Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone has a wonderful day with family and friends. I will be going to a neighbor’s house for good food, fun, and fellowship.
I know with the bad economy that some people might not be thinking about the blessings in their lives, but our families and friends are truly the best blessing there is.
What am I thankful for this year. I am thankful that each year I am healing from the PTSD and have hope that next year I will have made even more progress. 5 years ago I thought I was a White Nationalist, but know now I was never a White Nationalist but just someone who is very proud of her Celtic heritage. There is a difference between having White Pride which is normal for all people to feel about their race; and White Nationalism which must be a political view if they are going to achieve their goals of a White Nationalist Homeland.
I feel each year my Catholic faith is making me stronger and opening my eyes and heart to the truth. My Catholic faith is the foundation by which I live my life now. I am no longer angry at God or the Catholic church.
We are at the time of year when one starts thinking about what they want to keep in their lives and what they need to get rid of. What is working and what isn’t working are questions I ask myself. What is my goal for the new year that I can achieve?
I worry about the future of this nation that my ancestors loved and founded many years ago. Though as far as nations go the United States is still a baby. I wonder if there are enough true American Patriots who love this country who are willing to fight to save her and would rather die in battle fighting for freedom then to live in slavery to another nation who has enslaved us by our out of control spending and debt. Washington DC just doesn’t seem to understand that they are destroying this nation by their spend, spend, spend and increasing the amount of money we owe to the point that we are reaching a place of we won’t ever be able to pay the money back we owe. It is important that we as Americans clean out the mud in our eyes that keeps us from seeing the truth and find the courage to do what we must do so the children can live free and not be enslaved to our debt.
I worry about what is happening in Ireland and the UK with their debt too. Governments all around the world need to stop spending money that the nations don’t have. We all need to make some tough choices and tighten our belt so that the children today can have a future and be able to provide for their children. It isn’t fair that we spend money that we can’t pay back and will force the children today to pay the price for our out of control spending and selfishness.
Yesterday I was at the DMV or MVD as known in AZ and I was talking to a couple there as we were waiting for our numbers to be called. They are Catholic like me and also live in Sun Lakes. We both are worried about what kind of life the children will have in 20 or 40 years when they are dealing with raising their own families. How will they improve their lives as each generation has done before us. Each generation achieved more then the previous one but now that is changing in this country and each generation is achieving less then the previous generation and that is SAD to me. We need to find a way to get back to where future generations improve their lives.
I have hope and one can’t ever loose hope, but I also know the reality that the odds are against us.
Today, I am going to be grateful to God and thank him for the blessings. Tomorrow I can go back to thinking about all the problems we have to find solutions and working to find those solutions so that future generations don’t have to suffer for our selfishness.
Happy Thanksgiving!! Enjoy the turkey and football.
Advertisement
Happy Thanksgiving to you too. I thank the Gods every day I got up to live another day and savor it, another day I was able to do whatever the hell I wanted.
This year was a hard one for me, but there have been some blessings in disguise. I am also healing from something that was, thankfully, very short-lived.
Five years ago, I too believed in a pipe dream. A pipe dream that still has yet to go anywhere and has proved to be little else than dead weight in my life. Hopefully someday, I’ll get that passion back and find some cause worth fighting and dying for. Part of me hopes I don’t because I don’t want to make the same mistake I did with White Nationalism. Maybe I can just learn to keep it in check and choose my battles carefully. Choose to support things and people that will also return the favor. We’ll see. Right now, I need to think about and take care of me.
Hope you are doing well.
Happy Thanksgiving my dear friend. I am so glad you posted your comment. I am so proud of you.
I don’t know if you still read SF but I have been posting in the anti section. You know I love talking to people of all political views and so I am trying to talk with White Nationalists. I think it will be good in the long run for the healing process, as I must learn to think for myself and to stand up for what I believe and not be so wishy washy. I would love to hear from a friend how they think I am doing in the discussion.
I have found my dear friend that each year I heal a little bit more. For those years that we were involved in White Nationalism it was our world. We gave it our whole heart and soul. We loved the people we knew and it is hard to accept that those same people we loved and who we thought loved us have become our enemy. To them we betrayed them because they don’t understand why we left and turned away.
Just set one goal as far as healing goes and try and work on that, once you find you have mastered that goal you can work to heal from another emotion. I know I am not explaining this very well. I don’t set big goals that are not possible but small goals that I can check off and set another small goal to be achieved.
You have blessings in your life my friend. You have family and friends who love you and are always going to be here for you my friend. You are back in New York. I have another friend who is thinking about moving back to New York State near Albany/Troy area. Her family is there too and she is missing seeing her grandaughter. Who knows where I will end up living?
