12 Dec 2012

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Good morning..  Am dealing with emotions today…. Go to my indiv. session today. 

Today I want to talk about some men.  Notice I said some and not just lump all men together.  So I am not saying all men are like this.  Some men miss a wonderful woman because they only see if she has a good body…  I know White Natinalist men ( Some) made a woman feel ugly if she 1. didn’t have blonde hair/blue eyes as being second class, even though she was 100% white. 2.. didn’t have what they considered the perfect body. 3 over 30…

In group we were talking about body image on Monday… So what kind of message does that send a White woman.. It sends the message that she is ugly if she takes after her Celtic side and has brown curley hair and brown eyes and fair skin and freckles that she is valued less then the blonde hair/blue eyes nordic woman that they feel is the perfect White woman.  For the woman who doesn’t have the perfect body it makes her feel that she is ugly because she doesn’t have the perfect body or is a overweight.  Every human being on the face of the earth gets old.  So thanks alot White Nationalist men for making us women who are over 30 feel that we are disgusting to look at and that no man would ever want to love us. 

I am loosing the weight for myself, so I can look into the mirror and think I look good in that outfit and feel pretty like I did in my youth.  The face will never be the same as I am not 17 anymore but 54….  yet to White Nationalist men (some) at 54 I am to old for any man to ever want to be with…. so I might as well just find a spot to die as my only duty as a woman is to have White babies I can no longer perform.

If you are a woman and you want to be active in government, better forget getting involved with a White Nationalist man, as they don’t believe women have any role to play in the political world.  I wish I had 1 dollar for all the times I was told that I as a woman shouldn’t vote because I being a woman wasn’t smart enough to sort out the issues.  Sad thing is that I know more about politics and government then MOST MEN.  Yet, I being a woman in their eyes should keep me from being active in the Political spere in life, which I have loved since a very little girl. 

I binged ate last night, and got sick… It is ok because it helps me to focus on why I ate.  What emotions am I feeling that is making me self destruct my diet so I loose the weight I want.  The main feeling is that I feel ugly and that no man on the face of the earth, would ever want to love me or have a relationship with me because 1.  I don’t have blonde hair/blue eyes, but am Celtic looking with my brown curly hair/brown eyes and freckles.. 2.  That I have a eating disorder that leads me to eat to deal with my emotions, and because I don’t make myself throw up I am overweight.  and 3.  I am over 30 so who wants an old lady of 54….

Every woman wants to be loved and cherished.  I beleive every man wants to be loved and cherished too.  Does it make me a terrible person and unlovable because I have brown hair and not blonde hair, that I am overweight, and that I am over 30?

Is the world so shallow that it only looks at the outside of a person and not the heart and mind?  It is easier to change the outside then the inside of a person.  The most beautiful beauty queen might have a terrible heart and do terrible things to hurt someone.  Why is she better then the woman who has a great heart of gold but outside is overweight?  Why are women once they reach 30 treated like it is time to trade them in for a younger woman?

Thank you White Nationalist men for making me feel that I am so ugly that I will never be loved by a man and no the joy of having and being part of a family of my own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCMb13XA1sA

Wherever love takes me.

Someday I keep telling myself that I will meet a man who loves me as I will love him… Who I can submit to because I know that he sees me as the true and rare jewel I am.  Who will be my best friend, lover, and protector.. Who wants a best friend, lover, and helpmate to help him be the best man he can be.  Who I will promise to love, honor and obey and he will promise to love, honor and protect.

It will never be a White Nationalist man, as they have done enough emotional and mental damage to me that I am still suffering the effects of.

 

 

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