I wrote thoughts for yesterday but after an hour I moved them to trash. I am going to try again to write my thoughts but not all emotional and with a lot of passion.
I like to start my day with morning prayers and praying the rosary. I like to end the day with evening prayers and praying the chaplet of Divine mercy. I also like to read the daily readings in the missal of the Catholic chruch as I am Catholic. I have always felt that the Catholic Church was the church God wanted me to be in. Though there were years when I was angry with the Catholic Church because I didn’t understand the concept of free will and that God believes in free will. While I was angry at the Catholic church I allowed Jeff and his CI/WN cult have a place in my heart and mind. I am so happy that God didn’t give up on me, but helped me find my way home to the Catholic Church agian. My faith is the most important thing to me except for family and friends.
I have tried and tried to do what the Lord has commanded us in forgiving those who hurt, use, and abuse us. To talk things out and forgive and reconcile as Catholics. The other party refuses and doesn’t seem to have the courage to face me Catholic to Catholic and look me in the eyes and tell me the truth from his own lips if the accusation made is TRUE or just another rumor that isn’t true. I have always been willing to face him and tell him the truth, yet it seems that this man is charming but has no guts. I may be stupid but I have heart and guts. I have the courage to face the truth and in the areas I have done wrong say I am sorry and try to make them right. This man seems to be so selfish and uncaring of others that I just have to admit to myself that he will never find the courage to face me. If it is left to this man for me to find the truth about this accusation regarding him; that I would be living the rest of my life not knowing the truth. You see I don’t judge people based on rumor. I try and give the person a chance to tell their side of the story. I have to give up trying and trying to get this fellow Catholic to do what is right as a Catholic andface me and tell me the truth from his own lips, knowing that I forgive him and nothing is going to happen to him. I just want peace and to get peace I need to know the truth.
Jesus also knows the truth, so my prayers are being changed from this person talking to me and telling me the truth, to Jesus telling me the truth without this person. I accept that this person is NOT THE DEVOUT CATHOLIC THAT HE TRIES TO MAKE THE WORLD THINK HE IS OR HE WOULDN’T IGNORE MY PLEA THAT WE TALK CATHOLIC AND CATHOLIC WITH THE INTENT THAT WE TELL EACH OTHER THE TRUTH. WE THEN FORGIVE EACH OTHER AND HOPEFULLY MOVE FORWARD AS BETTER CATHOICS.
when we are children we don’t always pick the right heroes I guess. I guess when we are adults we find that the heroes we picked were nmomt what we thought they were. My heroes, I thought valued truth and justice. I thought they loved this nation and would fight against all enemies foreign and domestic, and that they were good Catholics. Ther reality was very different. It wasn’t the heroes themselves who let me down it was one of them’s sons. Two sons to be exact. One of the sons who is now dead was an honest and honorable man who earned my undying respect. He stood up to his wife at a party we were at and told her I was telling the truth. That showed me that he was an honest man. His older brother showed me he was a cruel and evil man. A man who had a beautiful smile but no guts or courage. He is a selfish man who doesn’t think of anyone else. He is one that allows people to be abused over them and when they need to be removed from the situation for a time yell “IT ISN’T MY PROBLEM” when a girl is being abused badly over them. Even the best soldiers need R AND R from battle so they can get their strength up. I feel that as a fellow Cathoic he sinned against me.This man has no compassion for others who are suffering.
I have waited and waited and tried and tried to do as God would have me do and talk things out with this person. After 21 years I have to accept that this will never happen and pray that somehow Jesus would let me know the truth about this accusation that this person was accused of. It could very well be that both this man and I were hurt by a rumor that isn’t true. Sometimes LIES become stronger then the truth and that is why I tried and tried to TALK TO THIS PERSON CATHOLIC TO CATHOLIC. I accept the answer is NO. I also accept that the person I hoped would be a middle man has no desire to do the right thing and help his brother do the right thing as a Catholic and face me face to face and tell me the truth, as I would tell them the truth. We might just find that both parties were LIED ABOUT, but we won’t ever know that until we TALK FACE TO FACE AS CATHOLICS SEEKING TO ONLY DO WHAT IS RIGHT AS CATHOLICS.
After 3 years I must accept the brother is not going to do the right either. That like his brother he has no desire TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT AS A CATHOLIC OR VALUE TRUTH OR JUSTICE. I now wonder if he is a true American Patriot who is HONEST with himself or others.
Isn’t it funny that White Nationalists call me a Liberal/Progressives who hate the white race because I reject their message and I have Liberals/Progressives who call me an evil racist because I am pro life and believe as the church teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman to bring children into the world, and that I believe the Bible is the word of God. I have had Progressive Catholics say that the Bible is NOT THE WORD OF GOD BUT STORIES. It is true that catholics do not believe the Bible was written by God and is the dictated word of God, but we believe the Bible is like a treasure chest full of all kinds of treasture. Gospel, poetry, prayers, history, prophetcy, and proverbs of wisdom, etc. We honor the Bible as the Word of God in our mass.
Both sides hate me because I reject their message because the HATE just spews out of both messages. WN’s hate Jews. Progressives hate Conservative Republicans. Both hate Catholics and Christians who believe the Bible is the Word of God and try and live by the teachings of Christ and follow the 10 Commandments.
If one is really living their faith then we must choose Christ and our faith first. Yet, to many times we find ourselves as cafateria Christians picking and choosing what we believe and discarding what goes against our political views. Their Political party is more important then their faith or the truth. We live in a time where the parties generalize and demigod with the issues. many times they know they are lying or that they are refusing to do what is right because it is better for their political party. That is one reson why this nation is in such a bad place right now. It is happening now with the Budget fight.
As I have turned of WN media I am not going to listen to Progressive media anymore. It was just HATE SPEECH AGAINST REPUBLICANS AND CATHOLICS/CHRISTIANS WHO BELIEVE IN TRYING TO LIVE AS JESUS WOULD HAVE US LIVE AND THE TEACHINGS OF OUR CHURCHES.
Who have I come to respect during the past year? Glenn Beck, because he seems to have a true love for Christ and trying to do as Christ would have him do. Some of the things he says I believe are true. He is a brave man for standing up and telling the American people the truth.
I don’t think Progressives care to expand their listening base, because they keep on just bashing republicans and blaming republicans for all the wrondoing in this government. They had a chance to educate without bringing political party into the equation. After giving them warning that they were only speaking to the choir and that if they wanted to expand their listening base to include Republicans that they would have to tone down the Republican hate and just talk about the issues without political party being mentioned. They chose to ignore my requests and continue to blame Republicans and even imply that all who hold a Republican voting card are evil racist over the comment of one Republican. I know now that their hate is blinding them to the truth and that they don’t want to know the truth. they would rather believe the lies as truth instead of having the courage to admit that I too as a Republican have truth and could teach them a few things that would help them in this life to be better people then they are today. I give up and won’t waste my time anymore in trying to talk Catholic to Catholic. I am giving it to God and trust that he will find someway to let me know the truth about this nasty rumor.
The Lord has really been working in my life the last few years. Every year I see how I become a better and stronger Catholic and that makes me happy. I am not so wishy washy and a branch blowing in the wind in all different directions. I think I am finally finding my courage to stand for the truth,justice, and Catholic faith, even when to do so makes me go against what is politically correct in this world.
I hope everyone has a good day.
Chrisy