” Five years ago, I too believed in a pipe dream. A pipe dream that still has yet to go anywhere and has proved to be little else than dead weight in my life. Hopefully someday, I’ll get that passion back and find some cause worth fighting and dying for. Part of me hopes I don’t because I don’t want to make the same mistake I did with White Nationalism. Maybe I can just learn to keep it in check and choose my battles carefully. Choose to support things and people that will also return the favor. We’ll see. Right now, I need to think about and take care of me.” ( Saturnia)
Five years ago we both believed in that Pipe Dream. We both allowed ourselves to be deceived. We can’t take back those years but we can move forward and tell the truth and try and make better choices in the future. The important thing is we learn from our mistakes and become better people for having gone through the bad.
You are right they haven’t gone anywhere but that is because of several factors. Maybe it is a blessing that they are so disorganized and not working on the same play book. They need to do some serious house cleaning and get rid of the toxic people. I am not sure they will do what needs to be done to make themselves the people they need to be to win the political power they need to bring their vision into reality. Yet, I don’t take them as a joke because I know if they ever did get their act together in the leadership that they could actually achieve and maybe win. I don’t know if it is because leadership itself is a joke and they don’t really want to win but just live off the income they receive from White Nationalists or they really don’t understand what has to be done to turn their army of people into a fighting force that could work together as one unit toward the same political goal?
The right cause will come to you someday. It might be the environment or organic farming. Then again maybe it is best to take a break from embracing a Cause that you are so passionate about that you are willing to die for? I think it is good that you are taking the time to devote to yourself and what is best for you.
Talk to a mutual friend last week and I know that she thinks about you and wishes you the best. We are both here for you and always will be. She is doing good and getting ready for Christmas. She is happy and is enjoying life.
There is life after White Nationalism. We must keep on believing that. I believe that given enough time and once people see we really have left White Nationalism behind us that people will allow us to forget our past.
Love you.
Chrisy
I still log on to SF once in a while, there’s not much else I can do there, as I was banned a few months ago. I’ll go check out your posts soon. I am happy to hear you still believe in White Pride, World Wide. I do too, I just don’t have any place in White Nationalism. Thankfully, I’ve always had a life outside of that. I needed something to fall back on when it finally slapped me in the face. Some of my friends from SF knew I was getting frustrated with it. They don’t consider me an enemy, nor I them. I don’t know what others would think, and I can’t really worry about that, right now. Maybe some who don’t know me will look at me as the enemy, who knows. Other than that, I still love my WNist friends (the more normal people), but I need to do something else with myself, now. Besides, they can do without a “femicunt” like myself, right?
One of my closest friends passed away a few months ago, and a series of other things started to hit me soon after. So, my focus has been mainly getting those things squared away. I am seeing a therapist starting on Monday. I am changing my major next semester to something more creative, as I had originally wanted to do. Screw doing something to get out there to advance “the Cause,” it won’t be appreciated anyway. I don’t even care, anymore.
I am glad the mutual friend is happy and enjoying life. My husband brought the two of you up not too long ago, asked if I still spoke to you.
I don’t exactly want to forget my past, just learn from it.
Take good care of yourself.
I am so sorry that your friend died. How horrible.
The change in major sounds really good for you. Something creative is always good for the soul. Will it be music or art based? I always liked music and playing instruments and singing. I love art and admire people who have the talent to draw, but my gift was music based and not art based. I always enjoyed singing in the choir at the Catholic Church and miss it. St Stevens left such a bad taste in my mouth the way my two choir directors were treated by the Pastor there that I haven’t sang since. I know I should give the gift of my voice to St. Mary’s choir but I haven’t been able to do that it yet.
I took out my old choir notebook and didn’t have the heart to throw away the list of names of people in our folk group. The way Andy was treated after giving so much time and talent to the church wounded us. A lot of the people left St. Stevens for good and some stayed but no longer give anything to the church but what is necessary. I left and went to St. Marys but because of gas sometimes I still have to go to St. Stevens so that I can meet the requirment of going to mass.
I don’t know what happen to the other choir director Karen who directed the big choir. She would be happy to know I finally quit smoking. I know that smoking didn’t help my voice and now that I am not smoking it will be good for my voice. I hope she is happy and enjoying herself.
The therapy will be good for you and help you find what you do want to do in the future. I don’t think we ever forget our past as there is always someone there to remind us of our past when they think it will hurt us, but we all can learn from our past and allow it to make us stronger. You and I and our friend are strong women. We lived through the hell or should I say living through it and are going to overcome. I believe in us.
I read some attacks on you and noticed an old friend didn’t defend you on VNN. It shocked me that he didn’t defend you and say you were not a feminazi cunt but a wonderful woman and friend. I guess when we both left White Nationalism behind us that friendship was finished. Inspite of how much this person hates me now, I still love him as a friend. The friendship is gone as there is no way we can ever get that back, but I don’t wish anything bad to happen to this person and pray for his family when I feel they need my prayers like when facing a disaster. He might not like me saying this, but I did learn from this man. He is right I have been wishy washy and I need to find what I believe for myself and stick with it. I have always allowed myself to be influenced by who I am around. He is also right I do have serious issues due to the PTSD. I don’t blame Jeff or White Nationalism for the PTSD as I had it before I met them. They didn’t help the PTSD and in some cases made it worst. I know Jeff did. Other White Nationalists who helped me and befriended me helped me with the PTSD and I still love them as a brother.
