Start out the morning with a little AC/DC. They are Scottish like I am Scottish. We both have roots in Glasgow. Someday I will make it to both Scotland and England and see where my grandparents are from.
Been thinking about my letter to my sexual abuser when I was 11 years old. Will work on my homework for survivors group later today. So I will be writing it later on my journal…
I was the first latch key kid. I spent a lot of time home alone after school and before my mom came home from her social events. I remember once she forgot to pick me up at Pinewood, which is a private school in Los Altos I went to from the time I was in third grade through fifth grade. So she two gets a letter for failing to protect me. So there will be two letters written this week for my homework..
One to my mother and the other to the Greek gardener.
Think I am starting to feel a little better with the cold, but still have a long way to go. Need to get some more cold med today, which does help with the breathing, cough and sore throat. Alot of people are sick or have been sick this Winter, so far.
I still have a lot of anger toward the Greek Gardener… From that day forward until now, I don’t like anything Greek. No Greek food or Greek Heritage. I don’t even like to study Greek HISTORY.
I think that is one reason why I can’t fully accept the friendship from a Greek man who would like to be more then friends. As much as I try and open up to him and accept his wanting to be more then friends, I can’t!!!!!!!!!!
I trusted a Greek man once before and look where it got me.
My fear of any thing Greek is not because I am racist but because of the pain of being sexually molested by a Greek gardener when I was a little girl. And having to live with the effects of that event every day for the rest of my life.
This song played this morning as I was walking Benji.
I feel like I have been living in hell, since the Greek gardener had his way with me sexually…
The sad thing is that even though our stories are different the effects are the same… All of us are living in hell afterwards.
Need to stop now.. Can only deal with so much at a time.