Good morning. Still working on letting go of the toxic people and events in my life so I can heal from the ptsd. So this picture I thought was a good one to post on my journal blog to reinforce my desire to leave the past behind and embrace the new life that can be there for me if I allow myself to heal and make the changes needed.
Go to ptsd group this morning. It is helping me.
Still don’t know what I am going to do about my Greek friend. It does feel nice that there is someone who doesn’t think I am so ugly as I have been made to feel by American men. One of the major problems is I not speek Greek or German, and he doesn’t speak english but uses an electronic translator. Yet he has more kindness in his heart then most American men I have ever met.
JK, Jeff and the White Nationalist men really did a number on me, so it is hard for me to open up and share my picture with people. So posting two pictures of myself here is a big step in healing. As I am opening myself up to people posting nasty comments about how ugly I look on the outside.
They (American men) don’t even have the class to say nothing when they see the picture or me and find a nice way of saying I don’t want to be with you. It is you are nice and we get along but you are to ugly for me. I know I don’t have blonde hair, blue eyes and am tall or have the perfect body anymore. I am 54 years old. You should have seen me in my younger days. American men are so caught up in looks on the outside that they disregard women once they turn 45 to 50. They move on to the younger woman who still has the looks on the outside.
My self esteem is not very good right now, because of all the nasty comments American men have made about pictures of me. I remember the 2004 Euro picture I was in, and I was wearing a blue dress and my hair was in a pony tail with a blue bow. White Nationalist men on VNN couldn’t come up with enough nasty names to describe how ugly I was to them. I was he/she, mexican( because I have brown hair and light brown eyes), and how ugly I was.To some White Nationalist men if you are not blonde blue eyed you are not really White or you are valued less then the blonde blue eyed woman. Over and over it was one nasty comment after another. This is the behavior from the group of people who say White Nationalist men ARE THE PROTECTOR OF WHITE WOMEN.
I have news for you White Nationalists, CELTIC WOMEN ARE PART OF THE WHITE RACE. MANY OF US HAVE BROWN HAIR AND LIGHT BROWN EYES, FAIR SKIN AND FRECKLES. SOME OF US HAVE RED HAIR AND GREEN EYES. I CAN TRACE MY LINE BACK MANY YEARS AND I AM MOSTLY FROM THE BRITISH ISLES EXCEPT THE 1/8 GERMAN FROM MY GREAT GRANDFATHER WHO CAME TO AMERICA FROM GERMANY. To the normal person that would make me 100% White. Yet to some White Nationalists they think and have the nerve to say I am non White because I have brown hair and brown eyes.
I am going to post a couple of pictures of me, and yes, I am prepared for the nasty comments from White Nationalist men and others who think it is classy behavior on part of American men to attack someone on the way she looks because she doesn’t fit into your mold of a blonde hair, blue eyed woman.
here is another one of me and Kobe
I am a human being and I have always had feelings. Yes, words hurt just as bad and wound a person’s self esteem. If you make them feel worthless then they start to believe they are worthless. Verbal abuse is still abuse.
it don’t come easy
I have paid my dues to sing the blues.
Let it bleed.
Will let you know how the ptsd group goes.