I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. Woke up in a lot of pain this morning. I have bone on bone in my shoulder plus other things wrong, so just to move my left arm and shoulder in daily living is very painful. Took one of my pain pills so am feeling that I will go to the 11 am mass. Think I will go to St. Mary’s this morning. They have a gift shop and I want to get a statue of St. Michael. St. Michael is one of my speical saints who watches over me and hears my prayers.
I know that it is very hard for men to say they are sorry to a woman, who they hurt and treated badly. I am listening to old songs and thinking of an old friend, I haven’t seen or spoken to in over 20 years. We were both young then and now I fear we both have changed in our appearance. Both have gray hair perhaps. The last time I saw this man, I got very angry at him and emotionally shut down to where I couldn’t respond to his answer to my question. One thing he can never accuse me of is to whine, when he told me no. I accepted his answer. I still think he was wrong to treat me like that.
My head tells me to just wash my hands of him and not even try to talk things through Catholic to Catholic, and we tell each other the truth looking in each other’s eyes. With the hope that we forgive each other in Christ and Jesus and move on to be better friends and Catholics. Yet, my heart won’t allow me to give up on him. when I love someone as a friend they are in my heart forever. They can treat me horridly, but to me they are still my friend, who I love, and only see the good in. I believed in him, but he didn’t believe in me or even value me as a person to defend myself against the lies being told about me. I tried to give him a chance to defend himself and didn’t believe the lies told about him. I am waiting until I can talk to him, face to face and look into his eyes as he answers my question of is what is being said about him true? My heart has always been stronger then my mind, so my heart wins everytime, and I haven’t been able to wash my hands of him and let go.
I don’t trust him or respect him at this point of time. I don’t think forgiving means that we have to open ourselves to be hurt again, but I do think it means that we have to keep seeking peace and restoration of friendship.
We had good times and I remember the smiles we shared. This man had the most beautiful smile that could light up a room. He has the most beautiful blue eyes. Yes, I did have a little crush on him at one time, but I think that is normal, and nothing would have come of it, as I would never have sinned with him.
How can two brothers be so different. The one being an honest man of courage who in one brief moment earned my undying respect. He wasn’t going to continue letting me be accused of lying when he knew I was telling the truth. I don’t care what anyone said about this man, to me he was an honest man who had the courage to stand up and defend me, to people who thought they knew everything about me, but in reality knew very little. I was so sorry to hear when Michael died. He was my birthday brother as we were born within a week and in the same year. Even though I met him only twice, because of him standing up for me like he did, I totally respected him. Those who read my blog know that very few people have earned my undying respect. Michael is one of the few who has.
The other brother judged me harshly without giving me a chance to defend myself. He judged me and only saw the worst in me, while I didn’t judge him and only saw the best in him. I have prayed for years that someday this old friend will find the courage to talk to me. I am not going to bite him, and I don’t want to hurt him. I want us to talk. Why is he afraid to talk to me? Why is he afraid to face the truth? Why is he afraid to say I am sorry? Why is he afraid to from this point on be a better friend?
I have such a tender and loving heart, that I will always be here ready and willing to TALK things through. I will always be ready to move forward as nothing bad happen. We all make mistakes. I have made some really bad ones. We can’t change the past, either one of us, but we both can do better in the future. True friendship never dies.
Obama is being the weasel I know he is. Now he is changing his tune about Israel. He thinks Americans are so stupid that we don’t see through his lies and games. It is election time, he is going to be telling more lies then usual so that he can fool people into voting for him again. The thing Obama doesn’t realize that many Americans see thorugh him and aren’t buying what he is selling. Oh, he might fool the youth, Progressives, and others who feel they have no where to turn, because Democrats don’t have the courage to stand up to him and challenge him like they did Johnson. I know it is hard to challenge a sitting President in your own Party, but the American people deserve better then Obama. We deserve a choice between a new Democrat and a new Republican. Does the Democrat Party have any people of moral character who will stand up and oppose this lying weasel that is sitting in the oval office?
Do the Republicans learned their lesson, that 2010 was not we are voting for you because you are Republicans, but because you weren’t Democrats and we were giving you a chance that you weren’t lying to us. Sadly, it seems the Republicans haven’t learned their lesson either. Many of them are cocky and thinkit it is a sure win in nov 2012. Remember pride before fall. So far we haven’t brought forward a candidate who I support.
It is not an easy decision to make about walking away and washing your hands of the government, but sometimes we must, as the government becomes so large and out of control that they stop being our government and become the government so corrupted that they actually work against the American people. The United States government has become so out of control. I am not only blaming Democrats or Obama. Republicans, Democrats, Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush etc have been part of the problem. We are on a sucide path and I don’t know if we can change the course our government is taking us. They continue to do one stupid sucide move after another.
Well, I need to start getting ready for mass. I will continue to pray and seek God’s wisdom of if he wants me to move outside of the United States and renounce my American citizenship and try and claim my birthright as a Scot. I have my grandfather’s birth record. I think I have a good case where they will take me, though I do have some health issues which might make it hard for me to be allowed to become a British Subject. I think if I stay within the states I will move to Hawaii. I will be off the mainland and as far as the corrupted government in DC is. That way I can keep my American citizenship, but be as far away from the DC as I can be. Hawaii is nice. I have family there. I don’t have family in Scotland. The UK is also in bad shape. Hawaii might be the answer.
Hope everyone has a nice day.
Chrisy
