Got the first dose of eye drops in now
I have to do 3 more.
Not looking forward to the eye surgery.
My breakfast with my mother ended up
in another fight. We can laugh and then
by the end of the meal we are fighting again.
Now we are in seperate corners ( our rooms) not
talking. I don’t know why God gave me to
her as she doesn’t like me and I don’t like her.
I know God doesn’t make mistakes, but we
are so much like oil/water and don’t mix, I
wonder why the combo. Maybe to make me
stronger? Maybe to make me a fighter?
” Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain
wisdom, not a guide by which we live.”
( William Appleman Williams)
That quote is from my quote book that one
of the greatest men in the 20th centry had
in his quotes. I have taken and added and
continue to add my own quotes, so now it is
just one of my most valued books of quotes
that mean something to him and me as I put
my own quotes in. When I run out of room I
will get a blank book just for my quotes.
Yes, I can see the truth in that quote. Suffering
does make one wise. I don’t want it to be the
guide of my life. Yet, I think that God still had
wisdom for me to learn before he can bring in the
light and the good things.
I believe I got the info needed to help in the fight.
Maybe now, I can leave the suffering behind and
take what I learned with me, but from now on
know and give unconditional love, unconditonal
trust, and uncondtional loyality. Onwards and
Upwards is my new motto. I can smile now as
I say it and actually believe it will come into
being.
Need a song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpbuqh12oj4
Rod Stewart-Sailing
Was just talking about sailing with my dad.
I dream of going to Skye and Ireland. I would
love to sail the British Isles.
When I hear that song, I think of my dad. I
know he is looking down upon me and my
decision to break up this house and no longer
live and be her caregiver. I did my duty.
Yes, he taught me duty first, duty second and
duty third, but I have more then done my duty
with her.
The last straw, was when she lied and said
my dad didn’t want me to be born and tried to
force her to get an abortion. He wanted me. My
sister who was there and 12 years older then
me told me it was a lie and he did want me and
love me. She is sick in the head and that is
just one example of MENTAL abuse. Mental
abuse is very real and can happen, when a
sane person lives with a sick one. That is sick!!
She has no clue the verbal, emotional and mental
abuse she has done to be the last 54 years. I love
here and respect her as my mother because my
dad always told me no matter what she said or
did to me she was still my mother and to respect
her. I have tried to do that.
It is time to put her in a nursing home and for
me to be free from my prision of being at her
beck and call. It is no life for me.
I know she was hoping as I heard today that I
would stay and continue to be her caregiver until
she dies. She doesn’t want to go and live in
a nursing home that is mainly non White. Well,
is going there now, because after her last stunt
of saying my dad tried to force her to have an
abortion and didn’t want me to be born, when
he is dead and can’t defend himself, is going
to cause her to spend her last days with non
Whites. Poetic Justice? Maybe?
My mother keeps on living. It could be another
five years here suffering verbal, emotional and
mental abuse at her hands, not being able to
have a social life because she has to have total
control over every aspect of my life. It isn’t worth
the HELL I have to go through in order to go out.
NO, I will not continue on as her caregiver and
whipping girl, because she doesn’t want to be
around non whites. She needs to realize that
her White Nationalist views are not acceptable.
Maybe I have been enabling her to continue to
hold those racist views by continuing to keep
her in her White World?
I served my time, and my freedom begins
at the end of Sept when she is moved to a
nursing home in Hawaii. She makes it sound
like Hawaii is a terrible place. It is 10000Times
better then AZ. She will have family here.
Oh, but that is right, she will be around Non
Whites. Frankly I can’t wait to get out of
Sherif Joe’s AZ. Just another way we are opposite.
You know me being the round peg and her the
square peg.
Another song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX3cbFJ3lYU
Freebird
This one is for my mother.
You can’t chain me to you any longer. Your
total control of me is getting looser and looser.
Until one day you will have no control over me
or my life.
I am not going to feel guilty that she has to spend
the last days of her life surrounded by NON WHITES!
My friend that I was Confirmed with in the Catholic
Church just called. We had a very nice conversation.
Last song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7rFYbMhcG8&feature=endscreen&NR=1
Peter frampton- Do you feel like we do?
Will post later.
Love
Chrisy
