of us working together is dead. I no longer can wait on J to get his act together so I am seeking help from another source.
I believe that someday the truth will come out, and J will realize what he lost. I hope then he will finally come and talk to me so we can end things on a good note as Catholic to Catholic and human being to human being. That day in the barn when I asked J for his help, I couldn’t reply to his answer back then because I was emtionally shattered and couldn’t speak. I am being healed and can speak now. I hope someday he will let me finally tell him the answer I wanted to tell him, but couldn’t, now that I am finding my voice.
I am beginning to realize that if he doesn’t do me that honor that it is on him and not me.
Please pray that the new person I am reaching out to will respond in a more compassionate and kind way to me request for his help.
My sister if flying in this morning, so I have a busy day. Will try and write more later.
Am going to start the day with The Beatles, Here comes the Sun.
Things will get better now that I have finally let go of my pipe dream.