9 Dec 2012

Good morning.. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Enjoyed watching my British shows on youtube last night as it did take my mind off of binge eating.  Will do more today, as my mother and I have already started the day where she takes a dig at me and I stand up for myself.  We are like oil/water and don’t mix… So instead of eating as a way of dealing with my mother I am trying to use Comedy to make me laugh…

Am going to see if I can find the whole movie of Hard’s Days Night on youtube as I love that classic.  The Beatles were wonderful and had so much talent.  Bealtes Sunday on KSLX started my morning with some good classic songs.  So I will start your day with the Beatles too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4p8qxGbpOk

All you need is love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_XG_YlTPPQ&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Something

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm2YyVZBL8U

Maybe I’m Amazed

I know the Pollyanna in me tends to want to see only the best in the people I love.. There are many different kinds of love.  The love of a man and a women, parent and child, brother and sister, and love for a friend.

I love my mother, but I don’t always like her… My dad rasied me to believe that she is my mother and no matter what she does or says to me, that I am to love her and honor her, which I always try to do….

Last Wed. in indiv. she had me fill out this paper of what I have learned to believe about myself from different people listed.  From my dad I learned to be a good soldier who does my duty and is strong.. Who doesn’t whine or cry, but makes the best out of any sitution.  That is where my strength, courage, and fight comes from.  From my mother I learned I was stupid.. That I can never please her as she doesn’t like the person I am or like the things and people that I like and love.

Yes, I like four seasons and snow.  She likes endless Summer.  It doesn’t mean I am a bad person because I perfer the climate to New England to AZ or Hawaii.  It doesn’t make her a bad person or anyone else who perfers the SUN to SNOW. Why can’t she except me the way I am and not make me feel stupid, bad, or any other negitvie feeling she makes me feel because I don’t walk 100 % lockstep with her.  She is her and I am I…. Can’t she just love me the way I am as I strive to love her and accept her the way she is?

Do you want to hear something else that is sad?  Is my mother has always been an example to me of what not to be like or do…

From White Nationalists I learned I was ugly on the outside because I don’t fit their idea of what the perfect White woman should look like, even though I am 100% White.. I don’t have the blue eyes and blonde hair so in their eyes as I was reminded I wasn’t pretty.

From Jeff my CI/ White Nationalist ex, I learned I was a witch… Rebellion is the sin of witchcraft and I rebel against his CI/White Nationalists beliefs so therefore I was a witch.  He like to tell me a lot that the Bible says to burn witches and if they ever came into power I would be killed along with the witches.  When you tell someone enough times they are something, they start to live it out.  I didn’t want any part of Jeff’s God.  I still have a hard time with the Christian God and feel more welcome with my Pagan/Wiccan friends.  I still believe in one God and the basic foundation I was taught as a Catholic, but I find being with my Wiccan friends is more healing for the soul and gradually I will allow more and more of the Christian faith into my life again, I believe.

From my old friend in MA, JK, I learned I must force myself to speak up, because to remain silent is not a good thing.  So I am trying to find ways to talk to him and for him to listen and want to hear about White Nationalism and decide it is a battle that he wants to join and bring much needed resources to the fight.  To be the protector of women/children who want out and are willing to tell him what he needs to know so he has all the info and tools he needs to WIN…

It is not to late for us to stand up to White Nationalism and fight everything they stand for and are trying to bring into political power.  Everything in life is Political…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p5yzdCa2GE

It don’t come easy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6tV11acSRk

Here comes the Sun

This song always gives me hope that someday people will realize the truth about me and that truth is in fact stronger then the lies told about me and believed about me.

Someday JK will come and talk to me and our friendship can be restored and he will be the knight in shining armor to women and children trapped in White Nationalist hell who want out.  He will be our protector and hero.

Not going to let my mother get me down, or cause me to binge eat for today.

Love

Chrisy

 

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