I would like to think that some kind of friendship is possible as there were people who I loved very much and who I still love. Once I love someone as a friend I will always love them until the die I die even if the friendship is over with.
I even have a Progressive friend who I still love as a friend and even though he hurt me very much and added to the PTSD by the role he played, I still wish him the best and forgave him a long time ago. I just wish he would have the courage to face me as my Catholic brother and tell me the truth from his own lips if the accusation made is true. I deserve to know the truth and I deserve to hear it from him. I am not going to hurt my friend, but I want us to be mature Catholics who talk things out and leave on a good note. We need to talk and put the past behind us and move forward in truth and honor.
You and I were lucky I guess that we had something else in our lives. I think of poor Elisha who didn’t and what she is going through now. I keep hoping she will find a way to move pass all this and find a better future for her and her daughter. I am still hoping that she pull her self together and find happiness. I wonder why so many of us women who leave White Nationalism suffer emotional distress?
Tell your husband I say hi. Hope you are having a nice weekend.
Met new neighbors last night from Pitsfield, MA. They were walking their dog Ginger. They still have the accent so they haven’t been out of the Commonwealth for very long. They might just come for the Winter though. We have on person who works at the grocery story who is also from Plymouth County. We both lived in Marshfield. Another man lives in Marshfield now and only comes during the Winter but goes home to Marshfield every Summer. I miss New England, but I fear I will never see MA again alive.
I need to think about starting to get ready for mass. It is the first Sunday in Advent. Short on gas so have to go to St. Stevens. I keep on praying that the Lord will bring into my life a priest who has a true love for Jesus and Mary and follows the teachings of Christ and the church in his daily life to be my spiritual director. I miss Father Enzie and Mgsr. Alan that I knew growing up in CA.
Don’t be a stranger.
Love
Chrisy
Thank you. I don’t feel very strong these days, but I’ll get over that.
I’m going to be taking classes having more to do with writing and various arts. Being in NY, there’s always something creative to do around here. I’d rather devote my time and effort to things in which I’d be appreciated.
I was in choir when I was in middle school. I was pretty musically gifted when I was younger, maybe I’ll work on getting that back, too.
Someone showed me the post from VNN, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, laugh, and imagine the person foaming at the mouth, furiously typing away. Of course, I wasn’t expecting anyone to defend me. If a guy sticks up for one of the “feminists,” he’s regarded as a wimpy piece of shit sticking up for “feminists.” We women who don’t fit into their little mold are not even worthy of the simplest common courtesies. Remember, when we step outside of our little spheres, it means we’re in on some big conspiracy to bring down Western Civ, not because we just happen to be a certain way, and we need to be shot down just the same. Funny, the only place I’ve ever been called any of those names was the Internet. In the real world, no one gives a damn. Aside from the few decent people I’ve met in person and others online I’ve become friends with, WNism is, for the most part, a place for Internet loser Cromags to gather and vent. I feel sorry for the decent, normal people who still have hope that something’s going to change. I keep telling them to do something more positive and fulfilling with their lives.
Speaking of, here’s what a girl on SF wrote in her sig line for a definition of feminist (the movement-tard version, anyway):
“Feminist” –> n. 1. A woman who believes that she is a person with rights and roles other than those defined by random men on the internet. 2. Someone winning a debate with a male poster, or with a female poster trying to gain favor with certain men. 3. A woman who refuses to tacitly support the Jewish media’s assertion that white woman are all brainwashed liberals, race-mixers, or lesbians or to stand silently by when our supposed comrades repeat those media lies. Usually used as an ad-hominem attack.
My issues that have been happening for the past few months had nothing to do with WNism, they just opened my eyes wider to things around me, and helped me see things for what they are, and where I stand in life. That was when thinking about WNism came into the picture.
As for Elisha, she’s the perfect example of why I’ve always advised people, especially women, to have another life outside of WNism. When they find out that “We need more women in the movement,” “Why aren’t there more women in WN?” really means they want the converted girlfriend who’s been told her only worth is to be a submissive housewife and she’ll roll with it, parrot all the “correct lines,” conform to little mold, and just be a cheerleader for her man, they’ll need something to fall back on. Maybe that’s why some have a hard time leaving.
I think you’ll see MA again. I eventually made it back up to NY.
Have a good day at mass, I’m going to have to spend most of my day doing schoolwork.
I won’t be a stranger, I know now who appreciates me and who doesn’t.
I am glad you won’t be a stranger my friend.