27 Jan 2013

 Good morning.  Slept better then the the night before. Think the one beer helped relax me.

This week’s journal assignment for childhood sexual survivors group is to write about what we lost, what was taken and what was destroyed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

The goal this week is to turn the anger into grief.  This was lost for me, as who would want damaged goods.  To the world I am a whore because I lost my viginity to the evil gardener when I was still in grade school.  In Muslim countries I would have been stoned to death.  Really great, how the child is treated and punished for being raped and the man who raped her knows not one day of pain or punishment for the life he destroyed, when he decided to have sex with a little girl.

Maybe the Muslims are kinder to the little girls who are raped because they kill them and once they are dead they no longer have to live in hell?

Americans continue to throw stones at the girl for the rest of her life. They refuse help and show NO COMPASSION and MAKE HER SUFFER AND LIVE IN THAT HELL FOR THE REST OF HER NATURAL LIFE.  THIS IS ONE REASON WHY I DON’T LIKE THE UNITED STATES AND AM ANGRY AND WANT TO GO TO THE UNITED KINGDOM.  I WANT OUT OF THE HELL OF HARSH JUDGMENT, CONDEMNATION, HATE, AND LACK OF COMPASSION.. I WANT THE LIES, GOSSIP, AND THE GAME OF TELEPHONE TO STOP ABOUT ME.  I WANT TRUTH AND JUSTICE IN MY LIFE, BUT I FEEL LIED TO BY THE FOUNDING FATHERS AND THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES FOR TELLING ME THAT TRUTH AND JUSTICE ARE IMPORTANT TO AMERICANS, WHEN THE REALITY OF MY LIFE IS THEY DON’T GIVE ONE DAMM ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE.  THEY DON’T GIVE ONE DAMM ABOUT TRUTH OR JUSTICE.

THE LOVE, TRUST AND FAITH I HAD FOR THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT UNDER PRESIDENT KENNEDY IS DEAD.  IT WENT TO THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT UNDER NIXON, WHEN MY DAD WAS REFUSED AIDE AND LEFT TO ROT IN INDO-CHINA.  THANK GOD MY DAD AND HIS PARENTS WERE BRITISH AND THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT SAVED HIS LIFE AND BROUGHT HIM HOME TO ME.

YOU TELL ME, AS A KID, WHAT GOVERNMENT ARE YOU GOING TO LOVE, TRUST AND RESPECT MORE?  I TELL YOU IT WOULD BE THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT.

Getting off topic, so back to trying to start my journal assignment this week.

I think I am going to try and go to 11am mass and light a candle for my mother and Maryanne.. Think I will light one for Dianne who died in Nov. too.

Not ready to do the 20 minute journal writing yet.  Will try later today or tomorrow.  I have until Thursday to get it done.

This is not an easy group, but it is one that I have needed since I was 10 years old..

Chrisy

We have 20 minutes to write our journal entry.

 

 

2 Comments »

  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:

    I realized that I said a swear word damm in my post.
    So I better say I am sorry if you read this and are offended at my use of a
    swear word, but at least I didn’t use the f..k word.

    Please understand that using a swear word just release some of
    the anger inside of me. It is more theraputic then using peanut butter as a
    word to release your anger.

  2. 2
    chrisy58 Says:

    Tried to go to mass at st Stevens, but will not go there again. Next week will try st Mary’s. Left after the sermon, as I didn’t need to hear about the topic of abortion. That is a very deep wound and I already feel like crap, being forced against my will to do something I didn’t want to do. Sometimes one is forced to do evil.

    I sought to find the lovve and compassion that Jesus showed the woman at the well when everyone else wanted to stone her, yet once again I am beaten over the head and made to feel like I am such an evil person, that there is no forgiveness for me.

    I want to eat now.

    And people wonder why I get more uplifting from the Wiccan faith that my friends believe in, then my own faith of the Catholic church.

    Please pray I can find a Catholic church and priest who I can relate to and find healing and peace, so that I can be a active Catholic again, and not just a Catholic in name only. Their is a church in Kailua, Hawaii that I have gone to mass at when there. It seemed nice.. So I know there are good Catholic churches out there, just not here in Az.


RSS Feed for this entry

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 34 other followers

%d bloggers like this: