My Letter to the Greek Gardener

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Dear Child sexual rapist,

It has been many years since you sexually raped me, but I am still effected by your action toward me.  I am still living in hell, because of the pain you caused me and my family.  What promising future I was born with, you killed and took that away from me that day you decided to have sex with a little girl who didn’t even know what sex was.

You took advantage of a lonely child who was left alone a lot during the day when my mother was playing golf, bridge, or any other social events she and other women in our class did… You saw that I was alone and lonely and you took advantage of that situation.  Yes, I was vulerable and an easy target for you.

You talked to me about flowers and gardening because I always liked flowers and gardening.  You acted like my friend and spent time talking to me.. I trusted you an adult and in the end you took advantage of my trust and friendship for your own evil purposes.

I had wanted to save myself for the right man, and be a virgin on my wedding night as a gift to him.. You took that away from me and him( whoever that might be).  If you hadn’t committed your evil deed toward me, I might have been able to meet a nice guy and my dream of being a good wife and mother been a reality…  Yet, you made me damaged goods that no man is ever going to want.

I act out a lot… Have a lot of anger inside of me.  Because of you, and what you did to me and my father blaming my mother because she didn’t protect me when he was working long hours and traveling a lot overseas, they got a divorce.  I was a real problem child. 

My mother is still in denial and always will be.  She puts the blame on me..  Yet, the real blame goes on you Mr. Greek Gardener.  It has taken me many years to realize that.  YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS GUILTY!

I don’t forgive you, which makes you another reason why I have a crisis of my Catholic faith, because we are taught to forgive that if we don’t forgive others, we will never be forgiven.  HOW CAN I FORGIVE YOU FOR DESTROYING MY LIFE?

I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME.

It is time to stop now, so I will stop, as it is the same style as last week of free flow writing for a certain amount of time and then stop when the time is up.

 

2 Comments »

  1. 1
    chrisy58 Says:

    I need some music, as this exercise has made me emotional.

    I hope someday the truth about me comes out like the truth about Rhiannon came out and her name was cleared.

    Still want to be believe that TRUTH is STRONGER then LIES, but it has been so many years and no progress in the TRUTH being known and the RIGHT THING BE DONE….

  2. 2
    chrisy58 Says:

    I wonder if other childhood sexual abuse surviors feel they are between a rock and hard place too. Will be listening to some hard rock, as it best helps me to release my emotions. Love the Stones.


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