Chrisy58’s Weblog

You want an all White Country where Whites are in control of the government. That isn’t going to happen in America. I know that many of you White Nationalists believe that America was founded as a White Nation that only reprsents only White people. I disagree with that concept. Our ancestors came here looking for freedom. They wanted freedom to practice their religion and not be forced to practice a state religion. Some like my ancestors I think came because he was an younger son and in those days it was the older son who inherited the estate and title. I think that is why the Buells came here in 1630. Many of the younger sons came here because they thought they could make a better future for themselves and whatever families they would later have.

When we first arrived here the Native American population was here first. As a country we had the help of many other races and people who came here from distant lands to help build America to be a light of hope that men could live and be free here. I think that is the American dream. I think of the statue of Liberty and the words of give me your tired and your poor. I think of my grandfather who came here from Scotland and went through Ellis Island before settling in Boston. Why did my grandfather come to America? He came because he was seeking a better life.

Look, if I was Queen of the world for a day I would find you all an island somewhere that you could live and turn into your White Nationalist country and run it the way you see fit. There must still be some undiscovered island out there that the world could give White Nationalists to turn into their own White homeland.

The question I have is would you White Nationalists be content with an island as your White homeland? I think the rest of the world has a just fear that you would try and expand and be a threat to other nations who want all their citizens to have a say in the running of their governments. Would you be willing to be satisfied with just one White homeland in the world where only Whites live and run the government?

One of the problems I see with White Nationalism is I see a fear of people wanting to move into the future. They want to hold on to the past and not move forward into the 21st century.

Change is never easy for some people. I know my mother has a very hard time with change. Heck, I got screamed at if I go to the store for my mom for an item (lets say toothpaste) and she says get a tube of Coldgate and I buy Coldgate with mint; I get yelled at that I am stupid and that I can’t even buy the right Coldgate. My mother makes one feel like there is no pleasing her.

I see many of you on your side wanting to bring back the past. It isn’t going to happen. We as a country have moved in a direction that most Americans agree with. We don’t want a group of Americans to be treated as 2nd class citizens because of their race or gender.

Sometimes I think both sides are guilty of misunderstanding the other side of the spectrum. At least for me I fighting against a political view that I view as dangerous to the country and that is trying to gain strength and power in the world to make your vison into a reality.

I think all political parties do that. WE all have our vision of the world and want to make that into reality. My vison is different than the Right Wing vision for the world. I think most Americans have a different vision for our country than what you as White Nationalists have.

I think of the quote from the Bible that says raise a child in the way he should go, and even if he leaves for a time he will be back. I have found that to be true in my own life. Yes, there was a time I could parrot with the best of White Nationalists, but the problem was that in my heart I didn’t really feel that way and they were just words. I was brainwashed by Jeff to accept a view point of the world that was very abusive toward women and girls. I had allow both Jeff and my mom bring my self esteem to the point I didn’t have any. I think alot of us who were abused suffer from low self esteem too.

I woke up from the dark spell I was under. What woke me up? I know my guardian angel had a role in my seeing the truth and not giving up hope that someone would see and understand the truth and help me to overcome the PTSD and start living my destiny.

I had lost my heroes that I had chosen as a kid. I chose my heroes at 5 and I got angry, frustrated, lost hope and really was asking myself if I was wrong in thinking that they would care and help abused and suffering children in the world. I just wanted them to join the fight against evil. I just wanted the children to have a hero who cared about them.. I felt an unjustice had been done.

I felt once again I had been let down and had fallen through the cracks. Once again my cries were ignored. No one cared. I felt very lost.

Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and feeling I had been wrong about the heroes I chose. It was during that time I let Jeff into my life. He seemed like a nice man on the computer. Loved books and seem liked a good Christian. Only to find out 3 months later when I had moved from KS to OR that I had gotten myself trapped in a place that was a lot worse than living with my mom. I had gone from the pot into the fire. I remember praying out to God for him to help me, heal me and save me. I believe he answered that prayer and because of God’s help I was able to see that I hadn’t lost my heroes and that I should try to find my way home to the person I was before I had allowed CI/White Nationalists into my life.

I forgave some of the people I got angry with that Summer. I forgave the person who didn’t understand the truth and listend and believed the lies. I do have a hard time in forgiving the ones who started the lies, rumors, and gossip that led me to be abused by my mother that Summer. It is really hard for me to forgive them, because I think they sat back and enjoyed me being put through hell over what they knew was a lie. I have to find a way to forgive because Jesus commands it.

Somehow my guardian angel got me to start believing again that the truth would be known and the finally after 20 years the right thing would be done. That they would see the real me. God gave me hope again and the faith that I had lost. I trust in God again to do what is right and just trust when the time is right he will send the help I need.

So I think that is why I could never and can never fully believe what White Nationalists believe. My heroes have always been very different than what my mother and the Right Wing believe. I picked my own people and marched to my own drummer. I was a child of the 60’s and I still have the foundation that I learned before the abuse entered my life in the degree that it later entered my life.

I remember how I was when we lived in Playa Del Ray and how I became after moving to Saratoga and being raped by the gardener. Living in Southern California was the happiest time we had as a family. If you were to ask anyone in the family they would say those were good years. I do have happy memories in childhood. Looking back I can see a difference between before I got PTSD and after getting it.

Your heroes are very different than mine. Yes, we might agree on some issues like the War in Iraq or Curious George, but our visions for this country are so different.

I want to move into the future and try to bring into reality of where we don’t judge a man by the color of his skin but by what is in his heart. To realize that even though we are different we are the same in many ways.

Hate is never the answer. I never wanted to grow up and be like my mother. I think that is why no matter what has happen to me in life that I have not become bitter and filled with hate. I have always tried to choose love. I try to be fair minded and that has caused me to get in trouble a time or two because other people didn’t like the fact that I didn’t agree with them on the view of things in the world and I would dare to defend a view point different from theirs.

I consider White Nationalism as part of the Right Wing in this country. Listen to talk radio sometime and you will find them using the exact same sentences as people like David Duke. My mother uses the exact same phrases as he does. She doesn’t consider herself a White Nationalist but a good Right Wing Republican.

I have often wondered in the past can we who oppose your beliefs and vision work together on issues that we agree on like stopping the war in Iraq or impeaching Curious George for War crimes. Those are two issues that we agree on. If we worked together could we have the power to correct things on those two issues? For a long time I thought yes, we could as there is strength in numbers. I don’t think so now. I think that our vision for America is so different that we would end up fighting each other in the end.

The Right Wing has been in power in this country for to long. I didn’t like Nixon. I don’t like Curious George. I just don’t really like what this country is under Right Wing rule. Your side doesn’t like this country under Democratic rule.

My mother says that it is the end of the White Race if Obama gets elected. I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that we White people are dying out and will be completely wiped off the face of the earth in another 50 to 100 years as I know some Right Wing/White Nationalists believe.

Anyway, I have always had my own drummer which is not the same as yours. I must march to my own drummer as you must march to your drummer.