8 Feb 2013

Good morning.

Yesterday in group we talked about the coping skills we have used over the years to survive.  The quote for yesterday was really good and I have been thinking about if I agree with it or not.  Have come to the conclusion that I do.

” An abormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal.”  ( Vicktor Frankel)

I am not crazy or bad for reacting the way I did, or finding ways to cope with things.

We filled out a work sheet of coping skills and picked 4.

This is mine.

1. eating.

Costs

getting fat

leads to poor health

keeps the nice man that I could love uncondtionally and who could love me uncondtionally away.

Benefits

numbs the pain

Keeps the bad men away that I don’t want in my life

Is a good way to spend time and have fellowship with friends, going out to dinner and sharing meal.

2. submission

Costs

being controlled and not being able to make my own choices

not knowing what I want as I  am always doing what I am told

benefits

being sweet, which means that I make others happy.

being loved because I obey without question.

3. British Humor

costs

don’t cry

running away from my feelings

benefits

use laughter instead of tears

takes my mind off the bad

4. hide behind a smile

costs

Not thinking of how I really feel

benefits

seeing the best and being happy with whatever life throws at me

Had to pick one that I wanted to change.  I chose eating.

I had to list the reasons why I developed eating as my coping skill.

” To be safe against unwanted sexual advances from boys/men.  I didn’t want to be forced to date or have sex with someone who liked and wanted to date and have sex with me, that I didn’t like at all.”

When do you remember first using this coping skill.

Saratoga, CA

What was going on then

I was being pushed into having sex

What was the need for the behavior?

To make myself undesirable so I wouldn’t be forced into having unwanted sex anymore.

I had to come up with a compassionate statement for myself.

This is what I wrote:

” I don’t have a compassionate statement.  I feel compassion for others, but no compassion was ever shown toward me.  I was told it wasn’t their problem, I am lying, or I am crazy and it never happen; when I know for a fact it did happen and I told the truth.  Instead of people treating me with kindness and compassion I got harsh judgment and stones (mean words) thrown at me.  I got treated in such a way I would never treat another human being.

what are are new ways I can deal with things besides eating.

I would love to start riding horses again.  That is great exercise and I like being outdoors riding my horse.  I loved to ride the trails in Los Altos Hills when I was a kid and then along the North River in Marshfield with Tia.  I was able to loose the weight then and I feel it would be a healing activity for me to start riding horses again.

I am going to look into moving someplace where I can start riding again.  That is a must have.

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My journal assignment this week is about coping.  It is a 30 minute writing so I will either do it later today or tomorrow.

I think I need some music now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbS8JK4TS8Q

Start the day with some Phil Collins