It is 4:45 am Sunday morning. Still can’t sleeip and still have the runs.
It is miserable, and I wouldn’t wish these withdrawals on my worst enemy.
Day 4. How much longer does the not being able to sleep and not being able to keep food down.
I know my body is getting out all the toxins.
This forum is saving my life, and I would hope that if someone is reading my personal journal and wants off the pain med merrgy go round to join and try to get some help.
There are people all over the world, so there so there is always someone on who has been through this.
I can see why some people aren’t strong enough to get off.
At some point as someone posted on the forum we have to go through them and it is the first step on getting clean and healthy again o\after many years of abusing our bodies.
I want to remember this hell, so I don’t allow the pain managment doctdor to talk me into taking anymore of these pills. If they won’t work with me, I will find a pain managment doctor who will work at non opiate narcotic drugs instead of dealing with the neck and shoulder problems.
American health care sucks. I say that as someone who worked in it, and from the standpoint of one of the biggest addictions problems right now in this nation is people getting hocked on the oxycoddone that doctors give them. Instead of dealing with the problem, they given them pain pills to make them comfortable, but leave the probelm untreated for years.
To say I had fibro and to find out 8 years I didn’t have fibro, but neck and shoulder issues, is mal practice. How many people have been told they have fibro and really had serious treatable issues and 10 uears later are drug addicts who haven’t had the problem treated, just given the oxycodone.
I want out of AZ so bad. This is the worst state i have been in. I have a good friend in MT, who decided a few years ago to get off this oxycodone. I have another good friend, who I fear is still on the merry go round. I hope she reads this and joins the forum, and together we can seek better ways for pain managment then these oxycodone that is sucking the life out of us. We have 3 choices life, death, or jail. I choose life and going to Scotland, England, Ireland, and Wales. That is what I focus on when I feel like hell and being hit by a train. I have the Union Jack hanging in my room. I will never get to go to Scotland if I don’t get healthy and off these drugs.
I love you my friend, I am always here if you want to get off the oxycodone. We have made so many steps together. We both left the lies of WN behind, and are fighting their lies with the truth. You are still my best frind in and out of WN. I love you. I hope you will join me on this journey we must face next. We have come so far from where we were when we were dooped to think we were White Nationalist women, whose duty it was to bring White babies into the world. Now let us start this journey and become healthy in body and soul, so we can overcome this struggle we must overcome. I love you and always will.
For me Jeff was abusive and instead of saying my neck and shoulder were injured, told I had fibro and suffer pain for all these years is wrong. Maybe that is how I endured the life in CI/White Nationalism and didn’t see the truth for so long as I was on pain pills and covering up the pain with drugs and food. We all have addictions. We sometimes go from one addiction to another. At 11 I started using food to numb the pain.
Lost a few more lbs so I think it is 12 lbs in 3 dys, but I have a lot oflbs I can loose. I have diabetics and fatty liver, so I have a lot more I need to loose. I would want anyone else to go on the drug withdrawals diet.
Jesus and Mother Mary are my higher power. I have made the first step and admit I am powerless over drugs. I am enslaved to them. They are helpming me through all this. I know that for so many years I have not been liveing as I should. I was away from the church for many years. I allowed anger to drive me away from the church I loved so much. I found it again, and that is why I was able to see the truth of where I was at, and that White Nationalism and CI that Jeff belives in is not of God, but the devil. I think that is why I could never let Jeff baptize me, I was baptized and confirmed as a Catholic and had a good foundation. Teach a child when he is young and even though he may stray from the faith, he will come back.
I love the Rosary and pray it everyday, and even though I have been going through withdrawals, am still praying it. I think it is what willkeep me from going back to the pain pills just to stop the wiethdrawlas that we all must go through in order to get clean and start healing our modies and minds.
I want to be human again. I want to be someone God can use. I want to be free from having to have oxycodone are I feel sick, I don’t get high, it just kept me from feeling sick.
My friend, I love you, and hope we will take this journey together. Check out the forum. I post there alot there, under Chrisy. Everyone is really friendly and been through it, so they can offer support, and they have links for help in all the states. we will make it through this. We made it through White nationalism and had the courage to walk away and start fighting them. If wew can risk our lives fighting White Nationalists then we can overcome the oxycodone addition that is killing us inside.