Dear Christy, Here is Bernadette again. My situation of my marriage is devastated. I’m not convinced of separation nor happy about it but I’m forced in a way to do it because this is the second time that he is asking for the division of our property. I’ve done in 2009 for the division of our house and then he is asking again for the division of the house. I do love him. He told my daughter that he knows that I do him and if I love him I must accept the lady that he loves. Look! Christy I have my dignity too though I love him I can’t give in to him knowing that he has intimacy with that lady and he admitted that too. He has missed up love of the wife with love of a normal person. I’m trying all ways to pull him back but I’m in vain. I’m still keeping on of hoping of my husband’s return but according of what he said there is no return. What can I do ? Pls help. My heart is painning every morning as soon as i get up. Is so difficult to believe and cling on to the faith. Is God listening to my prayers ? I really can’t see and hear.
My dear Bernadette,
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Will pray my rosary for you. Do you have a Priest that you can talk to? You heart is breaking in two, and I know the feeling of having to admit that there is nothing left you can do. It is not easy to admit defeat. Some of us hate to quit and give up, and so we keep on going even if we are fighting a brick wall that has no opening. We might have broken arms, broken legs and bleeding to death but we keep on trying to break through that brick wall.
I am in group for my ptsd and I am taking a coping class. It is helping and something like that might help you too. Being with people who are going through the same thing and learning how to let go of the toxic in our lives and letting in the good. It is not easy, because we have to work on ourselves. yesterday we were talking and the women who run the class are helping me see that instead of always seeking peace with the person who hurt me and who doesn’t want to talk things out so as Catholics we can have peace and give each other the sign of peace that I need to seek peace within myself. Some people are not good Catholics and they have no desire to DO WHAT IS RIGHT IN GOD’S EYES. FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH REASONS THEY REFUSE TO TALK THINGS OUT AND SEEK FORGIVNESS AND PEACE AS CATHOLICS. THEY ARE INDIFFERENT TO THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT THEIR ACTIONS HAVE CAUSED OTHER CATHOLICS. THEY REFUSE TO ACT AS A CATHOLIC SHOULD ACT TOWARD ANOTHER CATHOLIC AND SETTLE THE DISAGREEMENT AS CHRIST WOULD HAVE US DO. WE GIVE EACH OTHER THE SIGN OF PEACE IN MASS, YET WHEN WE CAN’T GIVE SOMEONE THE SIGN OF PEACE BECAUSE OF THE HORRID WAY THEY TREATED US, AND YOU SEEK TO TALK THINGS OUT AND COME TO PEACE AND THEY CONTINUE TO REFUSE YOU WITH THEIR SILENCE, IT IS HARD TO BEAR.
One thing I am learning is to tell myself I am changing course and not QUITING. I am not giving up, but changing course for my well being. I can live with that. My dad was very good a sailing. He had a passion and love for sailing and was teaching me when we moved away from the ocean. I remember sailing and sometimes we would have to change course for the good of the sail boat or we would hit something. We didn’t quit sailing but were just doing a course adjustment. For your own good, you are going to have to think of changing course with your life.
You tried as I tried. No one could have tried any harder then us, in trying to do the right thing that God would have us do, but God believes in FREE WILL and we must respect the free will of the people who have hurt us. It is not easy, but I believe that God will bless us and help us through this struggle of changing course so that we can have real peace in our lives. Once we make it through and allow ourselves to open up to the new blessings Christ has for us on the new course of life then we will know love, peace and joy.
Pray your rosary, go to mass, read your Catholic Bible and be active in the social life of the church. At first it is going to seem really hard, but you must not give up and give into depression. Your children need you to be strong and to embrace the new course of your life that God wants to bless you with. God knows our hearts. He knows WE TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND WILL NOT JUDGE US FOR THOSE WHO REFUSED TO TALK THINGS OUT SO THAT WE HAVE PEACE BETWEEN US. Their refusal is on their heads and not ours.
Not always is God going to answer our prayers the way we want. Sometimes the answer is NO and we must trust HIM to know what is best and to believe He has something better in store for us. Faith is very important. Hope is also very important, but the most important is Love. The Love of Christ will help you through this.
I am so sorry you are hurting and in so much pain right now. Am always here for you. God has a miracle.
I don’t know what the miracle is for you that God will do, but I believe he will bring healing and peace to you.
Mother Mary, I pray for Bernadette, please be with her to comfort her and to give her peace and hope that you and your son are working in her life and that you have a wonderful life ahead of her. Please let her feel your love and give her the strength to do what you would have her do as a Catholic women. Please heal her heart. Amen.