It’s a bit silly to look back on a simpler — or at least less cluttered — time and long to recreate those moments. But as the days grow longer and warmer perhaps longings such as these are to be expected. The neighborhood picnic, the block party, the community parade, barbequed burgers and brats, a triple-decker sherbet cone from the local ice cream shop, badminton in the back yard, a bike ride just before dusk and catching a firefly or two. These were some of the memories of Memorial Days long ago.
But I also remember my dad standing patiently along the parade route every year as each of his three children marched in the local school bands. I was the youngest, so I got to see more of my dad’s parade-viewing protocol than either my older sister or brother did.
Dad was a World War II veteran, as were all four of his older brothers. He served in the US Army from the day he was drafted in 1941 to late in 1945. He had terrible eyesight so he was assigned to do the correspondence and be the paymaster of his unit, so he was not often — by his own account — in harm’s way during his service. He did manage to sustain an injury one Saturday night as he and a few of his buddies ran through a field after partying a bit too much and he fell on a gun stand and cut his eyelid. At least that’s how the story was always told by my mom. I only knew he hated chicken because he said it was served way too much in the Army. Dad never talked much about his soldiering with me, and he lost plenty of his friends in that war.
So every Memorial Day I’d stand at his side, watching as he cheered his kids in the band, but also watching him raise his hand and put it over his heart every single time the flag passed by as part of a parade unit. Sometimes he’d salute when a group of soldiers marched by. He never told me to put my hand over my heart when I saw a passing flag; in fact he was focused during those moments and not worried about what I did or what others thought.
With the Viet Nam war raging through my formative years, I remember feeling conflicted about watching this aging soldier and father I adored show so much deference to the flag and practice such clear-minded patriotism while I heard so much from people who wanted peace. It would be a pattern of conflicted thoughts and opinions I faced as a young woman considering many issues of the time: civil rights, the war on poverty, the Equal Rights Amendment for women and other domestic concerns. My views were often not what my dad’s were — I was the leftie in a family of conservatives. But my dad never urged me to be otherwise.
The years raced by. My dad is gone. Never once did he try to deter me from my moral, political or social views. The last year that he cast a vote in a Presidential election, he did not vote for the Republican — at my urging. He came home from the polls, called me and said, “It’s all yours, kid.” I had convinced him that he was casting a vote for future generations not his own. I have always wondered if I will have the courage to love that much. And I stood by him every chance I got at parades. I loved him so much and admired the quiet but strong inner peace he had surrounding his love of country.
I’m having more trouble with that this year. This Memorial Day I am feeling a bit gut-punched. Oil is fouling the Gulf Coast. Corporations are running my government, spending my hard-earned money with the bail-out funds and choosing what my healthcare will or will not be. One of my sons is somewhere in Afghanistan serving with the US Army and not speaking to me because he believes my priorities are disordered as I advocate for peace and healthcare justice here at home.
My other kids and grandkids are spread out all over the country from Michigan to Colorado to California, and we don’t have summer barbeques together or stand on the curb to watch parades go by. We chat by text message when there is an emergency or the occasional obligatory holiday call. It’s an odd long distance, high-tech sort of family unit that my dad would have trouble understanding. But many American families deal with these sorts of relationships.
This Memorial Day I find myself wondering what makes me think I can change even one tiny piece of the national scene in the United States where the big-money interests control so much that we face leaving our kids and grandkids a planet in far worse shape than we found it, a nation less just and less stable than we found it, states and cities more dangerous and run down than when we were children and neighborhoods left with little sense of neighborhood at all. We work harder for less, and most of the people I see seem generally pretty unhappy unless they find a way to medicate away reality.
Is it too late? Are we too far gone? Am I foolish to believe we can still change the course with enough courage and passion and hard work and by making better connections with one another? Or is my view tainted by my experience as one who lost all to the greedy healthcare system and who has had to claw her way out of the damage? Am I wrong to think we can still care enough about one another and our world to change the course?
Memorial Day 2010. So far away from what used to be reality and way too close to realities I often feel powerless to change. Maybe my dad knew this whole exercise in citizenship and loving one’s country would not be an easy one but that a simple act of remembrance of all those who lost their lives in the struggle so we all could fight on would be an anchor of sanity when things seemed so out of control.
My hand is over my heart, Dad. I’m trying. Happy Memorial Day.
Donna Smith is a community organizer for National Nurses United (the new national arm of the California Nurses Association) and National Co-Chair for the Progressive Democrats of America Healthcare Not Warfare campaign.
I wanted to post this article because I thought it was good. I can relate to many of the feelings she is having this Memorial Day 2010.
Memorial Day was considered the first weekend of Summer and people would come back to the Cape and open their beach houses for the Summer. I also remember a time when one only wore white shoes from Memorial Day to Laber Day. Now there doesn’t seem to be any rules about fashion and people can wear white shoes all year if they desire.
I too remember the block parties where we would close the street and everyone would bring food and beverages to share. Sometimes someone brought fire crakers and we would have fun setting them off. I know today people consider fire crakers dangerous but I never knew anyone who got hurt and we had a lot of fun.
