If my dad was still alive today would have been his 95 birthday.
This quote came from one of my facebook friends. It applies to my life today so I am posting it on my journal blog.
For to long in the name of being a good Catholic I took being disrespected by certain people, in the name of so call Christian love. Yet, the very same people are excused from their lack of compassion and love for fellow Catholics. We are just to let their bad behavior go and pretend that they are such wonderful Catholics. I am not doing that anymore with JK, as far as I am concern he is a bad Catholic.
As his Catholic sister I will always be ready to talk peace, and we talk things out, but he must hear what I have to say. If he can be a real man and face the truth and his mistakes then he will earn my respect. If he continues to be a spoiled little boy who runs away from truth, honor, and hides from his mistakes then he will continue to have me think he is a coward and I will have NO RESPECT for him.
I thought he was a true Celtic Warrior, but he isn’t. He is someone who runs away in battle and hides behind a girls skirt tails then to fight along side her in battle. I am more a Celtic Warrior then he is. Come from the MacDonald’s who is a good clan. At one time we were the most powerful clan in the Western Highlands. We were Jacobites. Even though JK is Irish, he is not a Celtic Warrior. He may think he is, but he isn’t as his actions prove he is just a little boy who doesn’t even have the moral character to help a woman in distress who is being abused over him. When she goes to him for help, he says IT ISN’T MY PROBLEM WITHOUT ASKING ONE QUESTION. Some Celtic Warrior he is.
I defended him because I don’t judge people until I have a chance to talk to them one on one and ask them to their face if they are guilty of what the game telephone says they are. To bad he didn’t treat me with the same fairness. Oh, but that is right JK wouldn’t know FAIRNESS in his COLD HEART OF ICE. While I am FIRE and PASSION he is COLD and HEARTLESS.
I will use the int. I won’t say who JK is. I still protect him as I am a fool in that once someone enters my heart I will always love them as a friend, inspite of how badly they treat me. I don’t turn love on and off like one turns on and off a light switch. JK could stand for James Kelly. There are so many names I can come up with so please don’t try and guess, who I am talking about. The important thing is that JK himself will know that I am writing to him.
JK you hurt me. I expected a friend and neighbor and found the enemy instead. WHY? Why couldn’t you have the same honor and moral character I have in being fair and giving me a chance to defend myself as I have always tried to give you?
You broke my heart and I have a hard time trusting people now in part because of you and how you treated me. Jeff also plays a part in that as well. Now there is someone who seems to like me, but a part of me is thinking JK and Jeff were very charming and nice to me at first too, and then it changed and it became HELL on earth. He is coming to the States next month and wants to meet me in person, and I don’t know yet, if I want to go that far. A part of me would like to meet him as he is building my self esteem after Americans like yourself and Jeff have torn it down to the point that I think I am NOTHING AND DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE. Thanks alot for that. You made me feel like I AM NOTHING, because you won’t even tell me face to face from your own lips if what you were accused of by the neighbors is true or a lie. If I had been a true friend and a person of value in your eyes, you would have talked to me and given me the respect as a fellow Catholic and HUMAN BEING.
Is this new guy LYING to me like you did JK to get something that he needs without a thought of WHAT THE RESULTS WILL BE TO ME? WILL I BE LEFT HOLDING THE BAG AND HAVE TO SUFFER MORE IN MY LIFE BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ME AS A PERSON, ONLY IN GETTING WHAT HE WANTS AND THEN WHEN HE GETS THAT IS A COLD HEARTED SNAKE? I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH A HEART. I BLEED RED BLOOD. I HAVE FEELINGS. I HAVE NEVER LOOKED YOU IN THE EYES AND LIED TO YOU. CAN’T SAY YOU TREATED ME WITH THE SAME RESPECT AS EVERYTHING YOU SAID AND SHARED WITH ME WAS A LIE.
I hope I can heal enough to let someone into my heart and life who really likes me and grows to fall in love with me. I would like to have a lasting relationship like my sister has with my brother in law.
The ptsd group is helping and I will talk it over with them tomorrow when I go to group.
I might meet him in person if he wants to come to Phoenix. After all it is just meeting someone, how scary can that be? Only that he is charming like JK and Jeff and then after they I get involved with him find out he is only using me for his purposes and has no real feelings for me. I don’t want to be TAKEN AGAIN.
the goodbye girl
Will post later