Chrisy58’s Weblog

Today is the 24 anniversry of someone very dear to me who died.  I wrote this poem today to remember him and I thought I would post it in my journal.

I believe that when those who love us die and who we love die that they look over us, they pray for us, and I believe that there are times when God sends them to help their loved ones. I also believe that those we love who die need our prayers too and that is why I pray the rosary so much for my dear one.

I have always been very sensitive and some would say a mystic.  There are things that I can’t explain and don’t try to explain, but I just know.  Like when I knew that the Westport Beach club was on fire when I was a little girl I think of six or seven and swinging on my swing set.  I knew it was on fire and my parents wouldn’t believe me.  I kept after them until they drove me to the beach club and it was on fire.

Anyway I feel in my heart that my Guardian Angel helped me to wake up to the truth of where I was and helped bring me home.  I think of the movie it is a wonderful life and Clarence coming to help George.  Though I don’t think I was as difficult to my guardian angel as George, lol.

I think I have a good concept of death and I choose to think of him as being happy in heaven.  I miss him, but I look at it that I am enjoying life for him too.  When I see the beauty of the sun set or the sun rise I am looking at it for both of us.  I have been given a gift and I can choose to waste it or I can choose to live it. 

I choose to live and to move forward in life and heal of the pain that I have had to experience in this life.  He used to say he loved my strength and my heart of gold.  He loved that I am a fighter but have such a true Celtic heart.  He loved my passion but also my compassion.  He used to say that with all that I had gone through in my life that I never allowed it to make me bitter or give up hope that someday something good would happen to me. I didn’t whine about things.

I think one reason I started this blog and started my writing again was I wanted to heal. I didn’t want to be the lost child who was searching for someone to help me and looking for justice and to find someone to just believe me about being raped and sexually molested as a child..

For to long I was like the lost child searching for someone to help me.  Now, I am at the point where I am dealing with the emotions and not numbing the pain by food or the other ways I used to numb the pain and not have to deal with the emotions I was feeling.

Thank you my dear Guardian Angel for not giving up on me, but pulling me out of the pit of darkness I had fallen into.  Thank you for helping me find my way home.  I still love you my dear David.

Guardian Angel

When I think of you on this day, I think of you with your angel wings;
Your voice ringing out in heaven with the heavenly songs you sing.

When I hear the sound of a bell ringing, I think of you my sweet soulmate who understood me so well;
Who looked down from heaven and came and saved me when I fell.

When I hear the harp play I think of you my Irish hero, as to me you were always that knight in shining armor who came to save me;
You who always saw the best in me and saw my true Celtic heart where most people only saw the worst and harshly judged me.

Thank you my Guardian angel who I love as I have always loved you;
I know in my heart that someday I will see you in heaven and we will walk together in the morning dew.