I also remember listening to my dad and uncle tell their stories about WWII. My dad worked along side the army airforce as a company rep. He developed the jet engine that was used on the airplanes. He spent time in North Africa. One story they are testing the engine my dad has been working on and he wanted to go up for the test and they didn’t want him to, but being strong willed he said it is my baby and I am going to be there when we test it and he was. Sometimes people forget the role of the men who served along side army airforce but who were company reps. They still did their duty in fighting the war by developing and working on how to improve the airplanes used in war. They were the science guys who used their minds.
My uncle he was in the army. He was a great musican and drummer. One of his memories is playing in a band for the officer’s club. He wasn’t out fighting in the bush like many men were but being in the band he helped the men by bringing a little music from home to their lives. Music is very important. He was never shot down or fight face to face combat, yet, he served his country in the way that they wanted him to serve. They felt it was important to put him in the band and that is where he served.
Both my dad and my uncle are dead now. I miss them.
This weekend I am also thinking about my ancestors who fought in other American wars. We were left the drum that one of our ancestors on the Buell side had who fought in the Civil War. Like many Americans who were here before the American Revolution, we had people who fought on both sides. Memorial Day was started to remember both sides of the Civil War. It is ok that Memorial Day has become a time to remember all American Veterans. I don’t want us to forget the Civil War Veterans who this holiday was started for.
Every year Daughters of the American place flags on Veterans graves. One of the many good deeds of the NSDAR is their work in helping American Vets. Every year the Daughters of the Confederacy have to repair the graves of Confederate soldiers that have been destroyed. Why is it politically ok to destroy the graves of Confederate Soldiers? These brave men fought and died. They were Americans and their graves should be respected. Every grave of an American soldier should be respected and not destroyed.
When one walks the battle fields where some of the great battles of the Civil War were fought it humbles a person. We were American fighting American and many lives were lost in the Civil War. Our nation was divided and we had states who wanted to leave the union and form a seperate nation of Southern States. The war wasn’t just fought for slavery, but states rights vs federal rights. The North (the Union) believed in a strong federal government that was stronger than states rights. The South (the confederates) believed like Thomas Jefferson that state rights should be stronger then federal rights and didn’t want the Federal government to tell them what to do. Thomas Jefferson believe strongly in states rights and wrote that it would be the duty to succeed if one felt that the federal government was trying to ursurp the right of States to rule.
When I look around America today I see a large divison of this nation much like what we saw before the Civil War broke out. Could we have a Civil War today? Well, we have a federal government that is out of control and is so corrupted that they can’t do the right thing for America or the American people. We also have states who are sick and tired of having a federal government who refuses to deal with important issues facing the states and are starting to pass state laws to deal with issues that need to be dealt with but the federal government refuses to deal with them, because they don’t want to deal with the issue on their watch and they think they can delay what is coming down the pike by closing their eyes and pretending. Both sides say nasty things about the other one. Both sides talking at each other and not to each other. People have valid reasons for their anger at government. People of all political views know that this country is heading toward the cliff and could go over any minute. Many of us wonder if truth and justice means anything anymore to those who serve in government.
So here we come to Memorial Day 2010, and we are having to fight the river of oil that has formed this “BIG BLOB” that kills anything that gets in its path. For some people in this country Memorial Day is bitter/sweet. I am one of those who blames both BP and the Obama Administration. Obama has had close to two years to start cleaning up and he didn’t. He too took lots of money from BP for his 2008 election and it was the same ole same ole of allowing greed to take shortcuts so that they would have more money in their pockets. Before the accident he was expanding offshore oil drilling, he is planning on building more nuclear energy plants(ignoring the fact that they are not safe). He believes in the lie of clean coal and has not moved to STOP all MOUNTAINTOP REMOVAL MINING in this country. I think Democrats make the mistake to continue to only blame Bush for everything. They need to start looking in the mirror and looking at the part they played in allowing BP to get away without putting an acustic switch on their oil rigs. Republicans have their guilt and Democrats have their guilt too, but Democrats seem less than honest when they blame everything on Bush when it is their watch for close to two years. If it had been reversed and a Republican had won, Democrats would be blaming the Republican and not the Democrat that had served for the last 8 years when it is close to two years into the Republican administration. I hate all double standards. Let us be truthful and real with each other. Both the Democratic and Republican parties are corrupted and are part of the problem and will never be the solution. We must vote out all those who are in the government now and vote in new blood who will remember that they serve the people and not the large multi-national companies who own both parties.
I hope this Memorial Day that we will remember that blood shed in the last Civil War and we will try very hard not to allow anger to turn into us fighting another Civil War in this country. Let us try and remember that both sides have truth on their side. Let us strive to be the country that our forefathers founded based on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Let us remember lady justice is looking down on us and that we would as a nation value truth and justice; which I am sorry to say doesn’t exist for many Americans today. Will we have the courage to take an honest look at ourselves and our nation and make the changes we need to make? I hope so.