My Thoughts for Sunday
I deleted the ones I wrote earlier and am replacing them with these thoughts.
This Green in looking forward to voting in our primary on Tuesday for Green candidates. Usually we Greens don’t get to vote in the primary because we don’t have any candidates so it is really great that this year we have three qualified people running for political office. Elections have always been something I enjoy and I always stay up late watching the returns. Politics is in my blood, lol.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Having to deal with the beginning of cancer of the thyroid makes one stop to think. What do I want out of life? Is it worth wasting my time and energy in pursuing something that is not worth it? At 52 I still have time left to enjoy life, I just have to be smarter in my choices. What is going to make me happy? If I get another chance of living what do I want?
I know I want to move to Scotland and either live there full time or at part time. I just feel like I am wasting my time here in the United States and that I shouldn’t put off doing what I have known is the best thing for me since I was 14. I am too strong willed and hate to give up so I tend to hold on much longer then I should. That English Bull dog in me hates defeat with a passion. I have always gotten along better with Brits then Americans. I tended to date Brits and feel more comfortable. They don’t judge me as much as Americans. Americans tend to judge people and sometimes come off as proud and arrogant. You know thinking they know better then anyone else and the other person is not worthy of being treated like a human being.
I love America and am a true American Patriot too. I love both nations very much. Do you think if I didn’t love this nation that I would have hung around for over 20 years waiting and praying that an old friend would finally realize the truth and talk to me and put me in contact with the right people? Do you think I would be doing what I am doing now if I didn’t want this country to fight and survive? I am a fighter and I have been trying hard to WAKE the MEN up that they need to LISTEN for a change and start fighting the EVIL CORRUPTION in our government plus fight those enemies who want to destroy us off the face of the earth. If we do nothing this country will fall.
Yet, I feel like no one CARES who has the POWER to HELP in the FIGHT!!!! Their attitude is IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM!!!! Another phrase that comes to mind is LET THEM EAT CAKE!!!!! I just don’t see that they really love or care about this nation or the AMERICAN PEOPLE!!!!
I feel like I am hitting my head against the wall and that we the people want to fight to save this nation but those in power work against us and so our efforts come to nothing. They don’t want to change things so they work against us. WHY should I continue something when it is always the same answer of no answer. No answer is the same answer as was given in person of IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM.
For over 20 years I was hanging on to a dream that is never going to come true. I am giving up on plan A (plan America) and am opening myself up to plan B (plan Britain). My faith has become strong again and I am looking to him for help and healing and have finally reached the place where I realize that I was working under my own power and that my plan A was my plan and not his. If God wanted that person to do the right thing and talk to me with an open mind, he would have brought it before now. The important thing is that I find peace, which I believe plan B would bring as I am open to whatever happens. If the Lord wants me here in America than plan A will reveal itself to me. If the Lord wants me in Scotland then Plan B will continue to feel right to me.
I hate to say this, but I think America is doomed because of how those in power in this country act. I wish they would prove me wrong. I have been waiting and praying that they would prove me wrong for over 20 years. This time since I decided to go for help this time I have waited for over 2 years. There comes a time when one has to face the truth that the answer is still the same and no help will come from that so called friend. I have no hard feelings. This time I am not angry because it isn’t their fault really. They have no real concept how the rest of America lives and therefore I think that somehow they come to fear real Americans who are willing to fight because they LOST their FIGHTING SPIRIT and are SUBMITTING. I feel SORRY for them and a little bit for me, because I thought they would be like their uncle and father and FIGHT because they LOVED THIS NATION. I accept the truth that aide will not come from that camp.
I believe Scotland still has a chance and I would rather fight for Scotland then continue to wait and dream that Americans would start to FIGHT to save this nation. Maybe it is that I am tired of the hot Summer, and I am feeling discouraged? Right now, I believe it is best I move to Scotland.
We will see. I just have to keep an open mind. I said I would give it one more year and we will see what my old friend does if anything. I really feel sorry for him. He will never know what he lost in me, or maybe he will and by then it will be to late for him to make things right? Either way I will find closure with or without his help. He is part of the PTSD and it would make it easier if he could show a little compassion on someone who he deems as an evil person. I would like to know why this person hates me so much? One must really hate someone to know they are being abused over you and when they ask for help for a safe place to stay a night or two you scream at them it isn’t your problem without asking one question like what is wrong?
How do you find closure when the person who shows such little regard for you is a Catholic brother? I have tried for years to do the right thing and talk to each other and it is always the same silence. I have a lot of emotion and it is part of the PTSD. I just feel if he was truly a good Catholic as he claims to be that he would want to try and make up for the way he just left me to be abused over him. I have been told that he is very complex and just to let it go. Just forgive and let it go because he is special and he doesn’t have to act like the rest of us Catholics and reconcile with his Catholic Sister. I am just to forgive and suffer from PTSD because we can’t hold the rich and powerful Catholic to the same standard can we?
I had anger at the Catholic Church over that, but I have found it back. I think this time I will be able to move forward in such a way as not loose my faith. I keep my eyes on the Lord.
Part of my blog is to get my feelings out that I have kept inside me for years. Being that this person is afraid to face me and look me in the eyes and talk to me as a fellow Catholic and tell me the truth is being reflected in my thoughts for today.
Garfield, I guess I am just trying to find my way too in the world. We all try the best we can. One of the things I have learned is that it is ok to take your time and look at things from all sides before deciding what you think. But once you decide stay with what you believe. For so many years I seem wishy washy because I changed so much. I was a good parrot, and would parrot the people I was around at the time, but that wasn’t really me. Now, I am learning things for myself and not just because someone tells me something.
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“Garfield, I guess I am just trying to find my way too in the world. We all try the best we can. One of the things I have learned is that it is ok to take your time and look at things from all sides before deciding what you think. But once you decide stay with what you believe. For so many years I seem wishy washy because I changed so much. I was a good parrot, and would parrot the people I was around at the time, but that wasn’t really me. Now, I am learning things for myself and not just because someone tells me something.”
Indeed Chrisy some of life’s lessons are hard learnt but once mastered are worth all the money in the world.
From a personal perspective and not reflecting on a political view it is wise to fight for what you believe. Staying the course is always the test of endurance, commitment, personality and belief in the cause. Without these tenets we are indeed parrots as you say, their is always a personal cost to belief and you have walked that road many times in your life. The hope of a new life and road fills us with hope, joy and the anticipation of things that could be, it drowns out those issues of despair and solace. Never doubt that what you know to be real, whether it your faith or the words of your grandparents, there is wisdom in them.
Go strong and sure.
Gar.