30 Jan 2013

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This picture was taken in Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Good morning.  Have a busy day today.

Been thinking about what I want to do next.  Before I leave the mainland of the United States and move to Hawaii, I am going to take a roadtrip to New England and say good bye and let go of emotional ties that hold me back.  Put flowers on my dad’s grave and my grandparents in Lynn.

Need to face the pain and horrid memories of Marshfield caused by my mother, Kitty Olive and other so called friends.  I will do a cleansing ritual.  I want to write down everything I feel about what happen to me while in Marshfield and go to the beach I used to go there and light it on fire and put the ashes in the ocean. 

I want to go to the Cape where my dad and I had some happy memories. Even drive up to Southern Maine where I went to school as I had happy times there too.

I also want to stop in Fl to see my brother there.  I talked to him last night and he was open for us getting together and having a talk.  We need healing as both of us were hurt in this life by events out of our control as we were children.

When I leave the Mainland I want to be healed and at peace… Taking the emotional pain with me is not going to lead to a new start and allow me to embrace a new future.  It is by working the program while still on the Mainland and saying goodbye to the toxic events and people in my life that I will be free.

I have until March at least to finish up the sexual survivor’s group.  So maybe this Spring I will start to head to Boston.  I have friends in Kansas too I want to see before heading off to Hawaii.  I want to put flowers on my grandparents and uncle’s grave there.

I think my girlfriend Becky and her dog is going to go with me and Benji.  She has always wanted to see Boston and so I would be glad to show her around.  She has family in FL not to far from Fort Walton Beach so while I visit my brother she can visit her family.

Someday I may get to the UK, but right now, I feel it is more healing and important that I take a road trip to Boston and FL to face my past and let it go forever.  I am one of those people that need to physically be in a place to really let go.  I need to go to Marshfield, and write how I feel about being there again and then do a cleansing ritual of letting those feelings of anger and rejection wash out to see with the ashes of the letters I write to the people in Marshfield who treated me so horrid there.

Thinking I might be part of that March against violence in March, but I won’t speak.. I write better then speak.  It will be a big enough step just being there.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Watched Twlight Breaking Dawn Part 1 yesterday so will play this song again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

In the last few days I have seen all of them but the Breaking dawn part II.  Saw that in the theater but I don’t think it is on dvd yet, so have to wait…

 

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3 Comments »

  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:

    Thinking I need to go and do a cleansing ritual in CA and OR too before I leave the mainland of the United States.

  2. 2
    chrisy58 Says:

    Prayed the rosary today, which I haven’t prayed in a long time. Going to start praying it again, even if I can’t find a Catholic church I like in AZ.

    Got flowers from Mona my mother’s friend in KS. They look beautiful.

    Going to make a meatloaf tonight. This is the first night I really feel like cooking.

    Survivors group is tomorrow.

  3. 3
    chrisy58 Says:

    Back from walking Benji. Have dinner cooking and I am having one of my Guinness and it tastes good. Got to go and work on my cheese patotoes


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